licvc  Mc  Xantippe 

i 

ERICK  BALLARD 


Df  Californ 
Regional 
Facility 


SAMUEL  FRENCH,  25  West  45^  St»,  New  Yor' 


THE  FAMILY   UPSTAIRS 

Comedy  of  American  life  in  3  acts.  By  Harry  Delf. 
Produced  originally  by  Sam  H.  Harris  at  the  Gaiety 
Theatre,  New  York.  4  males,  y  females,  i  interior.  Mod- 
ern costumes. 

Joe  Heller  is  a  street-car  inspector  on  $41.50  a  week.  Louise  is 
hi*  eldest  ''aughtcr,  an  office  worker,  now  aged  twenty-one  who 
hasn't  managed  to  land  a  husband  yet.  Her  mother's  one  anxiety 
is  to  get  her  properly  married,  while  father's  ambition  ii  to  get 
his  son,  Willie,  to  work.  Sister  Annabelle,  the  "kid  sbter"  of  the 
family,  has  one  passion,  and  that  is  getting  out  of  doing  her  piano 
lessons.  It  is  a  typical  average  American  home  that  we  look  into: 
Annabelle  practising  on  the  tin-panny  piano,  Willie  making  a  tele- 
phone date  with  a  girl  friend,  father  coming  home  from  work  in 
hit  uniform,  fagged  out,  mother  bossing,  Annabelle'i  playing,  every- 
one wanting  dinner,  and  so  forth.  Charles  Grant  comes  to  call  on 
Louise  and  after  embarrassed  introductions  all  around,  he  is  left 
alone  with  her.  They  are  in  love  with  each  other,  and  before  the 
evening  is  out  they  are  engaged.  But  mother  puts  her  finger  into  the 
domestic  pie.  She  tells  the  neighbors  what  a  wonderful  fellow  Louise 
hat  won  and  that  he  is  a  big  banker  (in  reality  he  it  making  $40 
a  week).  And  the  game  of  hluS  goes  on.  Having  heard  all  tliis 
"propagandiii, '  lir;.n:  begijs  to  wo;^ti'.;r  what  mn  of  a  family  he  is 
getting  into.  There  'a  .ir.  nK-hippy  h?ff-houT  when  the  enpaKsment 
teems  to  be  off,  and  then  Grant's  mother  appears  on  the  scene.  Mrs. 
Grant  is  just  the  hinSic  ^'ut  Mts,  rftll';;:  is,  and  both  tee  through 
all  the  blufis  and  discount  them.  Everything  ends  happily. 

(Royalty,    twenty-five   dollars.)    Price   75    Cents. 


A  FULL  HOUSE 

A  farcical  comedy  in  3  acts.  By  Fred  Jackson.  7  males, 
7  females,   i  interior  scene.  Modern  costumes. 

Imagine  a  reckless  and  wealthy  youth  who  writes  ardent  love 
letters,  an  attorney  brother-in-law  who  steals  them  and  then  gets  his 
hand  bag  mixed  up  with  the  grip  of  a  burglar  who  has  just  stolen 
a  valuable  necklace  from  the  mother  of  the  indiscreet  youth,  and 
the  efforts  of  the  crook  to  recover  his  plunder,  as  incidents  in  the 
story  of  a  play  in  which  the  swiftness  of  the  action  never  halts 
for  an  instant.  Not  only  are  the  situations  screamingly  funny  but 
the  lines   themselves  hold   a  fund  of  humor. 

"Uncorks   a  laugh   a  second."  N.   Y.  Press. 

"Hustling,  bustling,  reckless  fun."  N.  Y.  American. 


(Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)  Pbiicb  7j  Cents. 


Believe  Me,  Xantippe 


A   COMEDY   IN   FOUR  ACTS 


BY 

FREDERICK   BALLARD 


Copyrighted  U.  S.  A.  and  Great  Britain  by  J.  F.  Ballard 
Copyright,  1918,  by  Samuel  French 


ALL  RIGHTS  RESERVED 


CAUTION:  Professionals  and  amateurs  are  hereby 
warned  that  Believe  Me,  Xantippe,  being  fully  pro- 
tected under  the  copyright  laws  of  the  United  States, 
is  subject  to  royalty,  and  anyone  presenting  the  play 
without  the  consent  of  the  author  or  his  authorized 
agents  will  be  liable  to  the  penalties  by  law  provided. 
Applications  for  the  amateur  acting  rights  must  be  made 
to  Samuel  French,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York, 
Applications  for  the  professional  acting  rights  must  be 
made  to  the  American  Play  Company,  33  West  42d 
Street,  New  York. 


New  York 
SAMUEL  FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 


25  WEST  45TH  STREET  J  STRAND 


London 

SAMUEL  FRENCH.  Ltt>. 

2io  Southampton  Strebt 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 
ALL    RIGHTS    RESERVED 


Especial  notice  should  be  taken  that  the  possession  of 
this  book  without  a  valid  contract  for  production  first 
having  been  obtained  from  the  publisher,  confers  no  right 
or  license  to  professionals  or  amateurs  to  produce  the  play 
publicly  or  in  private  for  gain  or  charity. 

In  its  present  form  this  play  is  dedicated  to  the  reading 
public  only,  and  no  performance,  representation,  produc- 
tion, recitation,  or  public  reading,  or  radio  broadcasting 
may  be  given  except  by  special  arrangement  with  Samuel 
French,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York. 

This  play  may  be  presented  by  amateurs  upon  payment 
of  a  royalty  of  Twenty-Five  Dollars  for  each  perform- 
ance, payable  to  Samuel  French,  25  West  45th  Street, 
New  York,  one  week  before  the  date  when  the  play  is 
given. 

Whenever  the  play  is  produced  the  following  notice  must 
appear  on  all  programs,  printing  and  advertising  for  the 
play:  "Produced  by  special  arrangement  with  Samuel 
French  of  New  York." 

Attention  is  called  to  the  penalty  provided  by  law  for 
any  infringement  of  the  author's  rights,  as  follows. 

"Section  4966: — Any  person  publicly  performing  or  rep- 
resenting any  dramatic  or  musical  composition  for  which 
copyright  has  been  obtained,  without  the  consent  of  the 
proprietor  of  said  dramatic  or  musical  composition,  or  his 
heirs  and  assigns,  shall  be  liable  for  damages  thereof,  such 
damages,  in  all  cases  to  be  assessed  at  such  sum,  not  less 
than  one  hundred  dollars  for  the  first  and  fifty  dollars  for 
every  subsequent  performance,  as  to  the  court  shall  appear 
to  be  just.  If  the  unlawful  performance  and  representation 
be  wilful  and  for  profit,  such  person  or  persons  shall  be 
guilty  of  a  misdemeanor,  and  upon  conviction  shall  be  im- 
prisoned for  a  period  not  exceeding  one  year."— rU.  S. 
Revised  Statutes :  Title  60,  Chap.  3. 


TO   WILLSIE   AND    DAVID 


2115029 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

THE  ORIGINAL  CAST 

As  produced  at  The  Thirty-Ninth  Street  Theatre, 
New  York  City. 


George  MacFarland Mr.  John  Barrymore 

Arthur  Sole Mr.  Alonzo  Price 

Thornton  Brown Mr.  Henry  Hull 

"  Buck  "  Kamman Mr.  Theodore  Roberts 

"  Simp  "  Calloway Mr.  Frank  Campeau 

"  Wrenn  "  RiGLEY Mr.  Al.  Roberts 

William Mr.  M.  Tello  Webb 

Martha Mr.  Alpha  Beyers 

Violet Miss  Katherine  Harris 

Dolly  Kamman Miss  Mary  Young 

CHARACTERS 

George  MacFarland Of  New  York 

Thornton  Brown His  friend 

William MacFarland' s    Valet 

Arthur  Sole Detective 

"  Buck  "  Kamman A  Colorado  Sheriff 

"  Wrenn  " His  jailer 

"  Simp  "  Kalloway A  desperado 

Dolly  Kamman Buck's  daughter 

Martha Her  aunt 

Violet Simp's  friend 

Place:    Nezv  York  and  Colorado 

Time:     The  present 
5 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 


Act      I.  Oct.   7th.     MacFarland's   apartments   in 

New  York, 
Act    II.  Sept.  30th,  the  following  year.    A  hunting 

shack  in  southwestern  Colorado. 
Act  III.  Two  days  later.    The  County  Jail  at  Delta, 

Colorado. 
Act  IV.  Four  days  later.    The  same. 


Believe  Me,  Xantippe 


ACT  I 


Scene:  George  MacFarland's  bachelor  apart- 
ments at  Sherry's,  New  York  City.  A  well 
furnished  room  with  tzvo  entrances — l.  3,  door 
leading  to  bedroom;  rear  r.,  door  leading  to 
vestibule,  l.  2,  fireplace,  r.  2,  windozv.  Table 
down  center.  Telephone  desk,  near  r.  2,  window. 
The  room  is  discovered,  lighted.  There  is  a 
slight  pause,  then 

MacFarland.  (Angrily,  off  l.  3)  William! 
(Enter  William,  the  valet,  from  vestibule,  rear 
door  R.  c.    Sharply)     William! 

William.  (Deliberately,  as  he  gazes  towards 
L.  3)    Yes,  sir. 

MacFarland.  (Angrily)  Where  are  my  shirt- 
studs  ? 

William.    The  burglars  stole  them,  sir. 

MacFarland.     (Savagely)     Hang  the  burglars! 

William.  Yes,  sir,  I  would  if  I  could  catch 
them,  sir,     (Starts  to  exit) 

MacFarland.    (Angrily)    William! 

William.     (Re-entering)    Yes,  sir. 

MacFarland.    Where  is  Minerva? 

William.     Who? 

MacFarland.  (Loud  and  angry)  My  cameo 
stick-pin. 

William.    The  burglars  got  that,  too,  sir. 

MacFarland.  (Hotly)  I'll  be — is  there  any- 
thing the  burglars  didn't  get? 

7 


8  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

William.  (Deliberately,  as  before)  Not  that  I 
know  of,  sir. 

(Door-bell  rings.) 

MacFarland.  (Angrily)  Answer  the  bell! 
Thank  the  Lord  they  didn't. get  that. 

William.    Yes,  sir. 

MacFarland.  (Sarcastically,  as  William  is 
exiting)  It's  probably  a  policeman  coming  to  ex- 
plain why  he  hasn't  caught  the  burglars.  (Exit  Wil- 
liam, rear  i.) 

(Brown  enters,  rear  d.  followed  by  William. 
Brown  is  a  well-dressed  lawyer  of  thirty.) 

Brown.    Mr.  MacFarland  in? 
William.    He's  dressing,  sir. 

(Brown  gives  hat  and  stick  to  William  who  exits 
rear.) 

Brown.  (Calling  off  l.  jovially)  Hello, 
George ! 

MacFarland.  (Off-stage,  somezvhat  grouchily) 
Who's  that? 

Brown.    Thornt. 

(Enter  MacFarland,  l.  3.  MacFarland  is  a 
wealthy  young  bachelor — good  looking,  likable. 
Wear's  a  loose  dressing  gown.) 

MacFarland.  Hello,  Thornt!  (Crosses  r.  to 
7vindow,  kneels  and  begins  looking  on  floor  for 
cameo  pin — crawls  around  on  knees) 

Brown.    What  are  you  looking  for? 

MacFarland.    Minerva.    The  burglars  took  her. 

Brown.    Then  what's  the  use  of  looking  for  her  ? 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  9 

MacFarland.  They  might  have  dropped  her  as 
they  crawled  through  this  window. 

Brown.    Nonsense ! 

MacFarland.  (Testily)  Burglars  have  been 
known  to  drop  things,  ha\;en't  they? 

Brown.    Have  the  officers  caught  them  yet? 

MacFarland.  (Rising)  No,  and  they  never 
will,  not  in  a  hundred  years  !  (He  takes  cigar  from 
box  on  table,  bites  end  off  angrily  and  lights  cigar) 

Brown.  (Who  has  been  watching  him,  amused, 
from  in  front  of  fireplace)  Why  this  sudden  effu- 
sion of  optimism? 

MacFarland.  (r,  glancing  at  him,  sharply) 
Cut  the  comedy. 

Brown.    How  much  of  it? 

MacFarland.  All  of  it!  (He  paces  r.  toward 
telephone  table) 

Brown.     (Dryly)    Aren't  you  well  ? 

MacFarland.    I'm  sore. 

Brown.    Where  ? 

MacFarland.     (Pacing  l.,  front)    All  over. 

Brown.  You  must  have  been  here  when  the 
burglars  arrived. 

MacFarland.  (Glancing  at  him  sharply,  from 
R.)  I  wish  I  had  been.  I  would  have  caught  them. 
(Paces  R.  angrily) 

Brown.    Is  it  too  late  now? 

MacFarland.  It  wouldn't  be  if  there  were  any 
policemen  in  New  York. 

Brown.     (Puzzled,  surprised)     Any  policemen? 

MacFarland.     (Sits  r.  c.)     That's  what  I  said. 

Brown.  The  streets  are  full  of  them.  I  passed 
ten  as  I  came  up  here. 

MacFarland.  (Going  towards  him,  from  lower 
R.)  You  mean  you  passed  ten  uniforms.  I'm  talk- 
ing about  policemen — officers  of  the  law — -things  that 
have  brains  and  use  them. 

Brown.    Now  look  here,  Greorge.    Simply  because 


10  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

the  police  haven't  captured  the  burglars  who  robbed 
this  apartment 

MacFarland.  It  isn't  just  this  apartment;  it's 
all  apartments.  They  never  catch  the  burglars. 
They're  a  bunch  of  sleepy  overfed  house-cats.  All 
of  them. 

Brown.  George,  I'm  a  lawyer  and  the  police  are 
my  best  friends. 

MacFarland.  I  don't  care  what  you  are.  They 
are  about  as  intelligent  as  a  soft-shell  crab.  Be- 
lieve me,  Xantippe,  a  soft-shell  crab! 

Brown.     Then  why  don't  you  hire  a  detective? 

MacFarland.  They're  worse  than  the  police. 
(Sits  r.  c.)  Thornt,  the  rank  and  file  of  detectives 
in  this  country  are  a  bunch  of  fakers.  (With  sup- 
pressed anger  crossing  to  Brown)  Do  you  want  me 
to  tell  you  what's  the  matter  v/ith  the  United  States  ? 

Brown.  (Somewhat  sarcastically)  I  suppose 
it's  the  detectives. 

MacFarland.    Not  altogether. 

Brown.    The  police,  then. 

MacFarland.    They  help,  but 

Brown.    But  what? 

MacFarland.  The  great  arm  of  the  law — ^the 
thing  that  reaches  out  and  seizes  criminals  and 
drags  them  into  the  courts — the  great  arm  of  the 
law  in  this  country  is  paralyzed. 

Brown.     (Challengingly)    Is  it? 

MacFarland.  That's  what  I  said !  Not  only  the 
arm  itself  but  the  fingers  of  the  arm — (Holding  out 
fingers  of  right  hand  and  turning  them  down  one 
by  one  during  following)  Police,  detectives,  sheriflfs, 
deputy  sheriffs,  town  marshals.  No  good,  absolutely 
no  good! 

Brown.     (Dryly)    That's  what  you  think. 

MacFarland.  (Hotly  and  aggressively)  All 
right,  then  why  is  it  that  every  time  the  arm 
reaches  out  to  get  a  criminal  it  gets  left? 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  ii 

Brown.    It  doesn't.    It  gets  the  criminal. 

MacFarland.     It  does  like 

Brown.  Our  penitentaries  are  pretty  well  filled, 
aren't  they? 

MacFarland.  (Leveling  finger  at  him)  Why? 
Because  criminals  are  like  all  other  professional 
men.  There  are  bound  to  be  a  few  blockheads 
among  them ;  and  the  blockheads  get  caught. 

Brown.    And  only  the  blockheads,  I  suppose? 

MacFarland.  If  a  crook  isn't  a  blockhead, 
there's  no  more  danger  of  his  being  caught  than 
there  is  of  a  whale  being  crushed  to  death  by  a 
5elly-fish.  I  tell  you,  Thornt,  a  man  of  average 
intelligence  and  a  little  common  sense  can  commit 
crime  day  in  and  day  out  in  this  country  and  get 
away  with  it.  (Brown  laughs  heartily)  You  don't 
believe  me,  do  you? 

Brown.     I  certainly  do  not. 

MacFarland.  Why,  confound  it,  Thornt,  even 
you  who  could  never  keep  away  from  anything  in 
your  life,  you  could  keep  away  from  the  officers  of 
the  law. 

Brown.    You  couldn't. 

MacFarland.  (Quickly  and  defiantly)  I 
couldn't,  eh?    How  much  will  you  bet  I  couldn't? 

Brown.  (Somewhat  impatient  with  him.  Rises) 
If  you  keep  on  talking,  George,  something  interest- 
ing is  going  to  happen. 

MacFarland.  (Hotly)  How  much  will  you  bet 
that  I  can't  dodge  every  officer  in  this  country? 

Brown.     (Dryly)     How  many  of  them? 

MacFarland.  All  of  them.  Detectives!  Police! 
Sheriffs !  Deputy  Sheriffs !  All  of  them ! — How 
much  will  you  bet  ? 

Brown.    How  long  can  you  dodge  them? 

MacFarland.  A  week,  a  month,  a  year — any- 
thing you  like.    I  haven't  anything  to  do. 


12  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Brown.  How  will  you  prove  you  can  dodge 
them? 

MacFarland.  By  doing  it.  I'll  fake  up  a  crime 
and  get  the  officers  on  my  trail.  Then  I'll  show 
you  what  a  man  with  a  little  common  sense  can  do 
when  the  law  tries  to  get  him. 

Brown.  (Frowning,  gravely)  For  how  long 
did  you  say  ? 

MacFarland.    A  year! 

Brown.    A  year  is  a  long  time,  George. 

MacFarland.  I  have  ten  thousand  dollars  that 
says  I  can  do  it. 

Brown.  (After  pause,  during  which  he  studies 
MacFarland)     Are  you  in  earnest? 

MacFarland.  Just  to  prove  I'm  in  earnest,  I'll 
give  you  odds  of  two  to  one. 

Brown.  George,  I  never  took  advantage  of  a 
monomaniac  before,  but  I'm  going  to  take  advantage 
of  one  now. 

MacFarland.  All  right,  sir.  (Jerks  check-book 
from  desk  r.  and  slaps  it  on  r.  end  of  table) 

Brown.  (Calmly  taking  out  check-book.  He  is 
now  l.  end  of  table)    Ten  thousand? 

MacFarland.    That's  what  I  said. 

Brown.  (Taking  fountain  pen  from  vest  pocket 
as  MacFarland  takes  his)    Two  to  one? 

MacFarland.  (Jerking  back  chair  from  table) 
Two  to  one!  (He  drops  into  chair  and  begins  to 
write  check  rapidly.  Brown  calmly  seats  himself 
L.  of  table) 

Brown.  (As  he  writes  check  calmly)  I  am  going 
to  teach  you  a  lesson,  George. 

MacFarland.  (Quickly)  And  I'm  going  to 
teach  you  one.  (As  he  blots  check  by  noisily  pound- 
ing blotter  with  fist)  — Don't  you  want  to  make  it 
twenty  thousand  instead  of  ten  ? 

Brown.  (As  he  blots  his  check  carefully)  For 
your  sake,  no! 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  13 

MacFarland.    Never  mind  me.    I  can  spare  it. 

Brown.    Very  well,  then. 

MacFarland.     {Eagerly)    You'll  take  it? 

Brown.     No,  but  a  friend  of  mine  will. 

MacFarland.  (Rapidly)  Who?  Get  him. 
Quick.    Who  is  he? 

Brown.    Arthur  Sole. 

MacFarland.    Shoeman? 

Brown.    Detective. 

MacFarland.    Burns  or  Pinkerton? 

Brown.    Neither.    He  has  a  company  of  his  own. 

MacFarland.    Great ! 

Brown.  (Rising)  I  shall  ask  him  to  come  right 
over. 

MacFarland.  Do!  The  sooner  he  comes,  the 
sooner  I  can  get  started  on  my  little  twelve  month 
marathon. 

Brown.  (As  he  crosses  to  'phone  table)  It  wont 
be  twelve  months. 

MacFarland.    It  won't,  eh  ? 

Brown.  (As  he  picks  up  'phone)  No.  Itll  be 
about  twenty-four  hours. 

MacFarland.  (Defiantly,  as  he  takes  fresh 
cigar  from  box  c.)  Will  it!  (During  the  follow- 
ing, he  lights  cigar  and  smokes  it) 

Brown.  (In  'phone)  Plaza  9087 — Yes — (Imita- 
tion) 9087 — if  you  please — Hello — 9087  Plaza? — 
Mr.  Sole,  please — Arthur?  This  is  Thomt.  A 
friend  of  mine  has  a  foolish  notion  lodging  in  one 
of  his  brain  cells.  Art,  and  I  want  you  to  help  me 
get  it  out — Come  over  and  I'll  explain — George 
MacFarland's  suite  at  Sherry's — Good-bye.  (To 
MacFarland  as  he  hangs  up  receiver)  He  will  be 
right  over. 

MacFarland.  (Taking  out  fountain  pen  again) 
All  right!  I'll  have  that  ten  thousand  waiting  for 
him,  believe  me — (Pause,  opens  check-book  and 
prepares  to  write  second  check.    Brown,  meanwhile. 


14  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

has  placed  'phone  on  table,  and  during  following, 
crosses  to  fireplace) 

Brown.  George,  you  have  convinced  me  of  one 
thing. 

MacFarland.    I'm  glad  of  that.    What  is  it? 

Brown.  Either  you  need  medical  attention  or 
you  are  in  love. 

MacFarland.  I  never  felt  better  in  my  life  and 
there  isn't  a  woman  in  New  York  I  would  look  at. 

Brown.  {Lighting  a  cigarette)  You  talk  as  if 
you  were  immune. 

MacFarland.  No — No  man's  immune  to  falling 
in  love,  but  the  woman  who  annexes  my  name  must 
have  brains. 

Brown.     You  mean  a  college  degree? 

MacFarland.  I  mean  brains — Sometimes  you 
find  them  with  a  college  degree.  {Abandoning  his 
aggressiveness  and  assuming  a  confidential,  though 
still  emphatic  air.  Sits  r.  of  table)  What  I  admire 
in  a  woman,  Thornt — and  what  my  wife  must  have 
— is  the  ability  to  think  for  herself — she's  got  to 
have  that  little  something  we  call  life — vivacity, 
alertness — you  know.  Not  this  giddiness  you  see  on 
the  beaches,  or  the  tee-hee  ha-ha  of  the  debutante. 
It  has  got  to  be  the  real  article.  L-i--f-e  and 
B-r-a-ir-n-s. 

Brown.    You  wouldn't  know  her  if  you  saw  her. 

MacFarland.  Not  at  first  sight,  maybe,  but  I 
would  soon  find  her  out.  I  have  the  reputation  of 
being  a  pretty  clever  man,  even  if  I  am  called  a  rich 
idler.  But,  believe  me,  Xantippe !  when  I  pit  myself 
against  the  future  Mrs.  MacFarland,  she  is  going 
to  make  me  feel  about  as  insignificant  as  a  mosquito 
on  the  brow  of  the  Goddess  of  Liberty.  If  she 
doesn't,  she  won't  be  Mrs.  MacFarland,  that's  all. 

Brown.    And  if  she  does 

MacFarland,  She  will  be  Mrs.  MacFarland  in 
spite  of  high-tide  or  hell. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  15 

(Door-bell  rings  in  a  peculiar  way.) 

Brown.     (Rising)     There's  Sole  now. 

MacFarland.  (As  William  enters  from  door 
L.)     How  can  you  tell? 

Brown.  (As  William  goes  to  rear  door)  The 
way  he  rings.  (William  opens  door  at  rear  and 
stands.  Enter  Arthur  Sole.  Sole  is  a  detective — 
tall,  slender,  stern' face,  quiet  manners.  Forty-five. 
Brown  salutes  hint  familiarly.  William  closes 
door  behind  Sole)  Arthur,  I  want  you  to  meet  my 
friend,  MacFarland. 

Sole.  (Deliberately,  to  MacFarland  as  they 
shake  hands)  Are  you  the  gentleman  who  has  the 
notion  lodged  under  your  brain  cell? 

Brown.  (As  MacFarland  offers  Sole  cigar- 
bo.r)  Yes,  he  thinks  that  every  officer  of  the  law  in 
the  United  States  is  a  jelly-fish. 

MacFarland.  (To  Brown)  I  didn't  say  jelly- 
fish— I  said  a  soft-shell  crab.  (To  Sole)  Have  a 
cigar.  (To  Brown,  as  Sole  takes  cigar)  See,  they 
take  anything. 

Sole,  (Plcdsantly,  to  MacFarland,  as  he  trims 
cigar)  So  you  think  every  officer  is  a  soft-shell 
crab? 

MacFarland.  Yes,  and  I'm  willing  to  prove  it. 
(He  shows  Sole  second  check) 

Sole.    What  is  the  game? 

MacFarland.  I  say  I  can  commit  a  crime  and 
escape  arrest  one  year. 

Sole.    Without  leaving  the  United  States? 

MacFarland.  (Business-like)  Yes — here's  my 
proposition:  I  will  commit  a  crime.  That  makes 
me  a  criminal.  I  will  avoid  arrest.  That  makes  me 
a  fugitive  from  justice.  You  advertise  me  in  the 
Rogues'  Gallery  as  you  would  advertise  any  other 
criminal — offer  a  reward  for  my  capture,  do  any- 
thing you  please.    And  yet  I  shall  escape  arrest  one 


l6  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

year.  If  I  don't,  you  two  win.  If  I  do,  you  two 
lose.    Have  I  made  myself  clear? 

Sole.  (Nodding)  Yes,  but  I  am  too  much  of  a 
sportsman  to  take  money  from  the  blind. 

MacFarland.    I  beg  your  pardon! 

Sole.  A  true  sportsman  never  bets  on  a  sure 
thing. 

MacFarland.  (Quickly  and  somewhat  heatedly) 
So  you  think  I'm  a  sure  loser,  eh? 

Sole.  (Laying  his  hand  friendly  on  MacFar- 
land's  shoulder)  My  friend,  just  to  prove  to  you 
that  I  have  abiding  confidence  in  the  strong  arm  of 
the  law,  I  will  bet  you — ^What's  your  bet? 

MacFarland.    Ten  thousand  dollars. 

Sole.  I'll  bet  you  twenty  thousand  dollars  even 
.  money,  that  if  my  detectives  don't  get  you,  a  police- 
man, a  town  marshal,  a  sheriff  or  a  deputy  sheriff 
will  get  you. 

MacFarland.  The  quickest  way  to  prove  that  is 
to  put  up  your  twenty  thousand.  (Seats  himself 
quickly  at  l.  end  of  table  and  jerking  out  check-book 
and  pen,  begins  to  write  check) 

(Sole,  shaking  his  head  sympathetically,  smiles  at 
MacFarland  and  sits  r.  end  of  table.  As 
Sole  sits,  MacFarland  rises  and  goes  to  lower 
L.,  thoughtfully.    Brown  is  at  lower  l.) 

Brown.  (To  MacFarland,  with  formal  air, 
as  Sole  prepares  to  write  check)  What  crime  are 
you  going  to  commit? 

MacFarland.  (Solicitously,  as  he  approaches 
Sole)  Mr.  Sole,  for  what  crime  have  fewest  men 
been  shot? 

Sole.    (As  he  writes)    Forgery. 

MacFarland.  Thanks.  (To  Brown,  with 
formal  air)     Gentlemen,  the  crime  will  be  forgery. 

Brown.    (Dryly)    Have  you  ever  done  it  before? 

MacFarland.    No,  but  I  know  how. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  17 

Brown.    What  are  you  going  to  forge? 

MacFarland.    a  check. 

Brown.     On  whom? 

MacFarland.    On  you. 

Brown.     (Bozvled  over  with  surprise)     Eh? 

MacFarland.  Only  a  hundred.  The  City 
National  Bank.    You  deposit  there,  don't  you? 

Brown.    Yes,  but — — 

MacFarland.  Good!  I'll  make  the  check  out 
to  myself — George  E. — {To  Sole,  who  is  now 
listening)     What  is  a  good  alias? 

Sole.     MacGinniss. 

MacFarland.  That's  it !  George  E.  MacGinniss 
— Irish  patriot.  (To  Brown.  Soi.^  sits  and  writes) 
I'll  make  the  check  for  one  hundred  dollars  payable 
to  George  E.  MacGinniss  and  sign  your  name  to  it. 
Then  Sole  will  cash  it  for  me,  right  here.  To- 
morrow morning  he'll  take  it  to  the  City  National; 
the  Cashier  there  will  compare  the  signature  on  the 
check  with  your  signature  already  registered  at  the 
bank;  will  declare  it  a  forgery,  and  an  hour  later 
detectives  and  officers  will  be  scouring  the  city  for 
George  E.  MacGinniss — me.  Meanwhile,  Mac- 
Ginniss,— / — will  have  begun  his  little  twelve-month 
joy-hike.  And  the  big  chase  will  be  on.  Do  you 
get  me  ? 

Sole.  Yes,  I  get  you  now  and  I  will  get  you 
later. 

MacFarland.  (Sits  at  up-side  of  table,  then  to 
Brown)     Give  me  your  check-book. 

(Brown  does  so  and  goes  back  of  table.) 

Sole.     (To  Brown,  as  he  begins  to  write  check) 
Are  you  to  be  our  stake-holder? 
Brown.     I  suppose  so. 

(Sole  hands  him  his  check.) 


i8  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

MacFarland.  (To  Sole,  as  Brown  picks  up 
MacFarland's  last  chick)  And  you're  to  be  our 
stake-holder — Thornt's  and  mine. 

Sole.    All  right. 

(Brown  hands  him  his  check  and  MacFarland 
hands  him  his  first  check.  As  Brown  and  Sole 
place  checks  in  wallets,  MacFarland  resumes 
his  forgery.) 

MacFarland.  {To  Brown,  as  he  takes  Brown's 
check  from  him  as  model  to  forge  Brown's  name 
by)    You  swear  this  is  your  signature? 

Brown.  I  do.  (Puts  up  wrong  hand  to  swear  by, 
then  changes) 

MacFarland.  (As  he  writes  the  check,  copying 
Brown's  writing  closely)  Gentlemen,  the  coming 
year  promises  to  be  pleasantly  exciting.  Something 
doing  every  minute — new  scenery,  new  faces,  new 
experiences.  It  certainly  should  be  an  eventful 
year. 

Sole.     (Satirically)    It  will  be. 

MacFarland.  For  you  two  gentlemen  it  will  be 
an  expensive  year. 

Brown.  (To  Sole)  He  really  thinks  he's  going 
to  win. 

Sole.     (Winking  at  Brown)    Watch  him! 

MacFarland.  (Handing  the  forged  check  to 
Sole)  Gentlemen,  there's  the  crime !  Forgery  with 
intent  to  defraud. 

Sole.  (Giveis  MacFarland  one  hundred  dollar 
bill)  And  there's  your  hundred.  (As  he  takes 
the  check,  examining  it,  MacFarland  rises)  A 
very  neat  job. 

MacFarland.  (Glancing  at  the  check,  which 
Brown  is  also  glancing  at)  You  never  saw  a  neater 
job  in  your  life,  did  you? 

Sole.    Don't  know  that  I  ever  did. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  19 

MacFarland.    See ! 

Sole.  That  is,  for  an  amateur.  (As  he  places 
forged  check  in  pocket-book,  to  MacFarland) 
How  tall  are  you  ? 

MacFarland.    Six  foot  half  inch. 

Sole.    Who  says  so? 

MacFarland.    My  tailor. 

Sole.  (As  he  takes  small  silver-plated  tape- 
measure  from  vest  pocket)  I  am  afraid  your  tailor 
flatters  you.  (He  measures  MacFarland,  deftly, 
with  tape — then)     I  thought  so. 

MacFarland.    How  much? 

Sole.  Six  feet  even.  (To  Brown,  as  he  hands 
him  a  note  book)  Make  a  note  of  that.  Under 
MacGinniss.  Be  careful.  Accuracy  is  the  secret  of 
my  success.  (During  the  following,  Brown  seated 
at  desk  R.  registers  Sole's  statements  of  measure- 
ments, observations,  etc.,  concerning  MacFarland, 
in  note-book  which  Sole  takes  from  inside  coat 
pocket  and  gives  to  him.  To  MacFarland)  What 
is  your  specific  gravity? 

MacFarland.     (Puszled)    My  what? 

Sole.    How  much  do  you  weigh? 

MacFarland.     One  forty-eight. 

Sole.     Stripped  ? 

MacFarland.     Dressed. 

Sole.  (Smiling  to  Brown)  Weight,  one  hun- 
dred forty-eight  gross.  (To  MacFarland,  as  he 
measures  his  head)  How  old  are  you? 

MacFarland.    Twenty-eight. 

Sole.  Open  your  mouth.  (MacFarland  does 
so.  Sole  looks  at  front  teeth  much  as  a  horse  trader 
looks  at  horses'  teeth.  Then,  to  Brown)  Age, 
twenty-eight  years,  three  months,  sixteen  days. 
(E.vamining  tape)   Girth  of  head,  twenty-two  inches. 

Brown.    To-day? 

MacFarland.  It  will  be  larger  when  I  collect 
that  thirtv  thousand  dollars. 


20  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

(Sole  places  tape  in  vest  pocket,  then  takes  out  a 
nickel-plated  pocket-size  incandescent  flash- 
lantern.) 

Sole.  {To  MacFarland)  Open  your  mouth 
again.  (MacFarland  does  so.  Sole  examines  it 
with  lantern)  Teeth — second  molar,  upper  left, 
missing.  Third  molar  gold  filled.  Otherwise,  teeth 
sound  and  well  swept.  {He  takes  magnifying  leni 
from  vest  pocket,  wipes  it  with  handkerchief,  tests 
it  on  hand,  then,  opening  MacFarland's  mouth 
again,  examines  the  teeth  closely,  with  lens  and 
lantern)  He  washes  his  teeth  with  Hydrogen 
Peroxide  and  smokes  straight  Havanas. 

MacFarland.    How  did  you  guess? 

Sole.  You  just  gave  me  one.  {Replacing  len's 
in  pocket,  he  holds  the  lantern  close  to  MacFar- 
land's right  eye)  Eyes — shape,  round — size — {He 
takes  a  small  pair  of  silver  plated  calipers  from 
another  vest  pocket,  adjusts  them,  then  places  them 
carefully  upon  right  eye  of  MacFarland)  Size  of 
eyes — right  eye,  diameter  five-eighths ;  left  eye,  six- 
eighths. 

MacFarland.    Odd  sizes. 

Sole.    Color — ^both  eyes,  baby-blue.    Nose 

MacFarland.    Don't  miss  that. 

Sole.  Length — {Measuring  with  calipers,  tip  to 
base)  Total — ^tip  to  base,  two  and  three- fourths. 

MacFarland.     Feet  or  inches? 

Sole.  Make  that  inches.  Width  of  nose — ^base, 
one  and  two-tenths  inch ;  bridge,  one — ^butt,  one  and 
one-half. 

Brown.    How  much  the  butt  ? 

Sole.  One  and  one-half.  Shape — s.  cross  be- 
tween a  John  D.  Rockefeller  and  a  Gibson  girl 

(MacFarland  pats  his  nose  fondly)  Hair — color, 
brown.  Texture,  fine  to  medium.  Parts  it  on  the 
left  side. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  31 

MacFarland.     Marvelous. 

Sole.  (Examining  scalp  with  lens  and  lantern) 
Uses  Ed,  Pinaud's  Florida  Water,  and  tortoise-shell 
comb.  {To  MacFarland,  as  he  replaces  lens  in  vest 
pocket)     May  I  see  one  of  your  photographs? 

MacFarland.  Certainly.  (As  he  goes  to  door) 
You  didn't  get  my  temperature. 

Sole.  I  will  when  you  pay  that  thirty  thousand 
dollars.  (Exit  MacFarland  l.  3.  Quietly,  to 
Brown)    Has  he  a  steady  girl? 

Brown.     He  hasn't  any. 

Sole.  (Frowning)  That's  going  to  make  him  a 
hard  man  to  catch. 

Brown.    Why  ? 

Sole.  It  puts  the  kibosh  on  the  old  reliable  love" 
letter  post-office  trap.  (He  scratches  his  head  wor-< 
riedly)     Has  he  a  favorite  expression? 

Brown.    Yes. 

Sole.     Biblical  or  slang? 

Brown.     Slang. 

Sole.    What  is  it? 

Brown.    Believe  me,  Xantippe! 

Sole.    Believe  me,  Xantippe  ? 

Brown.    Yes. 

Sole.  (Who  has  been  keeping  an  alert  ear  and 
eye  on  the  l.  door)  Sh!  Make  a  note  of  it! 
Great! 

(Re-enter  MacFarland  with  an  arm-load  of  photo- 
graphs.) 

MacFarland.  (As  he  dumps  photos  on  table) 
From  the  cradle  to  the  club.    Take  your  choice. 

Sole.  (As  he  examines  photos  quickly,  compar- 
ing them  with  MacFarland  and  selecting  one) 
I  think  I'll  take  this  one. 

MacFarland.     Anything  else? 

Sole.  (Putting  photo  in  pocket)  I  believe  not — 
except  perhaps  a  word  of  advice.    (Pauses) 


22  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

MacFarland.    What  is  it? 

Sole.    When  you  are  arrested 

MacFarland.    What  ? 

Sole.  I  say — when  you  are  arrested,  wire  me.  If 
you  don't,  you  are  liable  to  wind  up  in  the  peni- 
tentiary. 

MacFarland.     (Quickly)    What's  that? 

Sole.  I  say,  wire  me  or  you  are  Uable  to  wind  up 
in  the  penitentiary. 

MacFarland.    How?    Why? 

Sole.    Because  you  are  a  criminal. 

MacFarland.     Not  really  one. 

Sole.  Yes,  really  one.  I  just  cashed  your  forged 
check. 

MacFarland.    But  you  and  Thornt  know  that — 

Sole.  Exactly !  Thornt  and  I  know,  but  no  one 
else  knows  it  and  if  you  should  ever  try  to  explain 
it  to  a  jury,  the  chances  are  you  would  get  a  life 
sentence  in  the  insane  asylum  instead  of  ten  years  in 
Sing  Sing. 

MacFarland.  (Stroking  his  face  musingly,  and 
smiling)  This  is  beginning  to  look  like  the  real 
thing. 

Sole.  It  will  be  the  real  thing  if  you  don't  wire 
me  the  minute  you  are  arrested.  Now,  if  you  do 
wire,  Thornt  and  I  will  fix  it  up  with  the  proper 
authorities  and  keep  you  out  of  the  penitentiary. 

MacFarland.  That's  very  sweet  of  you  and 
Thornt,  but  I  won't  wire. 

Brown.     (Astonished)     Why? 

MacFarland.  Simply  because  I'm  not  going  to 
be  arrested. 

Sole.  (With  an  air  of  one  dismissing  the  whole 
subject)  Of  course,  if  that  is  the  way  you  feel 
about  it 

MacFarland.  That  is  the  way  I  feel  about  it — 
Oh,  before  it  slips  my  mind!    One  point! 

Sole.    What  is  it? 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  23 

MacFarland.  It's  distinctly  understood,  isn't  it, 
that  there's  to  be  absolutely  no  shooting  in  this  little 
experiment  ? 

Sole.    There  won't  be  any  unless  you  start  it. 

MacFarland.    Thanks.    I  won't  start  it. 

Sole.  (Glancing  at  watch)  Now  you  will  have 
until  nine  o'clock  to-morrow  morning  to  make  your 
getaway. 

MacFarland.    I  can  do  it  easily. 

Sole.  This  is  October  5th.  After  nine  o'clock  to- 
morrow morning  you'll  be  a  fugitive  from  justice 
until  nine  A,  M.  October  6th,  next  year. 

MacFarland.  Good!  Shall  I  send  for  your 
hats? 

Brown.     (Smiling)    We're  in  no  hurry. 

MacFarland.    I  am.    William! 

Sole.     (To  MacFarland)     Just  a  moment. 

MacFarland.  (To  William,  who  has  entered 
rear  1)    Just  a  moment. 

William.  Yes,  sir.  (Exit  rear  i) 
^  Sole.  (Confidentially  to  MacFarland,  Brown 
listening  close  by)  If  the  facts  of  this  foolish  little 
experiment  were  to  get  out,  it  might  cast  some  dis- 
credit on  my  profession.  In  fact,  it  would  probably 
injure  my  business.  Therefore,  I  am  going  to  ask 
you  to  promise  me  that  under  all  circumstances  and 
at  all  times  you  will  treat  the  matter  with  utmost 
secrecy.    Will  you  promise? 

MacFarland.    Yes,  but  upon  one  condition. 

Sole.    What? 

MacFarland.  That  you  and  Brown  don't  ride 
in  any  aeroplanes  or  try  to  swim  the  East  River. 

Sole.    What  do  you  mean? 

MacFarland.  The  way  things  are  hooked  up 
now,  if  anything  should  happen  to  you  and  Brown, 
I  would  land  in  the  penitentiary.  So,  for  heaven's 
sake,  be  good  little  mothers  to  yourselves,  and  look 
both  ways  before  crossing  a  street.    Promise? 


24  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

(MacFarland  and  Sole  shake  hands.) 

Sole.  (To  MacFarland)  All  right.  Now 
bring  on  the  hats. 

MacFarland.  William!  (Enter  William) 
Fetch  the  gentlemen  their  hats. 

William.    Yes,  sir.     (Exits) 

Sole.    Oh,  by  the  way,  McGinniss ' 

MacFarland.    Eh? 

Sole.  During  your  travels,  you  might  drop  us  a 
line  from  to  time. 

MacFarland.    A  picture  postal,  I  suppose. 

Sole.  Yes — something  like  that — just  a  little 
remembrance,  you  know. 

(Re-enter  William  with  hats.) 

MacFarland.  With  my  address  on  it?  That 
would  be  very  nice  for  you.  Do  I  look  like  little 
Eva  after  a  hard  season? 

Sole.  (Taking  his  hat  which  William  o fibers  to 
him)  The  chances  are  you  will  the  next  time  I  see 
you. 

MacFarland.  (To  Sole,  as  Brown  take's  hat 
from  William)  Next  time  you  see  me,  I'll  be 
writing  a  receipt  for  those  thirty  thousand  dollar 
checks. 

Brown.  (As  three  of  them  go  tozvards  rear  door 
where  William  stands)     Not  in  a  thousand  years ! 

MacFarland.     Just  one  year  from  to-day. 

Sole.  ( To  MacFarland,  pleasantly,  as  William 
opens  rear  door)     Pleasant  journey,  Raffles ! 

MacFarland.    Thank  you,  Mr.  Holmes. 

Brown.  (As  Sole  exits,  to  MacFarland)  And 
many  of  them.  Desperate  Desmond ! 

MacFarland.  Thank  you,  Dr.  Watson.  (Exit 
Brown.  MacFarland  goes  quickly  to  desk  r.) 
William. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  25 

William.    Yes,  sir. 

MacFarland.  Shut  the  door.  (Sits  at  desk  and 
zvrites  rapidly)     I  am  leaving  town  to-morrow. 

William.    Yes,  sir. 

MacFarland.    I  shall  be  gone  a  year. 

William.    Yes,  sir. 

MacFarland.  If  anyone  inquires  for  me,  tell 
them  that  I  am — ^that  I  am  traveling. 

William.    Yes,  sir.    Where,  sir? 

MacFarland.  None  of  your  business,  William, 
or  theirs,  either. 

William.    Yes,  sir.    Is  that  all,  sir? 

MacFarland.  No,  fetch  me  the  latest  time-table 
of  every  railroad  in  the  United  States. 

William.    Yes,  sir.    When,  sir? 

MacFarland.  Now — right  now.  Hurry.  If 
you  can't  do  it  alone,  get  an  expressman  to  help  you. 

William.      (Hastening   to  rear  d.)     Yes,   sir. 

(Door  bell  rings.) 

MacFarland.    See  who  it  is. 
William,    Yes,  sir.    (Exits  rear  d.    Returning) 
Mr.  Brown  and  Mr.  Sole  returning,  sir. 

MacFarland.  (Surprised)  That's  strange. 
Show  them  in.  (Exit  William  rear  i.  Mac- 
Farland rises,  glances  at  watch,  then  relights  cigar) 

(Re-enter  Sole,  followed  by  Brown,  rear  d.    They 
carry  their  hats.) 

Sole.  (Coming  down  l.  and  exhibiting  photo 
taken  from  coat  pocket)  The  more  I  think  of  this 
photograph,  the  less  I  think  of  it. 

MacFarland.  (Now  at  r.  end  of  table.  Sole 
at  up-side.  Brown  at  l.  end)  What's  wrong  with 
it? 


26  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Sole.  Everything.  I  think  I'd  better  take  one 
myself.     (Tosses  photo  on  table) 

MacFarland.    Have  you  a  camera  with  you? 

Sole.     I  always  have  one  with  me. 

MacFarland.  (As  Sole  takes  small  kodak  from 
pocket)  You'll  bring  a  rabbit  out  of  yourself  in  a 
minute. 

Sole.    Please  put  on  a  coat. 

MacFarland.     Certainly.      (Starts  up  towards 

L-  3) 

Sole.    And  a  vest. 

MacFarland.  Yes.  I  have  my  trousers  on. 
[(Goes  off.  Brown  and  Sole  start  to  zvhisper.  Mac- 
Farland re-entering)     Black  or  white? 

Sole.    To  match  your  coat. 

MacFarland.  Of  course,  certainly — ^to  match 
my  coat.    (Exit  l.  3) 

Brown.  (Brown  glances  slyly  l.  3,  then  steps 
close  to  Sole,  who  is  adjusting  kodak  lens)  I've 
got  an  idea.  Let's  play  a  little  joke  on  him.  We'll 
lock  the  doors  and  keep  him  here  till  morning. 

(Sole  glances  cautiously  at  l.  3.) 

Sole.  (Sotto  voce,  to  Brown)  I've  got  a  better 
scheme  than  that. 

(Brown  glances  l.  3.) 

Brown.  (Curious,  and  anxious,  in  whisper) 
What  is  it  ? 

(Sole  and  Brown  now  stand  at  up-side  of  table 
with  their  backs  to  l.  3.  They  are  close  to- 
gether. Sole  glances  at  l.  3.  Brown  glances 
there,  then  Sole  begins  to  speak.) 

Sole.     (To  Brown,  sotto  voce)     I'll  have  my 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  27 

men  watch  this  house  all  night.  When  MacFarland 
— MacGinniss — comes  out  of  the  house,  my  men  will 
shadow  him  until  the  clock  strikes  nine,  then  they'll 
nab  our  foxy  friend  before  he  starts. 

Brown.    Great ! 

Sole.    Sh!    (He  glances  at  l.  $,  then)    Waiting! 

MacFarland.  (Off  l.)  All  right,  coming! 
(Enters  l.  3,  in  act  of  putting  on  coat) 

Sole.  (As  MacFarland  comes  down,  buttoning 
up  vest)     May  I  use  this  tray  for  my  flash-light? 

MacFarland.    Certainly. 

Sole.  (As  he  places  flash-light  cartridge,  taken 
from  pocket,  on  tray,  to  Brown)  Get  ready  to  turn 
out  the  lights. 

MacFarland.  (To  Sole,  a,s  he  fingers  Sole's 
hat,  on  l.  end  of  table,  as  Brown  goes  up  c.)  Shall 
I  wear  a  hat  ? 

Sole.    No. 

MacFarland.  (Picking  up  hat  from  table) 
Nice  hat.     Where'd  you  get  it? 

Sole.    At  the  hat  store. 

MacFarland.  Very  well.  Just  as  you  say. 
(Holds  Sole's  hat  behind  him) 

Sole.  (Finding  MacFarland  in  lens)  Chin  up, 
please.     Head  erect.     That's  it. 

MacFarland.    Is  this  for  the  Rogues'  Gallery? 

Sole.  (Satirically)  Yes.  Just  look  natural. 
(To  Brown,  now  near  rear  d.)  All  right.  Turn 
them  out.  (Brown  turns  off  lights,  leaving  the 
room  in  absolute  darkness.  Exit  MacFarland, 
quickly  but  quietly  l.  3.  Closes  door  softly.  Sole 
touches  end  of  flash-light  fuse  with  lighted  cigar. 
Explosion,  flash — then)     Turn  on  the  lights. 

Brown.     (Obeying)     All  right. 

Sole.  (Still  looking  into  the  finding  lens  of 
camera)    That's  all,  thanks. 

{Dramatic  pause.) 


28  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Brown.     (Surprised)     Where  is  he? 

(Sole  glances  at  where  MacFarland  was.  then 
smiles.) 

Sole.  (Dryly,  as  he  shoves  kodak  into  pocket) 
He's  playing  a  joke  on  tis.  (Glancing  at  l.  3) 
Come  out  of  that  bedroom,  MacGinniss.  (Pause. 
Sole  starts  toward  l.  3.  Indicating  rear  d.  To 
Brown)  Stand  at  that  door  while  I  shoo  him  out 
from  under  the  bed. 

(Brown  skips  to  rear  door.  Exit  Sole  l.  3,  laugh- 
ing. Pause.  Brown  stands  with  back  to  door, 
rear,  eyes  riveted  on  l.  3.) 

Brown.  Find  him?  (Pause)  Find  him,  Art? 
(Pause)  Hey!  (Sole  appears  in  l.  3  doorway) 
Find  him? 

Sole.     (Entering,  much  perplexed)    No 

Brown.  (Anxiously,  as  Sole  inspects  windows, 
rear  l.)     Where  is  he? 

Sole.     (Impetuously)     How  do  I  know? 

Brown.  (Somewhat  hotly)  You  ought  to  know ; 
you're  a  detective.  (Loudly,  hands  to  month  like  a 
megaphone)     William!     William!    William! 

Sole.    Now  don't  get  excited. 

Brown.  I'm  not  excited.  (Telephone  rings. 
Brown  jumps  straight  up,  as  if  shot,  then  dashes  to 
'phone,  seizes  it  and  places  receiver  to  ear.  Ex- 
citedly, in  'phone)  Hello! — Yes — ^Yes — (Dumb- 
founded) Say,  where  in  thunder  are  you? — Hello, 
hello,  hello,  hello! 

Sole.  (Matter-of-fact,  as  he  comes  down  l.) 
Who  is  it? 

Brown.    (To  Sole)    Gr-e-o-r-g-e ! 

Sole.     (Surprised)    What? 

Brown.     George!     MacFarland!     MacGinniss! 

Sole.    (Quickly  and  eagerly)    Where  is  he? 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  29 

Brown.    Where  are  you? 

Sole.    Well — well — well !    Where  ? — 

Brown.    He  says — find  out ! 

Sole.  You  bet  I'll  find  out.  (Trying  to  find  hat. 
Brown  jams  receiver  in  hook  and  bangs  'phone  on 
desk)    Do  you  know  what  that  son-of-a-gun  did? 

Brown.    What? 

Sole.    He  stole  my  hat ! ! 

(They  are  dashing  out  of  room,  rear  door,  as  cur- 
tain  falls.) 

Curtain 


30  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 


ACT  II 

Scene  :  The  interior  of  a  small  deserted  cabin  in  the 
Rocky  Mottntains.  Two  entrances — Rear  c, 
a  door  leading  outdoors,  l.  3,  a  door  leading  to 
another  room.  To  l.  of  rear  d.,  a  window 
covered  with  hoards.  In  upper  r.  corner  of 
room,  an  old  hand-made  cupboard  with  door  on 
hinges.  Old  stone  fireplace,  e.  2.  Heavy,  home- 
made table,  lower  center.  Home-made  chairs 
to  R.  and  L.  of  table.  Box  for  wash-stand,  near 
window.  On  box,  a  tin  wash-basin  and  water 
bucket.  Dipper  in  bucket  but  not  much  water. 
Against  l.  wall,  and  below  l.  d.,  a  rttstic  bed- 
stead, made  of  saplings  nailed  together.  It  has 
rope  springs  and  is  covered  with  pine  boughs. 
Upon  the  lower  end  of  bedstead,  a  canvas 
covered  camp-bed,  rolled  up  and  tied  with  rope. 
It  is  the  regulation  cowpuncher's  bed — but 
rather  narrow,  same  width  as  the   bedstead. 

Time  :  Late  afternoon,  September  ^oth,  of  the  next 
year. 

Rear  d.  c.  is  open  revealing  a  landscape  of 
oak  brush,  aspen  and  pine  covered  mountains 
in  all  the  splendor  of  an  autumnal  sunset. 

At  rise:  Pause.  Buck  Kamman  enters  rear  d.  c. 
Kamman  is  a  big,  bronze-skinned  man  of  fifty. 
Sandy  moustache.  Wears  corduroy  clothes, 
riding  boots  and  a  large  Stetson  "  sheriff's " 
hat.  Wears  leather  holster  and  belt  under  coat. 
He  goes  to  the  table,  examining  the  cylinder  of 
his  Colts.      He  glances  at  his  watch. 

Kamman.     (Glancing  l.  3)     Dolly! 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  31 

Dolly.    (0#  l.  3)    Yes? 

Kamman.    Pack  up  your  duds. 

Dolly.  (In  doorway  l.  c)  What  for?  (She  is 
a  pretty,  vivacious  girl  of  nineteen,  clad  in  a  neat 
buckskin  skirt  and  leg  gins  and  a  blue  flannel  shirt) 

Kamman.     We  are  going  home. 

Dolly.     (Coming  to  him)     Not  yet,  pa. 

Kamman.     Right  now. 

Dolly.  (Shaking  her  head  prettily)  Wait  until 
I  get  a  deer. 

Kamman.    A  sheriff  is  a  sheriff,  Dolly, 

Dolly.     I  know  it,  pa,  but 

Kamman.  The  Fall  Term  of  the  District  Court 
begins  to-morrow.     We  must  get  home  to-night. 

Dolly.  I  am  going  to  stay  until  I  get  a  deer. 
(She  turns  from  him) 

Kamman.  Now  look  here,  Dolly,  you  are  not 
going  to  stay  up  here  alone. 

Dolly.     (Facing  him)     Why  not? 

Kamman.    It  isn't  safe. 

Dolly.  What's  there  to  be  afraid  of?  Bears, 
cowboys,  and  hunters.  I  can  shoot  the  bears,  feed 
the  cowboys  and — (She  takes  his  hand  in  hers) 
There's  nothing  to  be  afraid  of,  pa. 

Kamman.  I  tell  you,  Dolly,  you  never  can  tell 
what  is  going  to  turn  up  in  these  mountains — especi- 
ally in  the  hunting  season. 

Dolly.  That's  exactly  why  I  want  to  stay.  May- 
be I'll  get  a  bear. 

Kamman.  If  there's  any  bears  to  be  shot  in  the 
Kamman  family,  I'll  shoot  them.    Come  on. 

Dolly.     Please  let  me  stay,  pa. 

Kamman.     It  isn't  safe. 

Dolly.  It's  perfectly  safe  and  you  know  it. 
There  is  absolutely  no  danger.  And  even  if  there 
was,  haven't  I  a  brand-new  rifle?  Don't  I  know 
how  to  ride? 

Kamman.    I  won't  argue  with  you.    We're  going 


32  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

home.  Come  on.  (Going  to  camp-bed)  I'll  pack 
your  bed  for  you. 

Dolly.  (Going  to  him)  Why  can't  we  stay  just 
one  more  day? 

Kamman.  I  tell  you  a  sheriff  is  a  sheriff.  He  is 
hired  to  hunt  men,  not  deer.  (Standing  bed  on 
end}  For  all  we  know,  I  may  be  wanted  at  the 
other  end  of  the  county  this  very  minute,  so  pack 
up  your  duds.     (Shoulders  the  bed) 

Dolly.  (Calmly,  as  Kamman  starts  towards 
door  with  bed)  No  use  of  your  taking  that  bed 
out.  (Kamman  faces  her)  I  am  going  to  stay 
even  if  I  have  to  sleep  on  the  floor. 

Kamman.  (Severely)  Dolly!  (She  does  not 
reply.  He  drops  bed  and  goes  to  her) — Now,  look 
here,  Dolly! 

Dolly.  Pa,  I  am  going  to  get  a  deer  and  that 
is  all  there  is  to  it.     (Crosses  r.) 

Kamman.    You  can  get  one  later  on. 

Dolly.  The  season  closes  to-morrow  night. 
(Turns  her  back  on  him) 

Kamman.  (Significantly,  over  her  shoulder)  I 
know  the  game-warden. 

Dolly.  (Facing  him)  But  I  want  to  get  a  d«er 
in  the  open  season.  I  want  to  be  able  to  haul  him 
down  Main  Street  on  my  pack  horse.  And  when 
his  head  is  mounted  and  up  in  my  room  I  want  to 
be  able  to  point  to  it  with  a  clear  conscience  and 
say —  (Extending  her  hands  and  pleading  with  a 
smile)  Don't  take  me  home,  pa.  Please  don't. 
(Kamman  frozvns.  Dolly  infers  that  he  is  weak- 
ening) It  may  be  the  last  deer  hunt  I  will  ever 
take. 

Kamman.     (Gruffly)     I  reckon  not. 

Dolly.  You  can't  tell,  pa.  When  Aunt  Martha 
sends  me  off  to  that  girl's  school  in  New  England — 
(Turning  from  him)  You  never  can  tell  what  is 
going  to  happen  to  a  girl  after  you  send  her  away  to 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  33 

college.  (Glancing  over  her  shoulder  at  him)  I 
might  get  married.  (Kamman  is  scratching  his 
chin.  Dolly  faces  him)  Don't  take  me  home. 
(Dolly  takes  his  hand  in  her  own)  Can't  I  stay 
just  one  more  day?  Please.  I  want  to.  Can't  I? 
(She  looks  up  into  his  face  smiling)  Can't  I? 
There  isn't  any  danger.  You  know  that.  Can't  I 
stay? 

Kamman.  (Completely  out-generaled)  Yes, 
hang  it  all,  stay  a  week  if  you  want  to.  (He  starts 
up  abruptly) 

Dolly.     Goody. 

Kamman.  (Severely,  facing  her,  rear  c.)  But 
mind  you,  see  that  your  Molly  mare  is  well  hobbled 
and  your  guns  loaded. 

(Dolly  skips  to  l.  3.) 

Dolly.  (At  l.  3)  Wait  a  minute.  I  will  go  a 
piece  with  you.     (Exit  Dolly  l.  3) 

(Kamman  stands  in  doorway,  rear  c,  a  moment 
looking  out.  The  purple  hue  of  night  is  en- 
veloping the  mountains.  Presently  he  goes  to 
the  cupboard.) 

Kamman.    Got  enough  grub? 

Dolly.     (Off  l.  3)     Tons  of  it. 

Kamman.  (Opening  cupboard  door)  Got 
enough  candles? 

Dolly.     (Off)     Yes. 

Kamman.  (Coming  down  with  candle,  which  is 
in  wooden  block)  I  will  put  one  here  on  the  table 
for  you. 

Dolly.  (Re-entering)  All  right.  (She  wears 
a  dark  leather  jacket,  riding  hat  and  is  putting  on 
buckskin  gauntlets) 

Kamman.  Better  light  it,  I  guess.  (Starts  to 
strike  match  on  trouser  leg) 


34  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly.  (Coining  down  to  him)  I  will  light  it 
when  I  get  back. 

Kamman.  Guess  that  would  be  better.  (Blows 
out  match.  Dolly  starts  toward  rear  door)  Just 
a  minute,  Dolly. 

Dolly.  (Coming  down  to  him)  What  is 
it? 

Kamman.  (Placing  his  hand  on  her  shoulder) 
Dolly,  this  is  the  first  time  there's  ever  been  occasion 
for  it,  but — listen:  when  you're  alone  in  these  hills 
you're  alone.  Chances  are,  nobody's  near  to  help 
you.  So  if  anyone  gets  fresh  with  you,  shoot. 
Chances  are  they  won't  get  fresh.  Most  men  are 
gentlemen.  But  if  anyone  does  get  fresh,  shoot, 
and  shoot  to  hit.  Don't  ask  any  questions.  We'll 
attend  to  that  at  the  inquest.  Let  me  see  your  gun. 
(She  hands  him  her  revolver.  He  examines  it  care- 
fully) All  right.  (As  he  returns  it  to  her)  Now, 
don't  forget  what  I  tell  you.  Shoot.  And  don't  be 
slow  about  it. 

Dolly.     (Buttoning  jacket)     I  won't.     (Crosses 

R.) 

''Kamman  replaces  camp-bed  on  foot  of  bed  where 
he  found  it.    Then — ) 

Kamman.  (Going  to  Dolly  at  table)  Now, 
I  don't  want  to  frighten  you,  Dolly,  but  some 
of  the  boys  say  Simp  Calloway  is  in  these  parts 
again. 

Dolly.    Who? 

Kamman.  Simp  Calloway,  a  fellow  who's  wanted 
for  shooting  a  sheep-herder  in  a  poker  game  in  this 
county  and  stealing  a  trottin'  horse  in  Utah.  If 
you  see  him,  come  right  straight  home  and  tell  me. 
Understand  ? 

Dolly.    What  does  Simp  look  like? 

Kamman.  He's  a  medium-sized,  wiry  cuss  with 
black  hair  and  a  scar  on  his  left  cheek. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  35 

Dolly.     {Eyes  shut)     And  he's  fond  of  poker? 

Kamman.     Yes. 

Dolly.     (Opening  eyes)     I  have  him. 

Ejvmman.  Now,  mind  what  I  tell  you:  Simp 
Calloway  is  wanted  and  he's  wanted  badly.  I  don't 
think  there's  one  chance  in  a  million  that  you  will 
see  him, — if  I  did,  I  wouldn't  let  you  stay  up  here 
one  minute, — but  if  you  do  see  him,  you  ride  straight 
home  and  tell  me.    Understand? 

Dolly.    Yes. 

Kamman.  All  right.  Come  on.  (He  starts  up, 
Dolly  following)  If  you  don't  come  home  to- 
morrow, I'll  send  Wrenn  out  after  you. 

Dolly.  I  will,  tho.  I  will  have  a  deer  by 
to-morrow.  (They  exit.  Dolly  closing  door 
rear  c.) 

(Room  is  now  dark.  Marked  pause.  A  coyote 
howls  off  rear.  Pause.  Coyote  howls  again. 
Presently  a  man  knocks  at  the  door.  He  knocks 
again  and  after  a  pause,  again.  Then  the  door 
opens.) 

MacFarland.  (In  doorzvay)  Anybody  home? 
(Tired  polite)  Does  anybody  live  here?  (He 
strikes  a  match  and  holds  it  above  his  head.  It  is 
MacFarland,  ali^s  MacGinniss.  He  wears  a 
badly  torn  hunter's  uniform,  heavy  walking  boots, 
a  four  days'  growth  of  beard  and  a  hunting  belt 
containing  Colts  in  holster  on  one  side  and  a  large 
knife  in  holster  on  the  other.  Between  them  are 
cartridges.  He  looks  tired  and  hungry,  and  he  walks 
that  way.  In  his  right  hand  he  carries  a  big  Win- 
chester rifle,  .38.70  calibre.  He  glances  around  the 
room  until  the  match,  burnt  short,  burns  his  fingers. 
Strikes  another  match,  comes  down  to  table  and 
lights  the  candle.  Returning  to  rear  door,  he  closes 
it.    Espying  l.  3  ajar,  he  goes  to  it  and  raps) 


36  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Anybody  home?  {Takes  drink  from  water  bucket, 
then  bangs  dipper  on  wall.  Loudly)  Anybody 
home?  {Then  taking  a  small  badger  from  coat 
pocket,  he  returns  to  table  upon  which  he  lays  it. 
Taking  watch  from  vest  pocket,  he  glances  at  it, 
rubs  his  stomach  and  sighs.  Replacing  watch,  he 
shakes  his  head,  lays  rifle  on  table  and  sinks,  ex- 
hausted, into  chair  r.  Drawing  his  Colts — an  un- 
usually large  one — from  his  holster,  he  gazes  at  it) 
You've  blistered  my  hip  enoug^h  for  one  day,  you 
thirteen  inch  Krupps !  {Lays  Colts  on  table.  Tak- 
ing pipe  from  coat  pocket  he  frisks  himself  for 
tobacco.  His  disappointment  upon  discovering  that 
it  has  been  lost,  is  whimsically  ludicrous.  With  a 
sigh  of  complete  exhaustion,  he  remove's  hat,  tosses 
it  on  Colts,  picks  up  the  badger,  strokes  it  tenderly  a 
few  minutes,  then)  Would  to  God  I  were  feeding 
you  peanuts  in  dear  old  Central  Park !  I'm  hungry 
enough  to  eat  you  raw.  (He  gazes  meditatively  at 
the  animal  several  moments  then,  tossing  it  upon  the 
table,  rises  and  goes  to  the  fireplace,  lies  flat  on 
stomach  in  front  of  it  and  blozvs  the  ashes.  When 
his  blowing  has  reached  vigorous  proportions,  Dolly 
enters  quietly  rear  i.  Closing  the  door  noiselessly, 
she  smiles  at  the  blowing  stranger.  MacFarland 
with  a  violent  puff,  unaware  of  Dolly's  presence) 
Burn,  damn  you ! 

Dolly.     (Shocked)     I  beg  your  pardon. 

(MacFarland  flops  over  on  his  back  and,  support- 
ing himself  on  his  hands,  behind  him,  stares  at 
her.) 

MacFarland.    Wh — where  did  you  come  from? 
Dolly.     (At  up  end  of  table)     Where  did  you? 
MacFarland.     From  the  top  of  the  mountain. 
Dolly.    When  ? 
MacFarland.     (Rising)    Early  this  morning. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  37 

Dolly.    Are  you  a  hunter? 

MacFarland.     (Smiling)     I  am  hunting. 

Dolly.    Deer  ? 

MacFarland.     {Bravely)     Bear. 

Dolly.     Do  you  call  that  a  bear? 

MacFarland.    That's  a  squirrel. 

Dolly.    In  Colorado  we  call  that  a  badger. 

MacFarland.  In  Central  Park  we  call  it  a 
squirrel.  (She  smiles  at  him  as  the  veteran  smiles 
at  the  tenderfoot)     Is  your  father  in? 

Dolly.     Father's  out. 

MacFarland.  (r.  of  table)  Is  your  mother 
in? 

Dolly.    I  have  no  mother. 

MacFarland.  (Picking  up  his  rifle)  Very  well, 
then.  (Laying  his  hand  on  his  hat)  I  shall  be 
going. 

Dolly.     (Frankly  sincere)     You  needn't  mind. 

MacFarland.     (Puzzled)     What? 

Dolly.  I  said,  "Aren't  you  hungry?"  (He 
studies  her  face,  then  smiles.  Dolly  severely)  If 
not,  I  guess  you  had  better  be  moving  on.  (She 
gazes  at  him  sharply.  For  several  moments  they 
study  one  another.  Presently  MacFarland  smiles 
boyishly) 

MacFarland.  Let's  cook  the  squirrel.  (Dolly's 
eyes  drop.  She  begins  to  pet  the  squirrel.  They 
nozv  stand  at  opposite  sides  of  the  table.  He 
to  R.  and  she  to  l.  She  gazes  at  the  squirrel.  He 
gazes  at  her.  Prelfsently  he  too  begins  to  pet  the 
squirrel.  The  silence  grows  embarrassing)  Nice 
"Squirrel,"  isn't  it? 

Dolly.     Nice  and  fat. 

MacFarland.     (Proudly)     I  killed  it. 

Dolly.  (Glancing  at  him,  reproachfully) 
Couldn't  you  find  anything  else  to  kill? 

MacFarland.    It  was  the  only  thing  that  stood 


38  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

still  long  enough.  There  are  two  things  I  can't  do 
— ride  a  horse,  and  shoot  straight.  I  am  a  nervous 
marksman. 

Dolly.  (Smiling  at  his  greenness)  Did  you  ever 
see  a  deer?     (She  glances  at  him) 

MacFarland.  (Pettitig  the  squirrel,  but  his  eyes 
on  Dolly)     Not  until  this  season. 

Dolly.     (Quickly)     Where  was  it? 

MacFarland.     Here. 

Dolly.  Where?  (MacFarland  glances  at  her, 
then  L.  3,  then  at  rear  door  c.  He  is  noticeably  em- 
barrassed)    Where? 

MacFarland.  (With  ludicrous  abruptness) 
Shall  I  skin  the  squirrel? 

Dolly.     (Drolly)     Do  you  think  you  could? 

MacFarland.  (Confidently)  Of  course  I  can. 
I  shot  him.  (Whipping  out  hunting  knife,  he  feels 
its  edge  deftly,  picks  up  the  badger,  examines 
the  badger  awkwardly  to  find  a  place  to  begin  to 
skin  it.  Finally,  as  if  inspired)  Oh,  yes,  you  have 
to  singe  it  first.  (Goes  to  fireplace  and  holds  badger 
over  fire.  Exit  Dolly  l.  4.  laughing  to  herself. 
Discovering,  a  few  minutes  later,  that  he  is  alone 
MacFarland  returns  to  table,  spreads  handker- 
chief and  lays  badger  on  it.  Then,  removing  coa^, 
and  rolling  up  sleeves,  he  whets  the  knife  a  couple 
of  tim^s  on  the  edge  of  the  table  and  tries  to  cuix 
the  animal's  limbs  preparatory  to  skinning  it.  He 
never  skinned  anything  before  and  his  actions  show 
it.  In  his  effort  to  get  the  skin  started,  he  pulls  off 
the  animaVs  tail,  stretches  its  body  twice  its  normal 
length  and  cuts  his  fingers.  Finally,  in  a  supreme 
effort  to  start  the  skin  by  sheer  force,  he  jerks  k 
so  violently  that  the  head  of  the  animal  slips  from 
his  grasp,  causing  the  whole  thing  to  hit  him.  Ex- 
asperated, he  rushes  to  rear  D.,  opens  it,  flings  the 
badger  out.  He  slams  door  and  goes  to  basin  and 
washes  hands) 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  39 

(Re-enter  Dolly,  she  is  again  in  her  blue  waist.) 

Dolly.  (As  she  rolls  up  her  sleeves)  Did  you 
slam  the  door  ? 

MacFarland.     I  closed  it. 

Dolly.     (Approaching  him)     Where  is  it? 

MacFarland.    The  squirrel? 

Dolly.    Yes. 

MacFarland.    We  will  have  him  for  breakfast. 

(Dolly  looks  at  him  puzzled.) 

Dolly.    What? 

MacFarland.  He  begged  to  be  allowed  to  see 
the  sun  rise  once  again. 

Dolly.  (Still  puzzled)  Did  you  throw  that 
badger  away? 

MacFarland.  I  deposited  him  gently  upon  the 
landscape. 

Dolly.  Are  you  almost  thru  with  the  wash 
basin  ? 

MacFarland.  (Politely)  Just  this  minute. 
(Facing  her)  May  I  please  have  something  to  dry 
my  hands  on? 

Dolly.  (Going  tozvards  him)  The  back  of  the 
door.  (MacFarland  goes  to  door  c,  finds  no 
towel.  Then  wipes  his  hands  on  door)  No !  The 
other  door. 

MacFarland.  (Seeing  towel  on  hack  of  cup- 
hoard  door)  Oh,  this  door.  (He  dries  hands. 
Dolly  picks  up  wash  basin,  and  starts  to  door  c.) 
Let  me  empty  that  for  you.  (Emptying  it  off  rear 
D.,  he  returns  with  it  to  stand,  fills  it  with  water 
and,  as  Dolly  approaches,  he  offers  her  the  soap) 

Dolly.  (Naively,  as  she  accepts  the  soap)  Did 
you  ever  go  to  boarding  school? 

MacFarland.  (Drying  his  hands  on  gunny- 
sack)     Not  exactly.    Why? 


40  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly.  (Lathering  her  hands)  You  are  so 
polite. 

MacFarland.    Thank  you. 

Dolly.  {Rirising  her  hands)  You  are  from  the 
city,  aren't  you? 

MacFarland.  {Apprehensive,  hut  trying  to  con- 
ceal it)     What  city? 

Dolly.    Denver. 

MacFarland.    {Smiling,  and  relieved)    Hardly. 

Dolly.  {As  she  dries  her  hands  on  sack)  I 
know  you  are  from  some  city. 

MacFarland.     How  can  you  tell? 

Dolly.  {As  MacFarland  dries  hands  on  other 
end  of  sack)     You  are  neither  bashful  nor  fresh. 

MacFarland.  Thank  you.  (Dolly  goes  to  cup- 
board, takes  a  tin  basin  therefrom,  MacFarland 
watches  her  admiringly.    Still  drying  his  hands) 

Dolly.  {Filling  basin  with  water)  Were  you 
ever  in  Boston? 

MacFarland.     Yes. 

Dolly.     Often? 

MacFarland.  Not  any  oftener  than  absolutely 
necessary.     Why  ? 

Dolly.  {Placing  basin  on  table)  My  Aunt 
Martha  insists  that  I  shall  go  there  to  college. 

MacFarland.    Don't  you  want  to? 

Dolly.    No,  I  want  to  go  to  New  York  City. 

MacFarland.  {Going  towards  table)  I  don't 
blame  you.    {Idealistically)    Oh,  I  don't  blame  you ! 

(Dolly  is  now  at  r.  side  of  table.    MacFarland 
is  at  up  side.) 

Dolly.  {Idealistically,  facing  front)  New  York 
must  be  the  grandest  city  in  the  world!  {Pause. 
Dolly  seems  to  be  dreaming.  MacFarland  seem^ 
to  be  dreaming  too) 

MacFarland.  {Smiling  idealistically)  It  is. 
Believe  me^  Xantippe,  it  is! 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  41 

(Dolly's  jaw  drops.  Her  expression  of  dreaminess 
instantly  gives  way  to  one  of  surprise.  She 
gazes  bewildered  front  a  moment,  then,  turn- 
ing abruptly  to  MacFarland,  sizes  him  up  at  a 
glance,  then:) 

Dolly.  (Tactfully)  Will  you  please  put  some 
twigs  on  the  fire?  (MacFarland  is  puzzled)  It 
is  turning  colder. 

MacFarland.    Certainly.    Where  are  they? 

Dolly.  In  the  twig  box.  (As  he  goes  toward 
fireplace,  Dolly  jerks  out  her  Colts  and  covers  him. 
Emphatically  and  quickly,  but  calmly.  As  Mac- 
Farland picks  up  piece  of  wood)  MacGinniss. 
(MacFarland  drops  the  wood,  wheels  about  and 
faces  her)  Throw  up  your  hands!  Drop  that 
knife !  (He  obeys)  Kick  it  over  here !  (He  obeys) 
Empty  your  pockets!  (He  obeys.  A  few  rifle 
cartridges,  match-case,  pipe  and  toothbrush  falling 
to  the  floor)  Take  off  your  coat !  (He  obeys.  She 
goes  to  him)  Put  it  on  the  table!  (He  obeys) 
Pick  up  that  rubbish!  (He  drops  on  his  knees  and 
begins  to  slowly  pick  up  the  contents  of  his  pockets) 
Hurry!  (He  hurries)  Put  it  on  the  mantelpiece. 
(He  obeys,  walking  sideways  and  keeping  eyes 
riveted  on  Dolly.  Is  afraid  she  will  shoot.  She 
indicates  chair  r.  of  table)  Sit  down.  If  you  move 
from  that  chair,  I'll  shoot  you. 

MacFarland.  (Swallowing  with  difficulty)  1 — 
I  won't  bat  an  eye.  (Dolly  takes  rifle  and  coat 
to  L.  3,  desposits  them  inside,  goes  up  to  cup- 
board, opens  it  and  takes  out  a  tin  basin.  Mac- 
Farland is  afraid  to  look  at  her)  What  are  you 
doing — 'getting  a  rope  to  hang  me  with? 

Dolly.    Potatoes. 

MacFarland.  Potatoes  ? 

Dolly.  (Putting  potatoes  from  sack  into  pan) 
I'm  going  to  get  supper  and  you're  going  to  help 


42  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

me.  (Puts  potato-knife  in  pan  and  brings  pan  down 
to  MacFarland)     Peel. 

MacFarland.  (Mystified  accepting  the  pan) 
Who  are  you  anyhow  ? 

Dolly.  It  doesn't  matter  who  I  am;  your  name 
is  MacGinniss.  You  are  wanted  in  New  York  City 
for  forgery.     Peel! 

(MacFarland  picks  up  potato  knife  and  a  potato 
as  if  to  peel  it,  then  pauses  and  looks  at  Dolly.) 

MacFarland.    Why  do  you  think  I  am  the  man? 

Dolly.  Your  picture  has  been  in  my  father's 
Rogue's  Gallery  almost  a  year.  A  man  of  your 
height,  build,  and  complexion,  whose  favorite  ex- 
pression is  "  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  ". 

MacFarland.  (Disgusted  with  himself,  dropping 
knife)'    Damn ! 

Dolly.  You*  are  the  man.  There  is  a  reward  of 
five  thousand  dollars  for  you,  and  I  am  going  to 
get  it — Peel! 

MacFarland.  (Peeling  slowly)  There  must  be 
some  mistake. 

Dolly.    There  is  not. 

MacFarland.    But 

Dolly.    Peel !    (Shoves  gun  almost  into  his  face) 

MacFarland.  Gladly.  (He  peels  very  rapidly, 
whittling  potato  into  strips) 

Dolly.  (Examining  coffee  pot,  which  is  on 
mantel)     Do  you  like  coffee? 

MacFarland.     Not  for  dinner. 

Dolly.  This  is  supper.  (Crosses  to  water 
bucket) 

MacFarland.  Excuse  me.  (He  glances  at  her. 
Her  back  is  to  him,  she  is  filling  coffee  pot  from 
water  bucket,  l.  c.  rear.  Slipping  his  hand  beneath 
his  hat,  MacFarland  draws  Colts  from  beneath  it 
and  lays  gun  in  his  lap,  behind  the  basin.     Ma©- 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  43 

Farland  examines  a  potato  curiously)  I  beg  your 
pardon,  but  is  this  potato  spoiled  ?  (Dolly  glances 
at  him)  It  looks  as  if  something  was  wrong  with 
one  of  its  eyes. 

(Dolly  goes  to  him,  on  l.  side  of  table.    He  hands 
her  potato  with  left  hand.) 

Dolly.  (Examining  potato)  Nonsense!  Noth- 
ing's the  matter  with — (As  she  examines  it,  he 
produces  gun  from  his  lap,  quietly  resting  the  end 
of  the  barrel  upon  the  edge  of  table) 

MacFarland.    Now  just  who  are  you  ? 

Dolly.  (Pointedly)  Never  mind — (He  raises 
gun,  she  sees  it)    Oh ! 

(MacFarland  springs  to  his  feet,  bdsin  of  potatoes 
falling  to  the  floor.) 

MacFarland.  (Covering  her,  he  is  so  frightened 
that  the  gun  shakes  like  a  leaf)  Throw  up  your 
hands !  (He  seizes  gun  with  both  hands  to  hold  it 
steady)  Sit  down!  (Dolly  obeys  frightenedly. 
MacFarland  takes  her  gun  from  its  holster)  If 
you  move  from  that  chair — I'll  shoot,  (Shoves  her 
gun  into  his  pocket,  then  kneels  and  picks  up  potatoes 
quickly,  puts  them  in  basin  and  hands  basin  to  her) 
Peel.  (She  takes  basin  and  begins  peeling)  Now 
just  who  are  you  anyway  ? 

Dolly.  (Peeling  nervously  rapid)  They — they 
call  me  Dolly.    (Stops  peeling) 

MacFarland.    Dolly  what?    Peel,  peel. 

Dolly.    Dolly  Kamman. 

MacFarland.  (Suspiciously)  Is  your  father 
frightened,  starts  to  rise,  falls  back  in  her  chair, 
limply,  her  hands  falling  to  her  side,  her  head  for- 
ward, the  pan  falling  to  the  floor.  MacFarland 
ward,  the  pan  falling  to  the  floor.    MacFarland 


44  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

frightened)  What's  the  matter  ?  (Rus-hing  around 
back  to  her  side)  Miss  Dolly!  (Chafing  her  hands 
vigorously)  Dolly!  Good  Lord,  I've  frightened 
the  life  out  of  her.  {A  few  moments  elapse.  She 
seems  to  have  fainted  completely) 

Dolly,  (Faintly)  Water — ^Water,  (MaC' 
Farland  rushes  to  water  bucket.  Dolly  raises  her 
head,  smiles  wisely  at  MacFarland's  back,  then 
feigns  stupor  again.  Rushing  back  to  her  with 
dipper  of  water,  MacFarland  holds  it  to  her  lips. 
She  seems  to  be  only  semi-conscious.  Sips  a  few 
sips  then,  sitting  up,  gazes  about  dazedly) 

MacFarland.  What  happened?  Are  you  bet- 
ter? 

Dolly.  (Stupidly,  gazing  blankly  straight  ahead) 
I — I  want  to  go  to  bed.  I  want  to  go  to  bed. 
(Growing  somewhat  hysterical.  Don't  overdo  it) 
Leave  me !    Leave  me — I  want  to  go  to  bed ! 

MacFarland.  (Somewhat  surprised,  to  him- 
self) Oh,  she  wants  to  go  to  bed !  (MacFarland 
starts  toward  rear  r.  Dolly  smiles  triumphantly. 
Exit  MacFarland  rear  door.  Dolly  is  glancing 
cautiously  at  rear  door,  when — re-enter  MacFar- 
land. Just  inside  doorway)  I  beg  your  pardon, 
Miss  Kamman,  but  could  you  lend  me  a  blanket 
for  the  night?  (She  glances  at  him)  I  can't  start 
home  until  morning  and  it  is  growing  colder  all  the 
time.     (Closes  door) 

Dolly.  (Indicating  l.  3  e.)  You  can  sleep  in 
there  if  you  want  to. 

MacFarland.    Where  would  you  sleep? 

Dolly.    (Indicating  camp-bed)    There. 

MacFarland.  (After  thinking  it  over  a  mo- 
ment)  Thank  you,  but  I  do  not  believe  that  I  can 
accept  your  hospitality.     (Opens  door) 

Dolly.    Why  not? 

MacFarland.     It  wouldn't  be  very — discreet. 

Dolly.    This  is  not  New  York  City. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  45 

MacFarland.    That  is  why  I  hesitate. 
Dolly.    (Pause)    I  don't  understand  you — I  said 
you  could  sleep  in  that  room.    I'll  sleep  in  this  room. 

(MacFarland  closes  door  and  starts  down  l.) 

MacFarland.  Yes,  but  suppose,  just  about  the 
time  I  got  well  located  for  the  night,  your  father 
should  pop  in. 

Dolly.  Father  won't  pop  in.  He  has  gone  to 
town  to  stay. 

MacFarland.    Well,  a  friend  or  a  neighbor,  then. 

Dolly.  There  isn't  a  friend  or  a  neighbof  within 
twenty  miles  of  here. 

MacFarland.  Do  you  mean  to  tell  me  that  you 
are  going  to  be  absolutely  alone  all  night  ? 

Dolly.    Yes. 

MacFarland.    Is  that  the  truth? 

Dolly.    Yes,  unless 

MacFarland.     Unless  what? 

Dolly.  Unless  you — stay.  (MacFarland  gases 
at  her  a  moment,  then  goes  abruptly  l.  3.  Dolly 
watches  him,  puzzled,  expectant,  doubting.  Arrived 
at  L.  3  he  stops,  meditates)  What  are  you  going 
to  do? 

MacFarland.  I  am  going  to  stay.  (He  glances 
at  her  a  moment,  then  goes  abruptly  rear  d.  and 
locks  door.  Dolly  at  sound  of  the  locking,  clenches 
her  hands.  She  is  frightened  but  controls  herself. 
Dolly  rises  and  steps  to  down  end  of  table,  gazing 
straight  ahead,  eyes  half  closed  schemingly.  Mac- 
Farland contemplates  her  a  few  moments,  admir- 
ingly, puzzledly,  puts  key  in  pocket,  then  comes 
down  to  her  pensively.  Over  her  shoulder,  gently, — 
he  thinks  she  is  absolutely  straight  but  is  going  to  he 
sure  of  it.  He  is  a  gentleman  throughout  the  act) 
Dolly — (A  trifle  closer  and  smiling)  Dolly — (He 
lays  his  hand  gently  on  her  shoulder,  Dolly  looks 


46  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

at  him  quickly  and  with  savage  defiance  like  a  little 
tigress  at  bay.  MacFarland  removes  his  hand 
from  her  shoulder.  He  is  convinced  that  she  is  the 
girl  he  thought  she  was)  I  beg  your  pardon.  I 
simply  wanted  to  be  sure  you  were  the  nice  little 
girl  I  thought  you  were.  You  are.  Good-night. 
Dolly.    Good-night. 

(MacFarland  goes  quickly  to  rear  d.,  unlocks  it, 
then  goes  to  l.  3.) 

MacFarland.  (At  j..  $)  I  shall  put  you  on 
your  honor  not  to  run  away. 

Dolly.    Thank  you. 

MacFarland.  Pleasant  dreams.  Nighty  nighty. 
(Exit  MacFarland  l.  3,  closing  door) 

(Dolly  glances  at  door,  pauses  a  moment,  then  goes 
quickly  to  her  camp-bed,  unties  the  ropes  and 
unrolls  it.  Turning  back  the  down  side  lap 
of  the  bed  cover,  she  thrusts  her  arm  between 
the  blankets  and  pulls  out  a  small  22  Winchester 
repeating  rifle,  cocks  it  and  lays  it  on  the  bed. 
She  then  crosses  to  table,  picks  up  candle, 
places  it  on  the  mantelpiece,  blows  it  out,  and 
crosses  to  bed  quietly.) 

Dolly.  (Excitedly  from  the  bed)  Oh! — • 
(Frightened)  Oh! — (Hysterically)  Mr.  Mac- 
Ginniss!    Mr.  Ginniss!    Mr.  Ginniss 

MacFarland.  (Rushing  in  from  l.  3)  What's 
the  matter?     Snakes  in  your  bed? 

Dolly.    Get  a  match — quick !    Quick !    Quick ! 

MacFarland.  Where  are  they?  Where  are 
they? 

Dolly.     On  the  mantelpiece.     Quick!     Quick! 

(In  rushing  to  mantelpiece,  MacFarland  falls  over 
a  chair.) 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  47 

MacFarland.  Hang  it!  (Throws  chair  up- 
stage) 

Dolly.     Hurry ! 

(MacFarland  at  mantelpiece,  strikes  match.  In 
his  haste,  he  strikes  too  hard.  Match  lights  but 
breaks.) 

MacFarland.  Confound  it !  (He  lights  another 
match) 

Dolly.  Do  hurry!  Light  the  candle!  (Mac- 
Farland r.  of  table,  lights  the  candle.  He  is  so 
occupied  with  lighting  it  that  he  does  not  look  at 
Dolly  until  she  speaks  to  him.  The  lighted  candle 
reveals  her  standing  beside  the  bed  with  the  22 
rifle  levelled  at  MacFarland.  Politely)  Thank 
you  very  much. 

MacFarland.  {Completely  flabbergasted)  Well, 
I'll  be — (Holds  flame  in  front  of  his  heart.  Smil- 
ing)    Shoot ! 

Dolly.  Sit  down.  (MacFarland  sits  in  chair, 
at  R.  of  table)     Where  is  my  gun? 

M.\cFarland.  In  father's  room.  (He  rises  and 
starts  toward  l.  3) 

Dolly.     Sit  down! 

MacFarland.    I  am  going  to  get  it  for  you. 

Dolly.    Sit  down ! 

MacFarland.  (After  sitting  in  chair  at  l.  of 
table)     I  suppose  you  will  take  me  to  jail  now. 

Dolly.  Twenty-five  miles  in  the  dark,  on  horse 
back,  with  you?     I  guess  not. 

MacFarland.  I  never  rode  a  horse  in  my  life. 
What  next? 

Dolly.    Go  to  bed. 

MacFarland.  Gladly!  (Jumps  up  and  starts 
rapidly  toward  l.  3) 

Dolly.  (Emphatically,  indicating  camp-bed) 
This  bed. 


48  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

MacFarland.  (Petulant,  after  halting.  He  is 
nozv  near  l.  3)  Say,  you  are  disturbing  my  plans 
for  the  evening.     {Comes  down  l.) 

Dolly.    Hurry ! 

MacFarland.  Just  as  you  say.  {He  begins  to 
unbuckle  belt — as  if  to  undress) 

Dolly.  Roll  in  as  you  are.  {He  glances  at  her. 
She  raises  gun  to  threatening  level) 

MacFarland.  {Wincing  at  sight  of  gun)  All 
right,  if  you  are  going  to  get  fussy  about  it. 
{Opening  the  end  of  the  bed,  he  sqrirms  into  it. 
Dolly  sits  in  chair  l.  of  table,  MacFarland  rest- 
ing on  elbow,  watching  Dolly.  Pause,  then — ) 
Are  you  sure  you  know  who  I  am? 

Dolly.    Go  to  sleep. 

MacFarland.    Are  you  sure  of  it? 

Dolly.  I  tell  you  your  picture  has  been  in  my 
father's  Rogue's  gallery  for  over  eleven  months.  I 
have  looked  at  it  every  day. 

MacFarland.  {Surprised  and  pleased)  You 
have  looked  at  my  picture  every  day  for  eleven 
months  ? 

Dolly,    Yes. 

MacFarland.  You  must  have  taken  a  fancy  to 
me  from  the  start. 

Dolly.    I  look  at  all  of  them. 

MacFarland.  {Squelched)  Oh!  {Turns  over 
and  faces  wall.  Feigns  sleep.  Presently,  without 
looking  at  her)    Did  you  ever  catch  anyone  before  ? 

Dolly.    No  one  like  you. 

(MacFarland  grows   big   eyed — with   pride  and 
wonderment.    He  sits  up.) 

MacFarland.  {Looking  at  her — smiling)  Just 
what  do  you  mean  "  No  one  like  you  ?  " 

Dolly.  {Pointing  gun  at  him,  emphaticaly)  Go 
to  sleep 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  49 

(MacFarland  drops  as  if  shot,  turns  over  quickly 
and  faces  wall.  Comedy  business,  killing  fly  on 
wall,  whistling  to  himself,  etc.,  then — ) 

MacFarland.  (Facing  wall)  I  won't  go  to 
sleep.  You  can  make  me  go  to  bed  but  you  can't 
make  me  go  to  sleep.  (Turns  over  on  hack,  comedy 
business  with  feet,  spreading  them  apart  and  bring- 
ing them  together,  gazing  up  at  ceiling,  indignant 
hut  helpless)  The  idea!  You,  a  little  bit  of  a  girl 
making  a  great  big  man  like  me  go  to  bed  with  his 
clothes  on.  It  isn't  right!  There's  nothing  in  the 
Constitution  that  says  a  girl  can  put  a  man  to  bed 
simply  because  he  looks  like  somebody  else.  I  won't 
go  to  sleep,  (Sitting  up)  I  am  going  to  sit  right 
here  and  watch  you  all  night. 

Dolly.    Very  well.    You  may. 

(Marked  pause.  MacFarland  rivets  his  eyes  on 
Dolly's  face.  Dolly,  indifferent  to  his  gaze, 
assumes  the  youthful  carefree  expression  of 
the  early  part  of  the  act.  Marked  pause. 
MacFarland  toys  with  bed  cover,  glances  at 
Dolly,  other  comedy  business.  Presently  he 
levels  his  finger  at  her,  arms  length  and 
threateningly.) 

MacFarland.  (With  the  subdued  emotion  of  a 
terrible  threat)  Dolly  Kamman,  if  you  don't  get 
out  of  this  room  within  the  next  ten  seconds,  I  will 
kiss  you.  (Dolly  remains  perfectly  calm,  eyes  fixed 
on  him.  He  counts  slozvly)  One — two — ^three — 
four — five — I'm  not  afraid  of  your  old  gun — five — 
six — seven!  (Throws  back  bed  covers)  eight — 
(Sits  on  edge  of  bed)  eight — and  a  half — nine — 
(Rises.  Dolly  calmly  cocks  the  rifle.  MacFar- 
land hesitates.    Dolly  levels  the  rifle  at  him) 

Dolly.     (Slowly)     One — (MacFarland  sits  on 


50  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

edge  of  bed,  his  eyes  on  Dolly)  Two — {He  gets 
into  bed)  Three — {He  covers  himself  zvith  bed 
covers,  pulls  them  up  to  chin)  Four — {He  covers 
his  head  with  covers.  Dolly  stands  the  rifle  against 
the  table)  Five — {He  squirms  down)  Six — {He 
humps  himself  like  a  snail)  Seven — {The  snail 
shifts  position,  its  head  now  being  dozvn-stage) 
Eight — {His  head  protrudes  beneath  cover.  He 
gasps  for  breath)     Nine — {He  grimaces  with  fear) 

MacFarland.  {Plaintively)  Don't  shoot !  For 
God's  sake,  don't  shoot ! 

Dolly.    Then  go  to  sleep. 

MacFarland.  Gladly!  {The  head  disappears. 
The  snail  flattens  out) 

Dolly.  {Pleasantly,  as  she  picks  up  rifle)  Good- 
night, Mr.  MacGinniss.     Pleasant  dreams  to  you. 

(MacFarland  waves  his  hand  to  her.  Nothing  hut 
the  hand  can  he  seen.  Rest  of  body  is  com- 
pletely covered  with  bed  cover.  Dolly  goes  to 
L.  D.  opens  it,  looks  at  the  covered  prisoner, 
then  closes  door,  to  make  him  think  she  has 
left  the  room.  Slight  pause,  then  MacFar- 
land peeps  slowly  out  from  head  of  bed  and, 
unconscious  of  Dolly's  presence,  gradually 
pushes  the  bed  covers  off  himself  and  crawls 
out  of  bed.  As  he  starts  tozvard  table  he  espies 
Dolly  whose  gun  is  leveled  at  him.  Madly  he 
scrambles  back  into  bed  and  jerks  the  covers 
over  his  head.  Dolly  exits  l.  3,  leaves  rifle 
there  and  returns  with  her  own  revolver.  She 
examines  chambers  to  see  that  they  are  still 
loaded,  then  places  gun  in  holster  and,  glancing 
frequently  at  the  sleeping  MacFarland 
throughout  it  all,  replenishes  the  fire,  puts  on 
coffee  pot,  adds  coffee  from  coffee  can  taken 
from  cupboard  and  starts  doivn  to  pick  up  the 
potatoes.    As  she  is  picking  them  up,  her  hack 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  51 

to  rear  d.  the  door  opens  slowly  and  noise- 
lessly, revealing  Simp  Calloway.  Simp  is  a 
mean-looking  desperado.  Wears  faded  blue 
riding  jumper  and  overalls,  old  leather  schapps 
Mexican  spurs  or  Mexican  hoots,  and  a  large 
black  Mountaineer's  felt  hat.  Has  a  zveek's 
grozvth  of  beard.  He  glances  about  the  room 
wearily,  then  scrutinises  Dolly  several  mo- 
ments. She  is  picking  up  potatoes  and  is  un- 
aware of  his  presence  until  he  speaks.) 

Simp.  (With  a  slow  drawl — standing  inside  door- 
way, hand  on  door)     Beg  pardon,  but 

(Dolly  glances  at  him,  recognizes  him  and  drops 
pan,  startled.) 

Dolly.  (Startled)  Oh !  (Ris^s  quickly.  Mac- 
Farland  sits  up) 

Simp,    Didn't  go  to  scare  you. 

Dolly.  (Laughing  nervously)  That's  all  right. 
You — ^you  startled  me,  that's  all.  (To  Mac-Far- 
land,  emphatically)  Lie  down !  (Simp's  hand  goes 
to  his  gun.  This  is  the  first  time  he  hds  seen  Mac- 
Farland.  MacFarland  obeys,  resting  on  his  side 
and  elbow  and  watching  them  during  following: 
Dolly  hospitably  to  Simp)     Come  on  in. 

Simp.  N'  thanks — jist  dropped  in  to  borrow 
a  couple  of  matches. 

Dolly.  Certainly.  (She  goes  up  to  the  cup- 
board. Throughout  the  following.  Simp  keeps  his 
eyes  on  MacFarland  and  Dolly  and  his  hand  on 
his  hip,  near  his  gun) 

Simp.  (As  Dolly  is  getting  matches  at  cup- 
board)    Is  your  husband  sick? 

Dolly.  (Going  to  him  with  box  of  matches) 
No. 

Simp.    Hurt? 


52  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly.     No,  tired.     (She  hands  him  matches) 

Simp.  (Putting  matches  in  jumper  pocket  with 
left  hand)     How  much  for  the  matches? 

Dolly.  Nothing.  (Sympathetically)  Aren't  you 
hungry  ? 

MacFarland.     I  am. 

Dolly.     (Looks  at  MacFarland)     Lie  down. 

Simp.  (To  Dolly)  Do  you  live  here ?  (Lights 
cigarette,  striking  match  on  inside  of  left  arm) 

Dolly.    No,  sir.    We  are  hunting. 

Simp.  (Grinning.  He  thinks  them  tenderfeet) 
Easterners,  eh? 

Dolly.  Mr.  MacGinniss  is.  (Quickly  and  very 
pleasantly)  Won't  you  have  just  a  cup  of  coffee 
with  us?  And  some  hot  biscuits? — and  some 
squirrel  ? 

Simp.  (Grinning,  pleased  at  prospect)  Reckon 
I  will.     (He  comes  in,  closing  door  after  him) 

Dolly.    Won't  you  sit  down? 

Simp.  (Back  against  door)  N',  thanks.  (He 
keeps  furtive  eye  on  l.  3) 

Dolly.  You  had  better  let  me  take  your  hat, 
then. 

Simp.    N',  thanks. 

Dolly.  (Smiling)  Supper  won't  be  ready  for 
quite  a  while. 

Simp.     N'  hurry. 

(Dolly  goes  to  fire.     Simp  watches  her  closely.) 

Dolly.  (Looking  into  coffee  pot)  You  might 
as  well  be  resting. 

Simp.  N',  thanks.  (Glancing  l.  3)  You  two 
alone  ? 

Dolly.  (Replenishing  the  fire)  Yes,  sir.  (She 
goes  down  to  table  and  picks  up  the  basin  of 
potatoes.  As  she  goes  up,  smiling  persuasively) 
Won't  you  please  sit  down? 

Simp.    (Satisfied  that  it  is  safe)    Reckon  I  wUl. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  53 

(As  he  goes  towards  table,  Simp  glances  at  rear  door 
significantly,  and  halts)     Fetch  it  to  me. 

Dolly.     (Blankly)     What? 

Simp.  (Indicating  chair)  The  chair.  I  hurt  my 
foot  the  other  day. 

Dolly.  (Obligingly)  Certainly.  (She  takes 
chair  to  him) 

Simp.  Thanks.  (Places  it  against  door  and  sits. 
Dolly  goes  to  water  bucket)  Been  havin'  any  luck 
huntin'  ? 

Dolly.  (Drolly  but  significantly)  No,  but  I 
think  I  shall  get  a  couple  of  bucks  before  the  season 
closes. 

Simp.    One  apiece,  eh? 

Dolly.     (Puzzled)     How  do  you  mean? 

Simp.    You  and  your  husband. 

Dolly.  Maybe.  (Pause)  Do  you  think  I'll  get 
them? 

Simp.    No,  I  don't  think  you  will. 

Dolly.  (Smiling)  We'll  see.  (Approaches 
Simp,  bucket  in  hand)  You  will  have  to  excuse  me 
a  moment. 

MacFarland.  (Jumping  up)  Let  me  get  the 
water ! 

(Instantly  Simp  is  on  his  feet,  hand  near  to  gun, 
watches  MacFarland.) 

Dolly.  (To  MacFarland)  Lie  down!  (Mac- 
Farland obeys.  To  Simp)  If  you  please.  (Simp 
picks  up  chair  with  left  hand.  Dolly  opens  the  door 
and  exits.  Simp  watches  her  closely.  MacFarland 
rises,  Simp  closes  door  and  places  chair  against  it. 
MacFarland  gets  out  of  bed  and  stretches  himself. 
Dolly  knocks  on  door.  MacFarland  sits  on  edge 
of  bed,  fearfully.  Dolly  knocks  on  door.  Simp 
picks  up  the  chair  with  left  hand.  Dolly  re-enters. 
As  she  looks  at  MacFarland  he  ducks  back  into 


54  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

bed,  and  pulls  covers  up  to  his  chin.  Dolly 
pleasantly  to  Simp)     You  play  poker,  don't  you? 

Simp.    Why? 

Dolly.  Mr.  MacGinniss  is  a  dreadfully  poor 
player.  I  want  you  to  teach  him  the  fine  points 
of  the  game.  (Setting  the  bucket  on  the  chair. 
Dolly  skips  to  the  cupboard  and  takes  a  deck  of 
cards  therefrom.  As  she  returns  to  Simp  who  hcts 
been  watching  her  curiously)  They  say  you 
Westerners  know  more  about  cards  than  anyone 
in  the  world.  (Smiling  as  she  hands  him  the  pack) 
You  will  teach  him,  won't  you? 

Simp.  (With  a  contemptible  drawl  as  if  despising 
anyone  who  can  not  play  poker)  Sure!  (Accepts 
the  cards.  Dolly  exits,  bucket  in  hand.  Simp 
closes  the  door,  places  the  chair  against  it,  and  puts 
cards  in  jumper  pocket.  MacFarland  throws 
covers  back  and  sits  up  the  moment  Simp  closes 
door.    Simp,  sitting)     Where  you  from,  Partner? 

MacFarland.  New — (Catching  self,  suspects 
Simp)     From  the  East, 

Simp.  (Taking  sack  of  tobacco  and  cigarette 
papers  from  jumper  pocket)  Must  have  some  purty 
nice  women  folk  back  there. 

MacFarland.  Yes,  but  they  aren't  as  fine  as  your 
Colorado  girls.  If  they  were,  I  would  have  married 
long  ago. 

Simp.  (Surprised)  Ain't  this  woman  your 
wife? 

MacFarland.  Not  yet,  but — (Smiles  hopefully, 
rises  and  crosses  r.) 

Simp.  (Rolling  cigarette)  I  see!  (Grinning 
as  he  crimps  end  of  cigarette)  I  see.  (As  Simp 
lights  the  cigarette,  MacFarland  now  at  r.  of  table, 
gazes  at  him,  puzzle dly) 

MacFarland.    What  ? 

Simp.    (Rising  and  pulling  up  schapps,  and  grin- 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  55 

fling)  Then  I  guess  she's  just  about  as  much  mine 
as  she  is  yourn. 

MacFarland.     (Quickly)    What  do  you  mean? 

Simp.  (Going  towards  him)  You  know  what  I 
mean. 

MacFarland.    I  do  not. 

Simp.  (Now  at  l.  side  of  table)  You  brought 
her  up  here,  but  if  you  keep  her  you've  got  to  prove 
yourself  a  better  man  than  me. 

MacFarland.  (At  side  of  table)  What  the 
devil  are  you  driving  at? 

Simp,     (Grinning)    Have  you  got  a  gun ? 

MacFarland.    No. 

Simp.    Then  we'll  play  for  her. 

MacFarland.    We  will  not ! 

Simp.  (Mildly  emphatic,  but  with  an  oily  smile) 
I  say  we  will.    Sit  down. 

MacFarland.    I  tell  you 

Simp.  Sit  down.  (Jerks  out  gun.  MacFarland 
sits.  Then  oily)  I  said  we'd  play  for  the  girl. 
(MacFarland  rises,  Simp  shoves  gun  at  him)  Sit 
down!  (MacFarland  obeys  doggedly.  Simp 
tosses  him  the  pack  of  cards)  Shuffle!  (Keeping 
his  eyes  constantly  on  MacFarland,  Simp  goes 
to  rear  d.  He  picks  up  chair  which  has  been  against 
door,  starts  down  towards  table  again) 

MacFarland.  (As  Simp  comes  down)  Now 
look  here,  this  little  girl  is  absolutely  all  right. 

Simp.  I  said  shuffle.  And  I  mean  it,  too.  (Simp 
now  at  r.  side  of  table,  glares  at  MacFarland. 
MacFarland  picks  up  cards,  shuffles  them.  Simp 
puts  gun  in  holster.  MacFarland  puts  cards  in 
front  of  Simp.  Simp  cuts  them.  MacFarland 
picks  them  up  and  begins  dealing  them  one  at  a 
time,  alternately.  As  he  is  dealing  them,  the  rear 
door  opens  quietly  and  Dolly  enters.  Her  revolver 
is  leveled  at  Simp,  Neither  he  nor  MacFarland 
see  Dolly) 


56  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly.  (Calmly,  from  inside  doorway)  Simp! 
(Simp  springs  to  his  feet  and  grabs  for  his  gun. 
Dramatically  emphatic)  Don't  touch  it!  Don't 
touch  it!  (Siup's  hands  drop  at  his  side)  Throw 
up  your  hands. 

{With  a  powerful  blow,  Simp  sweeps  ihe  candle 
from  the  table,  extinguishing  it.  The  men 
scuffle,  upsetting  chairs  and  table.) 

MacFarland.  {As  they  scuffle)  Don't  shoot, 
Dolly !    Don't  shoot ! 

{The  fight  continues  a  few  moments,  then  Simp 
suddenly  cries  out  with  pain.) 

Simp.    Stop !  1    Stop  I !    For  God's  sake,  stop ! ! 

MacFarland.    Kneel!    Miss  Dolly! 

Dolly.    Yes. 

MacFarland.    Light  the  gas. 

Dolly.  Gas?  Who  ever  heard  of  gas  up  here! 
{She  rushes  to  the  cupboard,  and  a  moment  later, 
strikes  a  match  and  lights  a  candle  taken  from  cup- 
board. As  she  comes  down  with  candle,  the  men 
are  revealed  somewhat  to  r.  of  c.  MacFarland  is 
sitting  on  Simp's  back,  with  one  of  Simp's  thumbs 
in  each  of  his  hands.  Dolly,  revolver  in  one  hand, 
candle  in  other,  goes  to  them.  In  amazement — to 
MacFarland)  How  in  the  world  did  you  ever  do 
it? 

MacFarland.    Jiu  Jitz. 

Dolly.  "  Juie "  him  some  more  till  I  find  his 
gun. 

Simp.     Who  is  that  little  devil? 

MacFarland.    Dolly  Kamman. 

Simp.    Not  Buck  Kamman's  kid? 

MacFarland.    Yes.    Is  he  a  friend  of  yours? 

Simp.  Not  by  a  damn  sight !  {Struggles  to  get 
loose)    Let  me  go! 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  57 

Dolly.    Simp,  where's  your  gun? 

MacFarland.  What  did  you  do  with  it? 
Answer  her. 

Simp.  You  knocked  it  out  of  my  hand.  It's  on 
the  floor. 

MacFarland.  (To  Dolly)  Look  under  the 
table. 

(Dolly  goes  to  table,  which  is  now  on  its  side,  and, 
among  the  legs,  finds  Simp's  gun.) 

Dolly.    I  have  it. 

MacFarland.  (To  Simp,  as  Dolly  shoves  his 
gun  into  her  own  holster)  Stand  up  or  I'll  break 
your  thumbs ! 

Simp.  (Getting  up,  MacFarland  pulling  him) 
I'll  get  you  for  this ! 

MacFarland.  I've  got  you  first!  (To  Dolly) 
Tie  his  hands,  Miss  Dolly.  (Dolly  picks  up  one 
of  the  bed  ropes  and  ties  Simp's  wrists  together^ 
behind  his  back)    That's  the  stuff! 

Dolly.    Now  put  him  to  bed. 

MacFarland.  (To  Simp,  triumphantly)  Now 
you  go  to  bed.  (Throws  him  into  bed  and  jumps 
on  top  of  him) 

Dolly.  (Giving  MacFarland  another  rope) 
Tie  his  feet,  Mr.  MacGinniss. 

(Simp  kicks  wildly.) 

MacFarland.    If  he  kicks  me,  shoot  him. 

(Simp   stops   kicking   and   MacFarland   ties  his 
ankles  together.) 

Dolly.  (To  MacFarland,  a!s  he  rises  from  his 
task)     Thank  you  very  much,  Mr.  MacGinniss. 

MacFarland.  (Smiling)  The  pleasure  is  all 
mine.    Now  I  shall  help  you  guard  him. 


58  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly.     (Pleasantly)    You  shall  go  back  to  bed. 

MacFarland.     (Dumbfounded)     What? 

Dolly.  (Pleasantly  commandatory)  Go  back 
to  bed. 

MacFarland.     (Indicating  Simp)     With  himf 

Dolly,  (With  admiration)  Mr.  MacGinniss, 
you  are  a  brave  man,  and  I  am  deeply  grateful  for 
what  you  have  done,  but  you  are  a  fugitive  from 
justice  and  it  is  my  duty  to  take  you  to  jail. 

(At  "Fugitive  from  Justice",  Simp  rolls  over  on 
side  and  stares  at  MacFarland,  in  amaze- 
ment.) 

MacFarland.  Do  you  visit  your  papa's  jail 
often? 

Dolly.    No,  but  I  could. 

MacFarland.    Will  you? 

Dolly.  Perhaps,  but  until  you  are  in  my  father's 
jail — back  to  bed. 

MacFarland.  (Humbly  but  pleasantly)  Yes, 
ma'am.  (To  Simp,  savagely,  as  he  crawls  into  bed) 
Get  over ! 

Dolly.  (Leaning  against  edge  of  table)  Well,  I 
said  I'd  get  a  couple  of  bucks  before  the  season 
closed. 

Curtain 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  59 


ACT  III 

Scene:  T^vo  days  later.  Sheriff  Kamman's  office 
in  the  County  Jail  Building,  Delta,  Colorado. 
Morning.  It  is  an  untidy  room.  Roughly 
furnished  and  seldom  swept. 

Rear  wall  c.  A  heavy  black  iron  door  with 
bolt,  lock  and  white  painted  sign:  "No  Admit- 
tance." When  this  door  is  opened  the  interior 
of  the  cell  room  can  be  seen.  To  r.  of  door, 
a  black  bulletin  board  upon  which  are  tacked 
several  "  Lost  strayed  or  stolen "  and  "  Re- 
ward" bulletins.  In  the  c.  of  the  board,  and 
well  spaced  from  the  other  notices,  is  an  un- 
usually large  and  boldly  printed  circular  read- 
ing: 

"$5,000  Reward!!!! 
For  the  Capture  of  George  MacGinniss. 

Description 


To  L.  of  door  a  large  clothes  cabinet  with 
double  doors.  It  serves  the  dual  purpose  of 
clothes  closet  and  arsenal.  Contains  rifles, 
shot  guns,  hand-cuffs,  etc. 

Right  wall:  r.  4.  a  door  opening  upon  the 
street.  On  its  exterior  side  in  large  black  letters 
is  painted  "  County  Jail ".  In  smaller  letters 
beneath  that:  "Sheriff's  Office",  r.  2,  a 
window  with  iron  bars.    Against  the  wall,  be- 


6o  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

tween  window  and  door  an  old,  faded,  black 
haircloth  couch.  Above  the  couch  hangs  a  large 
map  of  Colorado.     It  is  hung  crooked. 

Left  wall:  A  large  map  of  the  United  States. 
It,  too,  hangs  crooked.  Rear  corner,  a  medium- 
sized  square  iron  safe  upon  the  top  of  which  is 
a  stack  of  old  record  books  untidly  arranged. 

Lower  c.  an  old  flat  top  desk,  letter  littered, 
with  a  telephone  upon  it,  a  pivot  chair  behind 
it  and  a  willow  waste-basket  to  r.  of  it.  An 
old  spittoon  to  l.  of  it.  The  walls  and  floor  of 
the  room  are  painted  a  lead  gray. 

The  room  is  discovered  empty,  both  doors 
closed. 

Enter  Wrenn  the  Jailer,  singing  "Little 
Fishes  in  the  Brook."  Wrenn  is  lazy  but  good- 
natured.  Wears  old  black  trousers,  and  a  black 
sateen  shirt  open  at  the  throat.  Big  officer's 
star  on  breast. 

Wrenn  is  carrying  an  empty  glass  tumbler. 
He  enters  rear  d.  c,  closes  cell  room  door, 
comes  down  to  desk,  opens  upper  drawer,  takes 
a  whiskey  flask  therefrom,  holds  flask  up, 
admires  its  contents,  pours  some  whiskey  into 
the  tumbler,  replaces  flask  in  desk  and  closes 
the  drawer. 

Enter  Dolly,  r.  d.  She  wears  dark  skirt, 
light  waist  and  is  bareheaded.  Very  pretty 
and  buoyant.    As  she  enters — 

Dolly.  (Jovially  and  buoyantly  and  with  likable 
familiarity)     Hello,  Wrenn. 

Wrenn.  {Jovially  as  Dolly  closes  door)  Hello, 
Dolly. 

Dolly.    {Eagerly)    How  is  my  prisoner  ? 

Wrenn.    Which  one? 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  6i 

Dolly.    MacGinniss,  of  course. 

Wrenn.    Stiff  and  sore. 

Dolly.  (Quickly  and  anxiously)  He  isn't  sick, 
is  he? 

Wrenn.    No,  but  he  says  he  wishes  he  was  dead. 

Dolly.     (Astonished)     What? 

Wrenn.  He  says,  he  wished  you'd  hit  him  back 
of  the  ear  with  a  club  and  hauled  him  into  town 
on  a  pack  horse. 

Dolly.    Why? 

Wrenn.  He  has  blisters  on  his  feet  as  big  as 
flapjacks.     (Chuckles) 

Dolly.  I  offered  to  let  him  ride  Molly  part  of  the 
way. 

Wrenn.    He  was  telling  me  about  it. 

Dolly.    What  did  he  say  ? 

Wrenn.  He  said  it  was  a  case  of  getting  blistered 
either  way — riding  or  walking.     (Chuckles) 

Dolly.  It's  no  laughing  matter.  If  it  hadn't  been 
for  him  I  could  never  have  gotten  Simp  Calloway 
down  here  alive.  (Indicating  tumbler  from  which 
Wrenn  has  been  sipping)  Is  that  for  Mr.  Mac- 
Ginniss ? 

Wrenn.  (Contemplating  remainder  of  contents) 
Well,  it  7uas  for  him. 

Dolly.    I'll  take  it  to  him. 

Wrenn.  No.  I've  had  strict  orders  from  your 
fat4ier  not  to  let  no  one  see  the  prisoners. 

Dolly.    Give  it  to  me. 

Wrenn.    But  your  father  said 

(Dolly  takes  tumbler  from  him,  then — ) 

Dolly.    Give  me  the  key  to  his  cell. 
Wrenn.    No,  Dolly,  I've  had  strict  orders  from 
your  father  not  to  let  no  one  see  the  prisoners. 
Dolly.    Whose  prisoners  are  they,  anyhow? 

Wrenn.    But  your  father  said 

Dolly.    Give  me  that  key. 


62  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Wrenn.  (Remonstratively)  But  your  father 
said, — Dolly  your  father  said 

Dolly.  (After  stamping  her  foot  emphatically) 
I  said,,  give  me  that  key. 

Wrenn.  (As  he  reluctantly  places  key  on  desk) 
There  she  is,  but  if  you  take  her  you  take  her  at 
your  own  risk. 

Dolly.  (Pleasantly  as  she  picks  up  the  key) 
Thank  you. 

Wrenn.    That  lets  me  out. 

(Dolly  goes  to  rear  d.  with  key  and  tumbler.) 

Dolly.  (At  rear  d.)  Has  father  heard  from 
the  New  York  officers  yet? 

Wrenn.  Nope.  (As  Doi.ly  exits  rear  d.)  Now 
remember,  you're  doing  that  at  your  own  risk.  If 
anything  happens 

(Exit  Dolly  rear  door,  closing  it  behind  her'self. 
Enter  Kamman  r.  d.  He  is  fresh  shaven,  wears 
a  clean  suit  of  light  green  corduroy,  well  oiled 
boots  with  tops  under  trousers'  legs,  and  a  new 
Stetson  hat.  In  one  hand  carries  a  box  of 
cigars  and  in  the  other  a  telegram.) 

Kamman.  (Jubilantly)  He's  the  man,  Wrenn. 
(Coming  to  desk)  Listen  to  this: — (Reading  tele- 
gram) "Hold  MacGinniss.  Am  sending  officers 
with  extradition  papers.  Arthur  Sole.  New  York 
City."  (Slapping  Wrenn  on  back)  Now  tell  me 
my  Dolly  girl  isn't  a  hero ! 

Wrenn.  (Examining  telegram)  I  always  said 
the  people  of  this  here  County  should  have  elected 
her  Sheriff  instead  of  her  Dad. 

Kamman.  (Offering  box  of  cigars  to  Wrenn) 
Have  one  on  Dolly.  (Wrenn  takes  one)  Take  a 
handful. 

Wrenn.      (As   he    takes   several)      No,    one's 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  03 

enough;  one's  enough.     (Pocketing  cigars)    Thank 
you,  Buck. 

Kamman.  (Pocketing  telegram)  Thank  Dolly. 
(He  puts  box  of  cigar's  in  upper  drawer  of  desk  and 
taking  another  telegram  from  pocket  frozvns  at  it) 
But  here  is  a  telegram  that  does  put  the  blind  bridles 
on  me.  (He  rests  his  foot  on  bottom  of  pivot  chair 
ttnd  reads:)  "  Handle  MacGinniss  tenderly.  Give 
him  three  square  meals,  plenty  of  sleep  and  lots  of 
exercise." 

Wrenn.  (Biting  off  end  of  cigar)  That  is  a 
heller. 

Kamman.  And  listen  to  this:  "Deprive  him  of 
none  of  the  luxuries  of  life.    Signed  Arthur  Sole  ". 

Wrenn.    A  blue-blooded  crook,  eh? 

Kamman.  Looks  that  way — (As  he  pockets  tele- 
gram) Well,  give  him  anything  he  wants,  Wrenn. 
New  York's  paying  for  it. 

Wrenn.  Suppose  he  asks  for  a  bucket  of 
champagne  ? 

Kamman.  Wire  to  Denver  and  get  it.  But  say, 
Wrenn,  doesn't  it  strike  you  kind  of  queer  that  this 
New  Yorker  and  Simp  Calloway  were  feeding  on 
the  same  range  at  the  same  time? 

Wrenn.  No,  no.  They're  pals.  Working  to- 
gether. For  all  we  know,  maybe  they  had  some- 
thing framed  up  on  the  bank  right  here  in  town. 
You  know.  Simp  is  supposed  to  have  had  a  hand  in 
that  bank  robbery  over  near  Salt  Lake  City. 

Kamman.  I  guess  we'll  keep  a  pretty  close  eye 
on  that  New  Yorker  even  if  he  is  blue-blooded. 
(He  tvinks  wisely  at  Wrenn  and  picks  up  telegram) 

Wrenn.    (Goes  up  c.)    I'll  hobble  him  right  now. 

Kamman,  (In  telephone  as  Wrenn  starts  up) 
Number  12,  please.  (Glancing  up)  Wrenn.  (In 
'phone  as  Wrenn  comes  dozvn  r.)  Try  it  again, 
please.  (To  Wrenn)  Would  you  call  preserved 
peaches  and  custard  pie  luxuries? 


64  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Wrenn.    I  sure  would. 

Kamman.  I'm  'phoning  Martha  to  bring  some 
down  to  MacGinniss.  (In  'phone)  Not  in? — all 
right.  (To  Wrenn  as  he  hangs  up  receiver) 
Wrenn,  I  laid  awake  all  last  night  thinking  of  some 
way  to  show  Dolly  how  much  I  appreciate  the  pluck 
she  showed  in  landing  this  man  MacGinniss,  and  do 
you  know  what  I've  decided  to  do  ? 

Wrenn.    Buy  her  a  six-shooter? 

Kamman.  I've  decided  to  make  her  a  depi\ty 
sheriff. 

Wrenn.    Great.     (They  shake  hands) 

Kamman.  On  my  way  down  here  this  morning 
I  dropped  into  Charley  Frazier's  store  and  told  him 
to  send  down  the  best  roll-top  desk  he  had  in  the 
shebang.  (Strutting  l.,  hands  behind  back)  It's  a 
dinger,  too,  a  little  fellow  with  lots  of  cubbyholes 
and  a  green  felt  blotting  pad  and  a  little  oak  chair. 
(Returning  r.)  I'm  going  to  put  it  over  there  where 
the  lounge  is.  Come  on,  let's  toss  this  old  incubator 
out  of  the  jail  right  now.  (They  cross  to  the  couch 
and  pick  it  up.  Kamman  at  the  down  end  and 
Wrenn  in  shirt  sleeves  at  up  end,  when — Enter 
Martha  r.  4.  She  is  a  well-built  woman  of  forty 
and  wears  a  calico  house-dress  and  a  calico  sun 
bonnet)    Hello,  Martha.    I  just  'phoned  up  to  you. 

(They  lift  lounge.) 

Martha,     (Alarmed)    What  has  happened? 

Kamman.  Nothing,  I  just  wanted  you  to  send 
down  some  luxuries  to  MacGinniss. 

Martha.  (Gravely  going  to  desk)  Is  Dorothy 
here? 

Kamman.    Not  yet. 

Martha.    That  disturbs  me. 

Kamman.     (Halting)    Why? 

Martha.  (Worried)  She  said  she  was  coming 
down  to  administer  to  her  prisoners. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  65 

Kamman.  She  probably  went  to  the  post-office 
first. 

Martha.  Possibly.  But  when  she  comes,  please 
do  not  let  her  talk  to  the  prisoners. 

Kamman.  (Resting  his  end  of  the  couch  on  the 
floor)  I  have  already  given  Wrenn  strict  orders 
not  to  let  anyone  see  the  prisoners  in  my  absence. 

(Wrenn  holds  his  end  of  couch.) 

Martha.  That  was  very  thoughtful  of  you, 
Bertram.  (Kamman  picks  up  end  of  couch)  You 
know,  girls  at  Dorothy's  age  are  inclined  to  be  a  bit 
romantic. 

Kamman.  Not  Dolly.  {Puts  down  his  end  of 
couch)     She's  a  deputy  sheriff  now. 

(Wrenn  gets  angry  but  holds  on  to  his  end  of 
couch.) 

Martha.  (Going  towards  him)  I  do  not  wish 
to  be  severe  with  the  child — (Kamman  picks  up 
couch)     But  if  sister  Belle  were  living— — 

(Kamman  rests  couch  on  floor.     Wrenn  drops  it 
and  sits  on  couch  disgusted.) 

Kamman.  (His  hand  gently  on  Martha's 
shoulder)  I  understand,  Martha.  I  won't  let  her 
see  the  prisoners.  I've  told  Wrenn  not  to  let  any- 
one see  them  and  he  always  obeys  my  orders. 

Wrenn.  (Greatly  agitated  and  trying  to  get 
Buck  off  the  subject)    Give  me  a  light,  Buck. 

(Kamman   hands  him  his  cigar.      Enter  Dolly 
rear  d.) 

Martha.     (Shocked)     Porothy ! 


66  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly.     (Merrily)     Hello,  everybody. 

Kamman.  (Severely  going  toward  her)  What 
are  you  doing  in  there? 

Dolly.  (Closing  door)  Watering  my  five- 
thousand  dollar  prisoner. 

Martha.     (To  Kamman)     There  you  are! 

K!amman.  (To  Wrenn)  I  thought  I  gave  you 
strict  orders  not  to 

Wrenn.     (To  Dolly)     See! 

Dolly.  (Prettily  independent  to  Kamman)  He's 
my  prisoner.  If  I  vi^ant  to  feed  him  I  am  going  to 
feed  him.  If  I  want  to  talk  to  him  I  am  going  to 
talk  to  him.  (Shaking  finger  playfully  severe  at 
him)  And  I  am  going  to  do  it  when  I  please — where 
I  please — and  if  you  don't  like  it 

('Phone  rings.) 

Kamman.  (At  'phone,  Dolly  to  r.  of  him) 
Hello — Yes,  this  is  Buck  Kamman.  (Excited) 
What  ? — The  bank  at  Grand  Junction  ? — Headed  this 
way? — You  bet  your  life  I'll  chase  them.  (Hangs 
up  receiver) 

Dolly.  {At  his  side,  intensely  interested) 
What's  happened? 

Kamman.  The  bank  at  Grand  Junction  was  held 
tip  not  fifteen  minutes  ago.  Three  masked  men  shot 
the  cashier,  held  up  the  clerks  and  got  away  with 
twenty  thousand  dollars.     (He  rushes  to  cabinet) 

Dolly.    Really  ? 

Kamman.  (Taking  his  Colts  belt  from  cabinet) 
Thone  for  Monk! 

Dolly.     (In  'phone)     24  please.  And  hurry! 

Wrenn.  (To  Ejvmman)  Is  there  anything  I 
can  do,  Buck? 

Kamman.  (To  Wrenn,  as  he  puts  on  spurs) 
Put  a  ball  and  chain  on  MacGinniss. 

Wrenn.  Put  she  is,  Buck.  (He  pushes  couch 
back  where  it  was) 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  67 

Martha.  (To  Kamman  who  is  putting  on  an  old 
coat)    Do  be  careful,  Bertram. 

Dolly.     (In  'phone)     For  heaven's  sake,  hurry! 

Martha.  (Her  hand  on  Kamman's  shoulder) 
Don't  get  shot  if  you  can  help  it,  Bertram.  (Enter 
MacFarland,  rear  i.  Martha  screams.  Dolly 
startled,  drops  the  receiver.  Wrenn  and  Kamman 
instantly  cover  MacFarland  with  Colts) 

MacFarland.  (Calmly,  with  palms  upraised  to 
Kamman  and  Wrenn)  Don't  shoot,  don't  shoot. 
I'm  not  going  to  run  away.  (To  Kamman)  What 
are  the  prospects  of  getting  into  communication  with 
a  real  good  cigar? 

Dolly.    Bright. 

Martha.  (Shocked)  Dorothy!  (Dolly  goes 
quickly  to  her  father,  frisks  his  vest,  takes  a  cigar 
and  starts  tozvard  MacFarland.  Martha  about  to 
intercede)     Dorothy! 

Dolly.  (To  Martha)  They  were  made  to 
smoke.     (She  gives  it  to  MacFarland) 

MacFarland.  (Taking  cigar  and  bowing)  I 
thank  you.  (7*0  Wrenn,  going  toward  him)  Match 
please.  (Wrenn  backs  away  from  him.  Dolly 
goes  to  her  father.  He  hands  her  a  match.  She 
lights  it  on  her  father's  gun  and  hands  it  to  Mac- 
Farland. MacFarland  accepting  it)  I  thank  you. 
{To  Kamman,  as  he  calmly  lights  cigar)  Going 
some  place.  Sheriff? 

Martha.  Your  comrades  in  crime  have  robbed 
a  bank. 

MacFarland.  Not  my  comrades.  I'm  an  Elk. 
(To  Kamman,  genially)  Don't  you  want  a  nice, 
bright  young  man  to  help  you.  Sheriff  ? 

Kamman.  (Handing  Dolly  rifle  from  cabinet) 
Watch  him.  (To  Wrenn,  warningly)  Come  on! 
Maybe  Simp  is  out,  too.    (Kamman  rushes  off  rear) 

Wrenn.  (Following  him)  Come  on,  she  ^, 
Buck.     (Exits  rear) 


68  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

MacFarland.  (To  Dolly)  You  are  looking 
very  nice  this  morning, 

Martha.  (Severely)  Are  you  attempting  to 
make  bold  with  my  niece  ? 

MacFarland.  I  am  not.  (He  hastens  toward 
Dolly) 

Martha.    Stop ! 

(Dolly  covers  him  with  rifle.    He  puts  his  hand  to 
pistol  pocket.) 

Dolly.    Throw  up  your  hands. 

MacFarland.  (Holding  up  cell  key  which  he 
has  taken  from  pocket)  The  key.  (Dolly  lowers 
rifle.  He  goes  to  her)  You  left  it  in  the  lock  of 
my  cell. 

Martha.     (Shocked)     Dorothy! 

MacFarland.  (Pleasantly)  Don't  do  it  again. 
If  some  one  else  had  found  it,  it  might  have  em- 
barrassed you,     (Puts  key  on  end  of  Dolly's  rifle) 

Dolly.  (Deeply  grateful)  Thank  you !  Oh,  how 
I  thank  you ! 

Kamman.  (Re-entering  rear  door)  Get  back 
to  your  cell. 

MacFarland.  (To  Kamman)  Just  a  moment. 
(To  Dolly,  as  she  slips  the  key  into  the  pocket' of 
her  waist)  Did  you  send  those  telegrams  to  New 
York  for  me  last  evening? 

Dolly,    Yes. 

MacFarland,  (Anxiously)  Sure  you  didn't 
make  any  mistake?  Arthur  Sole  and  Thornton 
Brown  ? 

Dolly.    Yes — Thornton  Brown  and  Arthur  Sole. 

MacFarland,  Good!  (To  Dolly)  You  know 
they're  my  best  friends  and  they  said  if  I  ever  got 
arrested  to 

Kamman.  (Stepping  between  MacFarland  and 
Dolly)    Get  back  to  your  cell. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  69 

MacFarland.  (To  Kamman)  Can't  you  see 
that  you  are  interrupting  a  very  pleasant  conversa- 
tion? 

Kamman.    Shut  up! 

MacFarland.  I  am  shut  up.  (Starting  toward 
rear  d.  escorted  by  Kamman)  Say,  what  right 
have  you  to  try  to  make  me  stop  talking?  There's 
nothing  in  the  Constitution  that  says  you  can  make 
a  man  shut  up,  even  if  he  is  in  jail.  (Exits  rear  d. 
followed  by  Kamman) 

Martha.  (Severely")  Dorothy  Kamman,  were 
you  in  that  man's  cell?  (Dolly,  as  though  not 
hearing  her,  takes  key  from  pocket  and  ga.zes  be- 
wilder edly  at  it)  Answer  me!  Were  you  in  his 
cell? 

Dolly.    Partly, 

Martha,     (Shocked)    Oh ! 

Dolly.  I  handed  him  some  water — and  a  glass. 
(Picks  up  the  telephone  receiver.  In  'phone — ) 
Hello — haven't  you  got  the  livery  stable  yet? — 
Hurry — Hello,  Gord — Send  Monk  down  to  the  jail 
right  away — Don't  stop  to  feed  him — And,  Gord,  if 
any  of  the  boys  are  there  send  them  right  down  on 
fresh  horses — Grand  Junction's  been  held  up — (As 
she  hangs  up  receiver,  Martha  crosses  to  her  and 
lays  her  hand  gently  on  Dolly's  shoulder) 

Martha.  I  trust  this  has  taught  you  a  lesson. 
(Dolly  does  not  seem  to  hear  her.  Her  mind  is  on 
the  key)  You  must  not  think  that  simply  because 
you  fortunately  captured  two  disreputable  thieves 
you  are  a  grown  woman.  That  bold  New  Yorker 
is  no  gentleman  and  I  am  pained  to  see  you 

Dolly.  (Absent-mindedly  but  emphatic)  Go 
to  bed ! 

Martha.     Dorothy ! 

Dolly.  (Kindly)  Oh,  I  didn't  mean  to  say  that. 
Please  go  home. 

Martha,     (In  mellowing  voice  which  stimulates 


70  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

genuine  sympathy)  You  forget  that  I  am  your 
Aunt. 

Dolly.  (Gently  taking  Martha's  hand  in  her 
own)  No  I  don't,  but  when  we  are  ourselves  again 
we  will  talk  it  over,  calmly.     (Dolly  kisses  her) 

Martha.  That  is  better,  much  better.  (Martha 
kisses  Dolly,  and  exits,  R.  3) 

(Dolly  gazes  at  key  and  crosses  to  desk  l.  c. 
Re-enter  Kamman,  rear  d.  frotvning  per- 
plexedly.) 

Kamman.  {Coming  down  to  desk  where  Dolly 
now  statids)  How  did  that  man  get  out?  (Dolly 
hands  him  the  key)    Did  you  give  him  this? 

Dolly.  (Fingering  lock  of  rifle  which  lies  on 
desk)  I  handed  him  a  glass  of  water,  and  left  it  in 
the  lock. 

Kamman.  (Astonished  at  her  carelessness) 
What? 

Dolly.  That  is  why  he  came  out.  He  was  afraid 
someone  else  might  find  it  there  and  embarrass  me. 

Kamman.    Did  he  say  that  ? 

Dolly.  Yes.  (Kamman  scratches  his  chin 
pensively)     Father,  that  man  is  no  criminal. 

Kamman.     (Quickly)     What  do  you  mean? 

Dolly,  I  mean  he  is  not  the  criminal  we  think 
he  is. 

Kamman.  (Close  to  her)  Now  don't  get  senti- 
mental, Dolly.  You  pulled  off  something  pretty 
good  when  you  caught  those  two  outlaws  single- 
handed.     Now  don't  up  and  spoil  it. 

Dolly.  (With  simple  sincerity,  looking  up  into 
his  face)     I  know  what  I  know. 

Kamman.    What  do  you  know? 

Dolly.  (Solemnly)  I  know  that  that  man  is  a 
man.  (Kamman  puts  his  hand  to  her  forehead, 
then  picks  up  'phone)    I  'phoned  for  Monk. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  71 

Kamman.    Fm  going  to  'phone  for  a  doctor. 

Dolly.     (Puzzled)    What  for? 

Kamman.  The  nervous  strain  of  the  past  three 
days  is  getting  the  best  of  you. 

Dolly.  Nonsense !  (Takes  'phone  from  him  and 
sets  it  on  desk) 

Wrenn.  (Re-entering  rear  d.  Marveling  at 
MacFarland's  nerve  in  asking  such  a  question) 
Say,  what  do  you  know  about  that?     (Chuckles) 

Kamman.    What? 

Wrenn.  (Crossing  toward  couch)  MacGinniss 
wants  to  know  if  he  can  go  out  walking  this  after- 
noon?   (Sits  on  couch  and  laughs) 

Kamman.  (To  Wrenn)  Take  that  key.  I'm 
going  after  those  bank  robbers  and  I  don't  want 
anything  else  on  my  mind.  Dolly,  I  have  a  little 
surprise  for  you. 

Dolly.    What? 

Kamman.  Just  to  show  how  much  I  appreciate 
that  little  tridk  you  turned  the  other  night,  I've 
made  you  a  deputy  sheriff. 

(Dolly  springs  at  his  neck,  clasps  her  arms  about 
it  and  hugs  him.) 

(Kamman  kisses  her  many  times.  Horses'  hoofs 
are  heard  off  r.  They  approach  rapidly. 
Wrenn  hastens  to  r.  2  window.) 

Kamman.    Is  it  Monk? 

Wrenn.    Yes,  and  a  bunch  of  the  boys. 

Kamman.  (To  Dolly,  surprised,  pleased)  Did 
you  tell  them  to  come  down? 

Dolly.    Yes. 

Wrenn.  (As  Kamman  kisses  Dolly  again) 
She's  learning  fast,  Buck. 

Kamman.  (Proudly)  She  doesn't  have  to 
learn;  she  knows  already. 


72  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

(Dolly  kisses  him  and  he  goes  to  r.  d.  quickly.) 

Kamman.  (At  R.  D.)  Now  whatever  you  do, 
don't  let  anybody  in;  and  for  heaven's  sake,  don't 
let  anybody  out.  Good-bye.  (Exiting,  off  r.  as 
Dolly  follozved  by  Wrenn  hastens  to  r.  4)  Hello, 
boys !     Something  doing ! 

Cowboys.     (Off  right)     Whoop-ee! 

(The  sound  of  many  hoofs  riding  away.  Dolly 
waves  her  handkerchief  at  the  departing  horse- 
men. Wrenn  waves  his  blue  bandana.  They 
wave  until  the  sound  of  hoofs  dies  away.) 

Wrenn.  (As  they  go  down  towards  desk) 
Dolly,  have  you  any  idea  how  MacGinniss  got  out 
of  his  cell? 

Dolly.  (Mysteriously)  I  shouldn't  be  a  bit 
surprised.     (Beckons  him  to  her) 

Wrenn.     (In  bated  breath)     How? 

Dolly.    He  walked  out. 

Wrenn.     (Furious)     This  is  no  joking  matter! 

Dolly.  (Tidying  the  desk)  Do  you  think  a 
deputy  sheriff  would  joke  with  a  jailer? 

Wrenn.  (At  r.  end  of  desk)  Now  don't  get 
fresh,  Dolly. 

Dolly.  (Face  to  face  with  him,  hands  clenched) 
You  may  be  several  pounds  heavier  than  I  am, 
Wrenn  Wrigley,  but  remember,  in  the  absence  of 
my  father,  I  am  sheriff. 

Wrenn.  If  you  were  a  kid  of  mine,  Dolly  Kam- 
man, I  would  spank  you  good. 

Dolly.  (Shaking  her  forefinger  at  him)  I  will 
give  you  just  one  minute  to  apologize.  (Marked 
pause) 

Wrenn.  (Fusses,  then  extending  his  hand  and 
smiling  broadly)  I  apologize.  Ice  cream  or  sodie 
water  ? 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  jt, 

Dolly.  {As  they  shake  hands)  Do  you  really 
think  Mr.  MacGinniss  is  a  bad  man? 

Wrenn.    I  know  it. 

Dolly.    How  do  you  know  it? 

Wrenn.  Your  father  heard  from  the  New 
York  officers.  {Looking  about  desk  for  telegrams) 
Got  two  telegrams. 

Dolly.    What  did  they  say? 

Wrenn.  {Looking  in  waste-basket)  The  first 
ene  said  "He's  the  hoss,  hold  him.  (Wrenn 
examines  the  contents  of  basket)  The  other  said, 
"  Give  him  a  good  bed,  and  feed  him  lots  of  oats, 
and  give  him  lots  of  currying." 

Dolly.  {Crosses  r.  to  window)  They  don't 
talk  that  way  in  New  York  City. 

Wrenn.  {Crosses  l.  of  desk)  No,  but  that's 
what  they  meant.  They  called  it  the  luxuries  of 
life.  I  guess  your  father  took  them  telegrams 
with  him. 

Dolly.  There  must  be  some  mistake.  Mr.  Mac- 
Ginniss is  too  much  of  a  gentleman  to  be  a  criminal. 

Wrenn.  {Smiling)  Oh,  shucks!  How  many 
criminals  have  you  know'd? 

Dolly.     {After  short  pause)     Fetch  him  out. 

Wrenn.     {Loudly)     Your  father  said 

Dolly.     Fetch  him  out! 

Wrenn.  {More  quietly)  But  your  father 
said 

Dolly.    Fetch  him  out !    I  want  to  question  him. 

Wrenn.  {Exasperated  but  helpless)  All  right! 
All  right !  But  you  do  it  at  your  own  risk.  Don't 
forget  that.  {He  goes  up  to  rear  d.  Dolly  crosses 
L.  and  sits  at  desk)  Shall  I  take  off  the  ball  and 
chain  ? 

Dolly.     No. 

Wrenn.  {Humbly,  as  a  last  effort  to  dissuade 
her)  Now,  Dolly — (Dolly  points  at  rear  d. 
Wrenn  sees  it  is  useless^  and  loses  his  temper) 


^4  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Let  *em  all  out!     I  don't  care.     Let  'em  all  out! 
(Exit  Wrenn,  closing  door) 

(Slight  pause  during  which  Dolly  sits  at  desk  and 
begins  to  tidy  it.  Enter  Violet  r.  4.  A  tall 
chemical  blonde  wearing  a  heliotrope  skimp 
skirt,  many  rings,  much  rouge  and  a  large 
picture  hat  with  heliotrope  plumes.  She  carries 
a  newspaper  cornucopia  containing  an  immense 
bouquet  of  native  flowers.) 

Violet.    (Chirply,  as  she  closes  the  door)    Hello ! 

Dolly.     (With  official  dignity)    How  do  you  do. 

Violet.  (Smiling  blandly  as  she  approaches 
desk)  I  just  dropped  in  a  few  moments  to  give 
Mr.  Calloway  some  flowers. 

Dolly.    Is  he  a  friend  of  yours? 

Violet.  (Taking  bouquet  from  cornucopia)  An 
old  sweetheart,  Honey.  (Holding  up  bouquet) 
Ain't  them  just  luscious ! 

(The  stem  of  the  bouquet  is  quite  long  and  heavily 
wrapped  with  tinfoil  on  which  is  wound  black 
thread.) 

Dolly.    What  is  your  name? 

Violet.    Violet. 

Dolly.    Violet  what  ? 

Violet.  You're  getting  inquisitive,  Honey. 
(She  starts  up) 

Dolly.  (Following  her)  I  will  take  them  to 
him. 

Violet.  (Smirking  at  her  over  her  shoulder) 
You  needn't  mind. 

Dolly.  (Emphatically)  I  said  I  would  take 
them  to  him. 

Violet.  (Pleasantly,  without  looking  around) 
I  heard  you.  Honey. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  75 

Dolly.  (Taking  hold  of  her  arm)  I  mean  it, 
toa 

Violet.  {Facing  her  and  sizing  her  up,  with 
arched  eyebrows)     Just  who  do  you  think  you  are? 

Dolly.    The  deputy  sheriff  of  this  county. 

Violet.  You  ?  {She  bursts  out  laughing.  Dolly 
clenches  hands.  Volet  chucks  Dolly  under  the 
chin  with  bouquet)  Say,  I  like  you!  Where's 
Wrenn  ? 

Dolly.  Never  mind  Wrenn.  If  those  flowers 
are  for  Simp  Calloway,  give  them  to  me. 

Violet.     The  nerve ! 

Dolly.     Then  leave  this  office. 

Violet.    Why,  you  impudent  little  devil ! 

Dolly.     You  heard  me,  didn't  you? 

Violet.  Yes,  and  if  you  give  me  another  word 
of  )rour  sass — {She  draws  back  her  hand.  Dolly 
begins  to  roll  up  her  sleeves)  Going  to  throw  me 
out,  eh?  {She  laughs  heartily.  Dolly  crosses  to 
door  R.  Enter  Wrenn  rear  d.  c.)  Hello,  Wrenn. 
(She  extends  her  hand  familiarly  and  stops  laugh- 
ing) 

Wrenn.  (Perplexedly  surprised)  I  thought  you 
went  to  California. 

Violet.  (Hand  still  extended)  I  did,  but — ■ 
(Enter  MacFarland.  In  his  left  hand  an  iron  ball, 
the  chain  of  which  is  fastened  to  an  iron  band  about 
his  ankle;  in  his  right  hand  the  cigar,  still  lighted. 
Violet  recognises  MacFarland,  surprised  but  glad 
to  see  him)  Well,  look  who's  here?  (Going  to 
him,  hand  still  extended)     Why,  how  do  you  do? 

(Dolly  crosses  back  to  l.  of  desk.) 

MacFarland.  (Calmly  smoking)  Nicely,  thank 
you,  but  have  I  ever  seen  you  before? 

Violet.     (Smiling)     Of  course  you  have. 

MacFarland.  (Casually  surveying  her)  I  don't 
recall  you. 


76  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Violet.  {With  affected  coyness)  Probably  not. 
(Nipping  a  rose  petal  with  her  lips)  The  last  time 
you  saw  me  I  was  in  a  bathing  suit. 

Dolly.     (Shrezvdly)     Where? 

Violet.    None  of  your  business. 

MacFarland,    Where  ? 

Violet.     (Pleasantly)     Long  Beach,  California. 

Dolly.  (Quickly  to  MacFarland)  Were  you 
ever  there  ? 

MacFarland.  Once — ^but  I  am  sure  I  didn't  see 
this  lady. 

Violet.  (Smiling  coquettishly)  Oh  yes  you 
did. 

MacFarland.     (Mimicking)     Oh  no  I  didn't. 

Violet.  Last  New  Year's  day.  (MacFarland 
shakes  his  head)    You  saved  my  life. 

Dolly.    Did  you? 

MacFarland.  (To  Dolly)  The  woman  I 
saved  was  a  brunette. 

Violet.  (Flecking  a  flower,  with  girlish  modesty) 
Last  winter,  I  was  a  brunette. 

(Wrenn  up  l.  snickers.     Dolly  glances  at  him. 
He  instantly  becomes  dignified.) 

Dolly.  (To  MacFarland)  What  were  you 
doing  at  Long  Beach? 

MacFarland.  (Flecking  his  cigar  gravely) 
Watching  the  waves  come  in. 

(Violet  snickers,   then   bursts  out  laughing  and 
slaps  MacFarland  on  the  back.) 

Violet.  (Joshing  him,  broadly)  Watching  the 
waves  come  in ! 

Dolly.  (To  Wrenn,  disgusted)  Take  him 
back,  (Wrenn  takes  hold  of  MacFarland's  arm. 
Dolly  starts  down  c.) 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  77 

MacFarland.     Miss  Kamman.     (Dolly  glances 
over  her  shoulder)     Did  you  wish  to  speak  to  me? 
Dolly.    I  did  but  I  don't  now. 
MacFarland.    Why  not? 
Dolly.     {To  Wrenn)     Take  him  back! 

(Wrenn  tugs  at  MacFarland's  arm.) 

MacFarland.     {To  Dolly)     But  you  said 

Wrenn.  Come  on!  {He  pulls  MacFarland 
rear) 

Violet.  {Blandly)  Wait  a  minute,  Wrenn. 
(Wrenn  stops.  Violet  goes  to  MacFarland) 
I  want  to  give  you  these  flowers  as  a  hero  medal. 
{She  hands  him  the  bouquet) 

MacFarland.    Thank  you,  Miss  Carnegie. 

Violet.  Don't  mention  it.  {She  starts  toward 
R.  4) 

Dolly.  {To  Wrenn,  who  is  exiting  with  Mac- 
Farland) Stop!  (To  Violet)  Wait!  I  thought 
you  said  those  flowers  were  for  Simp  Calloway. 

Violet.    What  of  it? 

Dolly.  Is  this  man  another  old  sweetheart  of 
yours?     (Violet  laughs)     Is  he? 

Violet.     He  saved  my  life.  Honey — ^that's  all. 

Dolly.     {Suspiciously)     Is  that  all? 

Violet.  That's  what  I  said,  didn't  I?  {She 
continues  her  way  to  r.  4) 

MacFarland.  Just  a  moment.  Miss  Carnegie. 
{Quietly  to  Wrenn)     Does  she  know  Simp? 

Wrenn.    {Confidentially)    Pals  for  twenty  years. 

MacFarland.    {To  Wrenn)    Watch  me. 

Wrenn.     Sure.     That's  what  I'm  paid  for. 

MacFarland.  {To  Violet)  I  want  you  to  tell 
me  the  names  of  these  flowers,  please.  {He  goes 
towards  desk  and  puts  ball  in  waste  basket) 

Violet.     {Going  to  desk)     Sure — if  I  can. 

Dolly.  {Going  to  Wrenn,  who  is  at  rear  d.  c.) 
I  thought  I  told  you  to  take  him  back ! 


78  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

(Wrenn  presses  his  forefinger  to  his  lips  and  with 
a  gesture  tells  her  to  let  MacFarland  alone. 
Together  they  watch  the  couple  from  rear  l.) 

MacFarland.  {Laying  bouquet  on  desk;  to 
Violet  now  at  r.  end)  I  have  studied  botany  but 
some  of  these  Colorado  flowers  baffle  me  com- 
pletely. 

Violet.     {Sympathetically)     That's  too  bad. 

MacFarland.     They  are  pretty  but  puzzling. 

Violet.  {Petting  the  bouquet)  Oh,  you  puzzling 
posies ! 

MacFarland.  {To  Wrenn)  Lend  me  your 
knife. 

Wrenn.     {Giving  knife  to  him)     Sure. 

Violet.  {As  he  takes  knife)  What  are  you 
r^oing  to  do? 

MacFarland.  Vivisect  the  flowers.  {He  opens 
knife  and  cuts  the  thread  about  the  bouquet) 

Violet.  {As  MacFarland  cuts  the  thread) 
The  flowers  ain't  down  there. 

MacFarland.  {Returning  knife  to  Wrenn)  I 
know,  but  once,  when  I  was  wintering  in  Italy — 
{He  has  been  unwrapping  the  foil.  Suddenly  he 
pulls  the  bouquet  in  twain,  shredding  it  with  his 
fingers.  A  large  skeleton  key  and  a  small  three- 
cornered  file  fall  to  the  desk.  Violet  snatches  them. 
MacFarland  seizes  her  by  the  wrist  and  Wrenn 
runs  to  R.  D.) 

Dolly.     {Completely  surprised)     Oh! 

MacFarland.  {Tightening  his  grip  on  her 
wrist)  Just  a  moment,  if  you  please.  {Uttering 
cry  of  pain,  Violet  drops  the  key  and  file.  Mac- 
Farland hands  them  to  Dolly)  Permit  me — a 
skeleton  key — and  a  file.  {To  Violet)  Did  you 
know  they  were  there  ? 

Violet.     No. 

Dolly.    You  are  lying.     {To  Wrenn)     Put  her 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  79 

in  cell  Number  3,  and  don't  take  your  eyes  off  her 
until  I  come. 

Wrenn.  (After  taking  her  by  wrist)  Shall  I 
search  her  ? 

Dolly.  No,  a  woman  can't  hide  anything  in  that 
kind  of  a  dress. 

Violet.  (Scathingly  to  MacFarland,  who  is 
dssorting  the  flowers)  I  thought  I  was  dealing  with 
a  man. 

Dolly.    You  were. 

Violet.    A  Y.  M.  C.  A.  boy,  not  a  man. 

MacFarland.     (Perfunctorily)     Thank  you. 

Violet.  (Enraged,  jumps  at  MacFarland) 
You 

Wrenn.    None  of  that  now !    (He  urges  her  up) 

Violet.  (To  Wrenn)  I'll  take  my  time  to  it. 
(To  MacFarland.  as  Wrenn  pulls  her  toward 
rear  d.)  Y.  M.  C.  A!  Mama's  little  baby  boy! 
Y.  M.  C.  A. 

Wrenn.  (Tugging  at  her  to  pull  her  thru  door- 
way)    I  Must  C.  U.     (I  must  see  you.) 

Violet.  (To  Wrenn)  Stop  jerking  me !  (She 
hits  him  on  jaw  and  they  exit  rowing.  Dolly 
closes  door) 

MacFarland.  (To  Dolly)  Gee,  I  hatfed  to  do 
that,  but  our  little  jail  must  be  protected. 

Dolly.  (Coming  down)  Mr.  MacGinniss,  you 
are  the  queerest  criminal  I  ever  knew. 

MacFarland.  (Tying  flowers  which  he  has  been 
putting  together)  Thank  you — and  permit  me  to 
observe  that  you  are  the  queerest  officer  I  ever 
knew.    (r.  end  of  desk) 

Dolly.  (Shrezvdly,  at  up  side  of  desk)  How 
many  officers  have  you  known  ? 

MacFarland.  Enough  to  convince  me  that  a 
clever  man  can  dodge  all  of  them — unless  he  meets 
one  like  you. 

Dolly.    Explain  yourself. 


8o  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

MacFarland.  (Wrapping  foil  about  bouquet) 
I  beg  to  be  excused. 

Dolly.  As  an  officer  of  the  law,  I  demand  an 
explanation. 

MacFarland.  As  your  humble  prisoner,  I  insist 
upon  profound  silence. 

Dolly.    Why? 

MacFarland.  (Offering  her  bouquet)  Will 
you  accept  this  little  bouquet  with  my  compliments  ? 

Dolly.  (Ignoring  it)  I  can't  understand  you  at 
all,  Mr.  MacGinniss. 

MacFarland.     (Picking  up  iron  ball)    No. 

Dolly.  No.  You  are  brave  and  polite  and  in- 
telligent, and  yet  you  forged. 

MacFarland.  (Smiling)  A  regular  jig-saw 
puzzle.  (With  the  iron  ball  in  one  hand  and  bouquet 
in  other  he  starts  up) 

Dolly.    Where  are  you  going? 

MacFarland.  To  enjoy  the  floral  solitude  of 
cell  No.  2. 

Dolly.  (Indicating  couch.  Commandingly) 
Sit  down. 

MacFarland.  Yes,  ma'am.  (He  crosses  to  couch 
and  sits) 

Dolly.  (As  she  takes  gun  holster  from  cabinet) 
Just  who  are  you,  Mr.  MacGinniss?  (During  the 
following,  Dolly  straps  holster  around  her  waist 
and  going  dozvn  to  desk,  leans  against  r.  side  of  it 
while  cross-examining  MacFarland) 

MacFarland.    (Simply)    MacGinniss. 

Dolly.    Yes,  but  who  are  you? 

MacFarland.  (Caressing  ball  and  chain)  Do  I 
look  like  Washington  crossing  the  Delaware? 

Dolly.    Really,  now 

MacFarland.  (Proudly)  I  am  a  bird  of  pas- 
sage flitting  hither  and  thither  o'er  the  broad  green 
expanse  of  America,  and  I — (He  has  risen  in  his 
enthusiasm) 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  8i 

Dolly.     Sit  down. 

MacFarland.  Yes,  ma'am.  {He  sits,  placing 
iron  ball  on  the  floor) 

Dolly.  (Very  gravely)  You  are  a  forger,  Mr. 
MacGinniss  ? 

MacFarland.  I  beg  your  pardon — I  forged  but 
I  am  not  a  forger.     (He  has  risen) 

Dolly.      Sit  down. 

MacFarland.     (Obeying)    Yes,  ma'am. 

Dolly.  (Crossing  to  c.)  You  are  a  forger  but 
you  are  something  more. 

MacFarland.    Now  what  ha\»e  you  discovered? 

Dolly.  I  have  discovered  that  you  are  a  man. 
(MacFarland  rises  and  bows  politely)     Sit  down. 

MacFarland.    But 

Dolly.    Sit  down 

MacFarland.  (Humbly)  Yes,  ma*am.  (He 
sits) 

Dolly.  I  suspected  you  were  a  man  the  moment 
I  saw  you. 

MacFarland.  Ah,  Lady  Clifford.  You  make 
me  blush.     (Hides  face  behind  bouquet) 

Dolly.  If  you  had  not  said  what  you  did,  I 
should  never  have  suspected  you  of  being  anything 
else. 

MacFarland.  (Rising  anxiously)  Am  I  any- 
thing else  ? 

Dolly.  If  only  you  had  not  said  "  Believe  me, 
Xantippe  ". 

MacFarland.  (Disgusted  zvith  himself)  I'll 
never  say  it  again — Believe  me,  X — (Checks  him- 
self, then  starts  tozvards  her  penitently)  Is  that 
profanity  out  here? 

Dolly.  No,  but  it  told  me  who  you  were,  and 
what  you  were. 

MacP'arland.  Miss  Kamman — (Unable  to  drag 
the  ball,  MacFarland  returns  to  it,  picks  it  up  and 
carrying  it,  goes  to  the  desk^  thoughtfully.      Dolly 


^2  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

is  gazing  sadly  front)  Miss  Kamman,  I  am  not 
what  you  think  I  am. 

Dolly.    Then  why  did  you  forge  that  check? 

MacFarland.    I  didn't  really  forge  it. 

Dolly.    You  just  said  so. 

MacFarland.  (Puts  iron  ball  on  table)  There 
is  a  little — a  little  mystery  connected  with  this  affair. 
Miss  Kamman. 

Dolly.  (Watching  him  cl&sely)  There  is  a  big 
mystery. 

MacFarland.  (Humoring  her)  Very  well — z. 
big  mystery. 

Dolly.     Can't  you  clear  it  up? 

MacFarland.  (Lower  i».  facing  her)  It  will 
clear  itself  up. 

Dolly.    When  ? 

MacFarland.  As  soon  as  I  hear  from  those 
telegrams  you  sent  to  New  York  last  night. 

Dolly.    To  Arthur  Sole  and  Thornton  Brown? 

MacFarland.  (Crossing  to  her)  Yes.  They 
are  my  friends  and  will  explain  everything — every- 
thing. 

Dolly.  (Slowly,  joyfully  apprehensive)  Do 
you  mean  to  tell  me  that 

MacFarland.  I  don't  mean  to  tell  you  anything. 
(They  are  now  face  to  face) 

Dolly.    You  just  said 

MacFarland.  In  time  the  truth  will  all  come 
)Ut.    I  am  an  innocent  man. 

Dolly.    Then  prove  it. 

MacFarland.    I  can't. 

Dolly.    You  just  said  you  could. 

MacFarland.    And  I  can,  too. 

Dolly.    Then  do  it. 

MacFarland.  I  can't.  I  must  not.  I  am  honor- 
bound  not  to  say  a  word  until — (Dolly  gazes  at 
him  with  mingled  mystery  and  contempt)  You 
think  I'm  lying,  don't  you? 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  83 

Dolly.  Can  you  blame  me?  You  tell  me  you 
are  innocent.  I  ask  you  to  prove  it.  You  say  you 
can't.  Then  you  say  you  can.  Then  you  say  you 
can't.  Mr.  MacGinniss,  I  want  to  believe  that  you 
are  innocent,  but — {She  pauses  a  moment,  then 
shakes  her  head) 

MacFarland.  {Resting  hall  on  l.  end  of  desk) 
Miss  Dolly,  when  the  proper  time  comes.  Brown  and 
Sole  will  explain  everything — I  promise  you  they 
will — {She  looks  at  him  with  quiet  emotion)  Miss 
Kamman,  after  I  have  proved  to  you  that  I  am  not 
a  criminal — after  I  have  proved  beyond  all  doubt 
that  I  am  an  innocent,  honest,  honorable,  hard- 
working citizen — {He  lays  his  hand  gently  upon 
hers) 

Dolly.  {With  quiet  firmness)  Until  you  have 
proved  that,  remember  you  are  a  prisoner  of  the 
law  and  I  the  deputy  sheriff  of  this  county.  {She 
takes  his  hand  off  hers  and  puts  it  on  desk) 

MacFarland.    Yes,  ma'am. 

{They  gaze  into  each  other's  faces  several  moments, 
gravely. ) 

Dolly.  {Hopefully)  Are  you  sure  your  friends 
can  explain  everything? 

MacFarland.    Everything. 

Dolly.    Can  they  explain — ^Violet? 

MacFarland.    Violet  who? 

Dolly.    Violet  Bathing  Suit. 

MacFarland.    Oh,  I  can  explain  that  myself. 

Dolly.    Then  do  it. 

MacFarland.  I  spent  the  holidays  on  the  Pacific 
Coast.  New  Year's  afternoon  I  was  at  Long 
Beach.  Many  were  bathing.  I  wasn't.  Violet  ven- 
tured out  too  far,  the  undertow  caught  her  and 
carried  her  to  sea.  I  heard  her  scream,  jumped  in, 
swam  to  her  assistance — And  there  you  are. 

Dolly.    It  is  strange  you  did  not  remember  her. 


84  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

MacFarland.     Well — you  see 

Dolly.     Go  on. 

MacFarland.    I  did  not  take  a  good  look  at  her. 

Dolly.    Why? 

MacFarland.     Didn't  have  time. 

Dolly.    Why  not  ? 

MacFarland.     Well,  you  see — (Pauses) 

Dolly.    Yes,  go  on, 

MacFarland.  I  am  going  on.  Well,  you  see  as 
I  was  carrying  her  out  of  the  water,  I  saw  a  police- 
man. 

Dolly.     And ? 

MacFarland.  I  was  in  a  hurry  so  I  dropped  her 
and  departed  immediately. 

Dolly.     Then  you  are  a  fugitive  from  justice! 

MacFarland.  (Starts  up  c.)  I  am  a  bird  of 
passage — a  wazza  zu  passage. 

Dolly.     (Firmly)      Sit  down. 

MacFarland.    Same  place? 

Dolly.  Yes.  (He  thrusts  bouquet  into  his 
pocket  and,  carrying  ball  in  right  hand,  starts  to- 
wards couch.  Dolly,  supreme  master  of  the  situa- 
tion, stands  watching  him,  her  arms  folded. 
Shrewdly)  If  you  are  not  really  a  criminal,  how  do 
you  happen  to  know  so  many  tricks  of  the  trade? 

MacFarland.  (Halting)  I  used  to  read  the 
New  York  papers. 

Dolly.     (Shrewdly)     Is  that  all? 

MacFarland.  I  also  went  to  every  crook  play 
that  came  to  town. 

Dolly.    What  else  did  you  do? 

MacFarland.    That's  all  I  had  time  to  do. 

(The  telephone  rings.) 

Dolly.     (In  telephone)    Hello — ^Yes — (To  Mac- 
Farland now  at  couch)    A  telegram. 
MacFarland.    For  me  ? 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  85 

Dolly,    Yes. 

MacFarland.  (Smiling)  Good !  It's  from  Sole 
and  Brown,  telling  me  they've  fixed  it  up  with  the 
proper  authorities  to  keep  me  out  of  Sing  Sing. 

Dolly.  (In  telephone,  as  MacFarland  sits  on 
couch)  Very  well.  Read  it  and  I  will  take  it  down. 
(Seating  herself  in  desk  chair,  she  takes  pencil  and 
paper  from  drazver  and  places  them  conveniently  on 
desk.    Menwhile — ) 

MacFarland.  (Enthusiastically,  as  he  pets  the 
iron  ball)  It's  only  a  question  of  time  now  when 
you  will  know  the  truth  about  everything.  It  is 
certainly  bully  to  have  friends  who  are  always  on 
the  job!  What  is  your  favorite  kind  of  ring — one 
lone  diamond  all  by  himself  or  one  completely  sur- 
rounded by  a  flock  of  pearls? 

Dolly.  (In  telephone)  All  right.  Read  it — 
(As  she  writes  the  message — )  Yes — Yes — ^Yes — Is 
that  all? — Now  see  if  I  have  it  right.  (Reading 
message  into  'phone)  "  George  MacGinniss,  County 
Jail,  Delta,  Colorado." 

MacFarland.  (Smiling,  as  he  places  ball  on 
floor)    Yes,  that's  my  hotel,  . 

Dolly.  (Reading  into  'phone — slowly)  "  Thorn- 
ton Brown  lost  at  sea." 

MacFarland.  (Bewildered)  There  must  be 
some  mistake.     Read  it  to  the  operator  again. 

Dolly.  (In  'phone)  To  make  sure  there  is  no 
mistake,  I  will  read  it  to  you  again.  (Reading) 
"Thornton  Brown  lost  at  sea.  Signed,  A  friend." 
(MacFarland  makes  wry  face  and  swallows  as  if 
he  were  swallowing  a  pumpkin.  Dolly  in  'phone) 
Word  for  word? — All  right.  Good-bye.  (To  Mac- 
Farland, as  she  hands  up  receiver)  There  is  no 
mistake. 

MacFarland.  (Stunned  and  disappointed)  I 
never  thought  that  of  Thornt !  But  thank  God  Sole 
is  still  alive. 


86  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

(The  telephone  rings.) 

Dolly.  (In  'phone)  Hello— (To  MacFar- 
land)     Another  telegram. 

MacFarland.     (Surprised)     For  me? 

Dolly,  Yes.  (Writing  as  she  speaks)  "Arthur 
Sole  lost  at  sea.      (Sing  song,  Rhymed  couplet) 

"  He  tried  to  save  his  dear  friend  Brown, 
Almost  succeeded,  then  both  went  down." 

MacFarland.  (Ghost-like)  Sing  Sing!  (Com- 
pletely unnerved,  he  rolls  limply  but  comically  off 
the  couch  as  the  curtain  falls) 

(Curtain  rises  immediately  discovering  MacFar- 
land stretched  out  on  floor,  the  flowers  upon 
his  breast.  He  is  all  in,  down  and  out,  but 
funny.) 

Curtrnn 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  87 


ACT  IV 

Scene:  The  same  as  Act  III.  Early  morning  a 
week  later. 

The  room  is  discovered  in  darkness.  Pres- 
ently the  dull  gray  light  of  dawn  drifts  in  thru 
the  windows.  A  rooster  crows  immediately  off 
R.  A  moment  later,  a  second  rooster  crows 
somewhat  farther  off.  A  few  moments  later,  a 
third  rooster  crows,  barely  audible.  Rooster  No. 
I  then  crows.  Number  2  answers  him.  No.  3 
answers  No.  2.  The  room,  meanwhile,  has  been 
grozving  brighter. 

The  new  desk  and  chair  are  revealed  standing 
against  the  wall  between  R.  2  and  r.  3.  The 
desk  is  a  small  roll-top  affair  with  the  top 
down.  There  is  a  small  gold  framed  landscape 
picture  above  the  desk  and  a  pretty  wicker 
waste  basket  on  its  down  side.  A  wolf  rug 
is  in  front  of  it.  The  couch  is  now  against  the 
wall  between  l.  2  and  l.  4.  A  large  bear  skin 
rug  is  in  front  of  it. 

The  room  is  perceptibly  more  tidy  than  in 
Act  II.  The  maps  hang  square  with  the  world. 
The  books  on  the  safe  are  orderly  arranged 
on  a  scalloped  edged  cloth.  The  c.  desk  has 
a  new  white  blotting  pad  and  a  vase  of  flowers 
but  no  litter.  And  the  spittoon  has  been  re- 
placed by  a  small  stand  upon  which,  in  an 
Indian  flower  pot,  sits  a  fern.  There  is  a  bob- 
cat rug  in  front  of  the  c.  desk.  A  Navajo  rug 
in  front  of  the  cabinet.  Two  red  Navajo  rugs 
R.  and  L.  center.  The  windows  are  draped  with 
short  lace  curtains  tied  back  with  pink  ribbons, 

Dolly  Kamman  is  discovered  asleep  on  the 


88  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

couch.  A  large  white  pillow  is  beneath  her 
head  and  a  pretty  purple  and  white  Navajo 
blanket  covers  her.  In  front  of  the  couch  is  a 
pair  of  high  top  tan  shoes.  At  the  foot  of  the 
couch,  a  pair  of  pretty  moccasins,  heavily 
beaded.  Dolly's  identity  is  not  revealed  until 
she  rises  to  a  sitting  posture. 

Above  the  couch,  and  leaning  against  the 
wall,  is  a  green  portable  screen. 

The  clatter  of  hoofs,  approaching  at  a  steady 
trot,  is  heard  off  r.  A  dog  barks,  a  shot  rings 
out.    The  dog  yelps.    Dolly  sits  up. 

Two  more  shots  in  rapid  succession.  Dolly 
springs  out  of  bed.  She  is  dressed  in  a  pretty 
Japanese  kimono  and  slippers.  She  hastens  to 
R.  2  and  peers  out.  The  hoof  clattering  is  now 
very  near. 

Dolly.  Oh!  {She  haptens  to  couch,  puts  on 
moccasins  and  runs  to  r.  4.  The  clattering  of  hoofs 
meanwhile  has  ceased.  Arrived  at  r.  4  Dolly  un- 
locks it  and  swings  it  open)  Father!  (Enter 
Kamman,  haggard  and  dirty,  a  week's  growth  of 
beard  and  his  new  pearl  gray  Stetson  battered  and 
torn — a  limp  felt  thing.  One  coat  sleeve  is  ripped 
from  wrist  to  shoulder.    Dolly  hugs  hvtn  fervently) 

Kamman.  {Holding  her  from  him  after  having 
kissed  her  ardently)  What  the  thunder  are  you 
doing  here? 

Dolly,  {Smiling)  A  deputy  sheriff  is  a  deputy 
sheriff,  pa.  {Closing  door)  Were  you  doing  that 
shooting  ? 

Kamman.  {Crossing  to  cabinet)  Yes.  I  scared 
Shorty  William's  dog. 

Dolly.     {Pained)     What  for? 

Kamman.     {Opening  cabinet  door)    If  it  hadn't 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  89 

been  for  him  we'd  got  those  bank  robbers  clean 
handed. 

Dolly.     How  is  that? 

Kamman.  (Taking  Colts  from  holster  and  ex- 
tracting empty  shells  at  desk  l.)  Shorty  joined  us 
the  second  day  out.  The  dog  tagged  him.  We 
found  the  gang's  trail  about  three  hours  after  Shorty 
found  us ;  tracked  it  four  days ;  surrounded  the  men 
up  at  your  hunting  cabin,  and  were  just  crawling 
in  on  them^they  didn't  know  we  were  around — 
when  that  blasted  dog  barked  at  a  bob-cat.  Out 
they  rushed  and — {Hanging  holster  belt  in  cabinet) 
Where's  Wrenn? 

Dolly.     (Deeply  concerned)    Did  you  lose  them ? 

Kamman.  (Coming  down)  No,  but — Where's 
Wrenn  ? 

Dolly.  (At  his  side,  genuinely  concerned)  Did 
they  get  away  ? 

Kamman.  We  had  to  shoot  'em.  (Dolly  shud- 
ders, turns  and  goes  towards  couch)  Where's 
Wrenn  ? 

Dolly.     Asleep.     (Puts  blanket  on  sofa  l.) 

Kamman.  (At  desk  c.  surveying  the  room)  All 
fussed  up,  eh? 

Dolly.  (Folding  Navajo  blanket)  I  had  to  be 
doing  something. 

Kamman.    Any  mail? 

Dolly.  Nothing  important  except  a  telegram 
from  the  New  York  officers. 

Kamman.  Where  is  it?  (He  begins  to  pull  out 
drawers  of  desk) 

Dolly.    In  my  desk. 

Kamman.  (Noticing  new  desk,  going  toward  it, 
smiling)     When  did  it  come? 

Dolly.  (Opening  upper  drawer)  The  day  after 
you  left. 

Kamman.    Have  you  been  here  all  that  time? 


90  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly.  (Handing  him  telegram)  A  deputy 
sheriff  is  a  deputy  sheriff.     (She  goes  to  couch) 

Kamman.  (Telegram  in  hand)  The  officers  left 
Denver  yesterday.  That  means  they  will  get  here 
on  the  noon  train  to-day. 

Dolly.  Unless  they  come  on  the  early  passenger 
by  way  of  Grand  Junction. 

Kamman,  (Crossing  to  desk)  They  won't  do 
that.  (Dolly  spreads  the  screen  at  hedd  of  couch, 
then  turns  to  safe.  Opening  upper  drawer  of 
his  own  desk)  Are  you  sure  MacGinniss  and  Simp 
didn't  know  each  other  before  they  met  in  your 
cabin  that  night  ? 

Dolly.  (Taking  skirt  and  zvaist  from  top  of 
safe)    Why? 

Kamman.  (Taking  cigar  box  from  drawer) 
Simp  and  those  bank  robbers  were  members  of  the 
same  gang  and  it  looks  like  MacGinniss  was  in  it 
too. 

Dolly.  (At  screen  with  clothes)  I  don't  believe 
it. 

Kamman.  (Opening  box)  You  never  can  tell. 
(Looking  into  box)  Where  in  thunder  are  my 
cigars  ? 

Dolly.  (Behind  screen,  looking  over)  Mr. 
MacGinniss  smoked  the  last  one  yesterday. 

Kamman.  That's  a  pretty  note !  (Slamming  the 
drawer  shut)  And  they  were  straight  Havanas, 
too! 

Dolly.  (Out  of  sight,  behind  screen)  That's 
what  Mr.  MacGinniss  said. 

Kamman.    Damn  Mr.  MacGinniss! 

Dolly.  (Same)  Wrenn  said  you  said  to  give 
him  all  the  luxuries  of  Hfe. 

Kamman.    I  didn't  say  to  give  him  my  Havanas. 

Dolly.  (Same)  Mr.  MacGinniss  says  your 
cigars  and  the  Rocky  Mountain  sunrises  are  the 
onlv  luxuries  this  town  affords. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  91 

Kamman.  Haven't  had  a  good  smoke  for  a  week. 
Bought  that  box  brand  new  not  thirty  minutes  be- 
fore I  left  town.  Now  look  at  it.  (Dolly  peeps 
over  screen)  Look  at  it!  {He  hurls  it  into  waste- 
basket) 

Dolly.  (Folding  screen)  Mr.  MacGinniss  was 
afraid  you  might  not  like  it.  {She  is  now  dressed 
as  in  Act  IL  Her  Colts  is  in  holster,  strapped 
about  her  waist) 

Kamman.  {Going  towards  her  as  she  replaces 
screen  at  head  of  couch)  How  would  you  like  it 
if  some  one  had  smoked  your  cigars  ? 

Dolly.  I  wouldn't  mind  it  if  that  someone  re- 
placed my  cigars  the  way  Mr.  MacGinniss  replaced 
yours.  (Going  to  her  desk,  she  opens  second  drawer 
and,  taking  out  a  box  of  cigars,  extends  to  KIamman 
opened) 

Kamman.     (Delighted)     Well,  I'll  be— 

Dolly.     Ah — ah — (Pokes  a  cigar  in  his  mouth) 

Kamman.  (Admiring  cigar,  which  he  holds  in 
hand)  Dolly,  it's  a  shame  to  let  a  man  like  that  go 
to  prison. 

Dolly.  (Laying  her  hand  gently  upon  his  fore- 
arm as  he  unwraps  cigar's  foil)  Isn't  there  some 
way  we  can  keep  him  from  going  to  prison  ? 

Kamman.  The  time  to  have  thought  of  that  was 
up  in  your  cabin. 

Dolly.  Couldn't — couldn't  we  just  let  him — ? 
(She  hesitates) 

Kamman.    What? 

Dolly.     (Going  to  c.  desk)     Nothing. 

Kamman.     What's  happened,  Dolly? 

Dolly.  (Taking  him  gently  by  the  arm)  Go 
home  and  get  your  breakfast. 

Kamman.     You're  coming  with  me. 

Dolly.  (Escorting  him  slowly  towards  R.  4)  I 
will  come  just  as  soon  as  I  straighten  up  the  office. 

Kamman.    I'll  stay  and  help  you. 


92  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly,     {Opening  r,  4)    Wrenn  will  help  me. 

Kamman.    I  will. 

Dolly.  You  have  been  riding  all  night  and  I 
know  it.    Go  home ! 

Kamman.  (In  r.  4)  All  right.  I'll  put  up 
Monk  and  shave,  and  if  you're  not  home  by  that  time 
I'll  come  down  and  get  you. 

Dolly.    All  right. 

Kamman.     (Exiting)     Now  remember. 

Dolly.  Yes.  Good-bye.  (Exit  Kamman  r.  4. 
Dolly  stands  in  the  doorway  watching  him  a  few 
moments.  Presently  the  hoofs  of  his  horse  are  heard 
clicky-te-clicking  at  an  easy  canter  off  r.  She  zvaves 
her  handkerchief  at  him  a  moment,  closes  the  door, 
goes  to  rear  d.  c.  and,  unbolting  it,  opens  it)  Wrenn 
— oh,  Wrenn ! 

Wrenn.     (Sleepily,  off  rear)     Y-e-s! 

Dolly.    Aren't  you  up  yet? 

Wrenn.  (Off)  Yes.  (Dolly  goes  doivn  to 
couch,  picks  up  kimono  and  pillow  and  takes  them 
up  to  safe,  places  them  on  top  of  blanket  and  is  re- 
turning to  c.  desk  as  Wrenn  appears  in  rear  d. 
Enter  Wrenn.  He  wear's  a  lay  down  linen  collar, 
an  orange  colored  tie  and  is  half  asleep.  Yawning) 
What  is  it,  Dolly? 

Dolly.  (Not  looking  at  him)  Fetch  Mr.  Mac- 
Ginniss  out  to  see  the  sunrise. 

Wrenn.    All  right,  Dolly.    (He  yawns) 

Dolly.  Wrenn!  Is  Mr.  MacGinniss  comfort- 
able? 

Wrenn.  He  ought  to  be  with  all  the  new  clothea 
and  fixing  he's  got  from  Denver.  (Starts  up  c. 
Dolly  frowns  worriedly) 

Dolly.  Wrenn,  have  you  ever  overheard  Simp 
or  Mr.  MacGinnis  say  anything  that  led  you  to  be- 
lieve they  knew  each  other  before  they  met  at  my 
cabin. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  93 

Wrenn.  Can't  say  I  have,  Dolly.  But  Violet's 
been  talkin'  a  lot  lately.    Why? 

Dolly.    What  did  she  say? 

Wrenn.  Well,  I  won't  repeat  all  she  said — ^but 
the  jist  of  her  profanity  was  that  she  knows  some- 
thing so  bad  about  MacGinniss  that  it  makes  Simp 
Calloway  look  like  an  angel.    Why? 

Dolly.  Some  people  suspect  Mr.  MacGinniss  of 
being  Simp's  partner. 

Wrenn.  (Wisely)  I've  suspicioned  him  all  the 
time. 

Dolly.    You  never  mentioned  it  before. 

Wrenn.    You  never  asked  me  to. 

Dolly.    Fetch  him  out  to  see  the  sunrise. 

Wrenn.  All  right.  (Exit  Wrenn.  Going  to 
window  r.  2,  Dolly  opens  it  and,  faking  field-glasses 
from  her  desk,  cleans  the  lens  carefully,  thought- 
fully, with  her  handkerchief.  Re-enter  Wrenn  with 
MacFarland.  To  MacFarland)  Come  out  and 
see  the  moonlight. 

(MacFarland  is  very  much  discouraged.) 

Dolly.    Good-morning ! 

MacFarland.  (Coming  down)  Good-morning, 
Sheriff.    (He  salutes  gravely) 

Dolly.  Do  wish  to  see  the  sunrise  ?  (She  hands 
him  the  glasses) 

MacFarland.    Thank  you. 

Dolly.  (As  he  goes  to  window,  sympathetically) 
You  don't  look  very  chipper  this  morning. 

MacFarland.  (Glumly)  I  feel  about  as  chipper 
as  a  piece  of  crepe.  (Arrived  at  window,  Mac- 
Farland adjusts  glasses  to  the  view.  The  sun  is 
rising  above  the  mountains.  Dolly  and  Wrenn 
cross  to  c.  desk  and  watch  him)  Every  time  I  look 
at  those  mountains  I  imagine  I  can  see  the  cold  gray 
walls  of  Sing  Sing. 


94  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly.  (To  Wrenn,  handing  him  box  of 
cigars)     Take  him  a  cigar. 

MacFarland.  (Still  viewing  landscape,  sadly) 
And  to  think  that  is  the  same  old  sun  I  used  to  see 
in  New  York ! 

Wrenn.  (Immediately  behind  him — bluntly) 
Have  a  cigar. 

MacFarland.     (Taking  one)     Thank  you. 

Dolly.  (Going  to  MacFarland  with  box  of 
matches.  To  Wrenn)  Fetch  in  Simp  to  beat  the 
rugs. 

Wrenn.  All  right,  Dolly.  (He  returns  to  c. 
desk  with  cigars) 

MacFarland.  (Tenderly  to  Dolly  as  he  takes 
match  from  box)  YouVe  been  awfully  good  to  me, 
Miss  Dolly.  (Lights  match,  then)  I  wish  I  didn't 
ever  have  to  leave  you.  (As  he  lights  cigar,  Dolly, 
overcome  with  grief,  impulsively  lays  her  head  on 
his  shoulder  and  sobs.  MacFarland  attempts  to 
embrace  her.  Remembering  she  is  an  officer  and 
he  a  prisoner,  she  shoves  him  away  from  her) 

Dolly.  How  dare  you!  (Angrily  to  Wrenn) 
Fetch  in  Violet  to  do  the  dusting. 

Wrenn.    She  ain't  up  yet. 

Dolly.     (Stamping  foot)     Get  her  up. 

Wrenn.  Up  she  is,  Dolly.  Up  she  is.  (Starts 
up) 

Dolly.  And  fetch  a  bucket  of  water,  and  a 
sponge. 

(MacFarland  sits  in  new  desk  chair.) 

Wrenn.  (Pausing,  rear  d.)  What  yer  goin' 
ter  do,  give  someone  a  sponge  bath? 

Dolly.  Mr.  MacGinniss  is  going  to  wash  the 
windows. 

MacFarland.     (Rising)    What? 

Wrenn.  Oh,  house  cleaning,  eh?  (Exit  rear  d., 
laughing) 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  95 

(Dolly  takes  a  ten  foot  dog  chain  with  lock  on  one 
end  and  ring  on  the  other  from  cabinet  and  goes 
to  window.) 

MacFarland.  Are  you  in  earnest  about  the 
windows  ? 

Dolly.  {Fastening  chain  to  iron  window  bar, 
by  slipping  chain  through  ring  at  end  of  it)  I  cer- 
tainly am.  Take  off  your  coat.  (MacFarland 
steps  to  her  desk,  lays  cigar  on  it,  removes  jacket, 
rolls  up  shirt  sleeves  and  trouser  hems.  Dolly, 
meanwhile,  tests  the  wristlet  lock  on  one  end  of 
chain  and  the  lock  on  the  other  end.  Then,  turning 
to  MacFarland,  who  is  rolling  up  sleeves)  Your 
anl<le,  please. 

(MacFarland  extends  his  right  foot  demurely  to 
her.    She  locks  the  wristlet  about  it.) 

MacFarland.  Thank  you.  (As  she  goefs  up  to 
safe,  MacFarland  tests  length  of  chain.  Dolly 
is  hanging  key  in  cabinet  as  Simp  enters) 

(Enter  Simp  rear  d.  c.  He  is  clad  in  overalls  and 
blue  shirt.  Wears  half  pace  leather — and — 
chain  hobbles  about  his  shins.) 

Dolly.  Good-morning,  Simp.  (He  glares  at 
her) 

MacFarland.     Good-morning,  Simpy. 

Dolly.  (Indicating  Navajo  rug  r.  c.)  Pick  up 
that  rug. 

(Simp  goes  sullenly  towards  the  rug.  Enter 
Wrenn,  with  a  pail  of  water,  sponge  and  drying 
cloth.) 

Wrenn.     Here  you  are,  Dolly. 


96  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly.    Take  them  to  Mr.  MacGinniss. 
Simp.    (Contemptuously  to  MacFarland)    Mis- 
ter!   H 

MacFarland.     (To  Simp,  warningly)     Easy! 

(The  two  men  glare  at  each  other.) 

Dolly.  (To  Simp  and  MacFarland)  You're 
not  here  to  growl.  You're  here  to  work.  (She  is 
now  R.  door.  Simp  rolls  up  the  rug.  MacFarland 
prepares  to  wash  window,  Wrenn  having  delivered 
bucket  and  drying  cloth,  sponge  in  bucket) 

MacFarland.  Yes,  Simpson,  we're  here  to  work. 
(Taking  cloth)  What's  this  for  ?  Oh,  yes.  (Tucks 
it  under  his  chin) 

Dolly.     (To  Wrenn)     Fetch  Violet. 

Wrenn.  (At  r.  2)  She's  putting  on  her  Mother 
Hubbard. 

Dolly.  She's  had  enough  time  to  put  on  a  do^en 
Mother  Hubbards.    Fetch  her  out. 

Wrenn.    Out  she  is,  Dolly!     (Exit  Wrenn) 

Dolly,  (l.  of  Simp  observing  him  carefully  as 
he  rolls  up  rug  lazily)  Simp,  it  might  interest  you 
to  know  that  the  bank  robbers  at  Grand  Junction 
have  been  shot. 

(Simp  glances  at  her  quickly.  MacFarland  ceases 
his  ivindow  washing  and  gazes  at  Simp.  Dolly 
glances  first  at  one,  then  at  the  other.  Dramatic 
pause.) 

Simp.  (With  great  anxiety,  hut  trying  to  conceal 
it;  to  Dolly)    Who  says  they're  shot? 

Dolly.     Did  you  know  them? 

Simp.  (Taking  step  toward  her — emphatically 
and  insistently)    Who  told  you  they  were  shot? 

Dolly.  (Calmly)  Did  you  know  them ?  (Simp 
aazes  at  Dolly  several  moments.    A  distant  train 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  97 

whistle  is  heard  faintly  off  rear.    She  is  satisfied  that 
he  knows  them)     You  did  know  them,  didn't  you? 

(Simp  returns  to  his  rug-rolling.  MacFarland 
resumes  washing  window.  Dolly  goes  up 
to  R.  4.  As  she  is  going  up  Simp  makes  his  way 
to  MacFarland.  Arrived  at  the  door,  Dolly 
locks  it  quietly  and  puts  the  key  in  her  waist 
pocket,  keeping  her  eyes  on  Simp  and  Mac- 
Farland all  the  while.) 

Simp.  If  it  hadn't  been  for  you  they  wouldn't 
have  a  got  them  boys.  I'd  been  there  myself  to 
help  'em  out.  If  I  ever  get  out  of  this  jail  there 
won't  be  enough  left  on  you  to  call  the  buzzards. 

MacFarland.     {To  Dolly)     Don't  let  him  out. 

Dolly.  Were  they  friends  of  yours,  Mr.  Mac- 
Ginniss  ? 

MacFarland.    They  were  not. 

Dolly.  Were  they,  Simp  ?  Did  Mr.  MacGinniss 
know  those  bank  robbers  ? 

Simp.    Sure  he  did. 

(MacFarland  lunges  at  him  but  the  chain  is  too 
short.) 

Dolly.    How  do  you  know? 

Simp.  {Sarcastic)  Why,  don't  you  suppose  I 
know  who  he  is? 

Dolly.    Who  is  he? 

Simp.  I'd  hate  ter  tell  you.  {Crosses  to  l.  with 
rug  over  arm) 

MacFarland.     Please  unlock  my  ankle. 

{Enter  Violet,  followed  by  Wrenn,  carrying  the 
iron  ball.  Violet  is  dressed  in  a  denham 
Mother   Hubbard   and   without   her   mc^ssvve 


98  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

blonde  switch.  She  is  now  a  woman  of  little 
hair  and  is  rougeless  and  wan.  She  looks 
twenty  years  older  than  in  Act  III.  The  chain 
is  attached  to  her  right  foot.  Wrenn  places 
hall  on  the  floor  to  the  right  of  her.  She  enters 
unnoticed  by  others  and  does  not  interrupt  the 
action  of  the  scene.) 

Dolly.  {To  Simp)  How  long  have  you  known 
Mr.  MacGinniss? 

Simp,    Years. 

Dolly.    How  many  years? 

Simp.    Lots  of  'em. 

Violet,    (r.  c.)    Yes,  and  so  have  I. 

Dolly.  {To  Violet)  How  long  have  you  known 
him? 

Violet.  Long  enough  to  know  what  a  coyote  he 
is. 

Dolly.  I  thought  you  said  you  met  him  last 
winter  ? 

Violet.    I  was  stuffing  you  when  I  told  you  tfiat. 

Dolly.    You  were? 

Violet.  Sure !  Why,  you  little  hussy,  if  I  was 
to  tell  you  how  long  I've  known  that  turtle  dove, 
an(J  what  I  know  about  him 

MacFarland.     {To  Dolly)     Unlock  my  ankle. 

Dolly.  (To  Violet)  Did  you  know  him  before 
Simp  knew  him? 

Violet.  {Looking  meaningly  at  Simp)  Met 
him  'bout  the  same  time.     Didn't  we,  Simp? 

Simp.     Yeh. 

MacFarland.     Please  unlock  my  ankle. 
'     Dolly.    Where  did  you  meet  him  ? 

Violet.    Cripple  Creek.    Wasn't  it,  Simp? 

Simp.    Yeh. 

MacFarland.    {In  a  rage)    Unlock  my  leg ! 

Violet.  {To  MacFarland)  You  will  try  to 
pose  as  a  goody-goody,  will  you? 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  99 

Dolly,  (Calmly,  to  Simp  and  Violet)  You  are 
a  pair  of  liars. 

Violet.  What?  (She  rushes  at  her,  dragging 
the  iron  ball.  Wrenn  puts  foot  on  chain,  suspend- 
ing Violet  on  one  foot  a  feiv  feet  from  Dolly) 

Dolly.  {To  Violet)  You  are  a  pair  of 
malicious  liars.  {To  Simp)  I  heard  every  word 
you  said  to  Mr.  MacGinniss  up  in  my  cabin  when 
you  thought  I  was  out  for  water.  (Simp  stares  at 
her)  You  never  saw  him  until  that  night.  {To 
Violet)  And  you  never  saw  him  until  the  day  he 
saved  your  life. 

{Dramatic  pause.) 

MacFarland.  Wrenn,  buy  Dolly  a  carload  of 
candy  and  charge  it  to  New  York. 

(Wrenn  smiles.     Crosses  l,  at  hack.    Violet,  in 
extreme  anger,  opens  and  clenches  hands.) 

Dolly.  {To  Simp)  Put  that  down!  (Simp 
drops  ring.  To  Wrenn)  Put  him  on  bean  soup 
for  a  week.    And  her,  too. 

Wrenn.  Bean  soup  it  is,  Dolly.  (Simp  starts 
to  hit  Wrenn)     Now  you  start  something! 

{They  cross  to  c.) 

Simp.  {To  MacFarland)  Hey  there  you 
damn  dude!  When  you  get  through  with  them 
windows,  you  can  black  my  boots. 

(MacFarland  throws  wet  sponge  at  Simp  and  hits 
his  face,  ad  lib  row  as  Wrenn  drags  Simp 
offc.) 

Dolly.     {To  Violet  who  has  been  glaring  at 
her)     Go  to  your  cell. 
Violet.    You  little 


loo  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly.  Go  to  your  cell  or  we'll  carry  you  there 
on  a  stretcher. 

Violet.    Oh,  I'm  not  afraid  of  your  old  stretcher. 

MacFarland.     The  next  time  I'll  let  you  sink. 

Wrenn.  (Enters  c,  taking  Violet  off)  Now 
you  start  something. 

Violet.  (To  Wrenn  and  holding  ball  in  a 
theatening  position)  Oh,  wouldn't  I  like  to  bounce 
this  ball  on  your  bean ! 

(Wrenn    seises    the    ball   and   wrangles    her   off. 
Another  row  as  he  and  Violet  exit  rear  i.) 

MacFarland.  (As  Dolly  comes  down)  Miss 
Kamman,  won't  you  please  take  breakfast  with  me 
this  morning? 

Dolly.     Wash  your  window. 

MacFarland.  It  is  washed.  Nov/  I'm  going  to 
dry  it.     (He  uses  curtains) 

Dolly.    Stop  that! 

MacFarland.     Wrenn!     Oh,  Wrenn! 

Dolly.  (Now  at  desk)  Never  mind  Wrenn. 
Wash  that  window. 

Wrenn.     (In  doorway)    What  do  you  want? 

Dolly.     (To  Wrenn)     Nothing. 

MacFarland.  (To  Wrenn)  I  want  my  break- 
fast.   Come  here.  Sir  Christopher. 

Wrenn.  (Quickly,  taking  order  pad  from  coat 
pocket  as  he  comes  down — importantly)  What  will 
you  have  for  breakfast? 

MacFarland.  Two  large  juicy  steaks — French 
fried  potatoes — a  little  caviar — some  mushrooms — 
four  fried  eggs — two  on  one  side  and  two  on  the 
other — asparagus — a  cup  of  coffee  and  a  dish  of 
strawberries  and  cream. 

Wrenn.  You  can't  think  of  anything  else,  can 
you? 

MacFarland.    Have  you  got  anything  else  ? 

Wrenn.    I  don't  think  we've  got  this. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  loi 

MacFarland.  Then  what  are  you  writing  it 
down  for? 

Wrenn.    I'm  learning  how  to  spell. 

Dolly.  {Dryly  hut  with  umnistakable  emphasis) 
There  has  been  more  than  one  jailer  jailed  for  dis- 
obeying orders. 

(Wrenn  glances  at  her — sees  she  means  business.) 

Wrenn.  (Pocketing  order  book,  starts  up)  All 
right,  Dolly. 

MacFarland.     {Remonstrating)     But 

Dolly.  If  you  say  another  word  I'll  put  you  on 
bean  soup,  too. 

MacFarland.  {Demurely)  Yes,  ma'am.  {He 
resumes  window-drying — uses  the  cloth) 

Dolly.  {To  Wrenn,  indicating  rug  l.  c.)  Take 
that  rug  and  beat  it  until  there  isn't  a  speck  of  dust 
left. 

Wrenn.  {Going  to  l.  c.)  Gee,  I'd  rather  be  a 
prisoner  in  this  jail.  (Wrenn  picks  up  rug  l.  c. 
goes  up  R.  4,  and  exits) 

{'Phone  rings.) 

Dolly.  {At  'phone)  Hello — Yes,  this  is  the 
county  jail — No,  but  this  is  the  deputy — The  sheriff 
will  not  be  down  until  noon.  He  can't  be  disturbed. 
— No,  he  shot  two  men  yesterday  and  is  resting. 
Who  is  this?  {Greatly  surprised)  Oh — Yes,  we 
received  your  telegram  but  the  sheriff  was  expecting 
you  on  the  noon  train — I  see.  By  the  way  of  Grand 
Junction — Certainly,  come  right  on  up.  {Hanging 
up  the  receiver,  Dolly  goes  to  her  desk,  takes  a 
hand  towel  from  drawer,  goes  to  MacFarland. 
Handing  him  towel)  Dry  your  hands.  {She  picks 
up  bucket,  etc.,  and  places  them  under  her  desk) 

MacFarland.  {Glancing  at  window,  then  at  her, 
discouraged)    I  never  could  wash  windows,  anyhow. 

Dolly.    The  window  is  all  right. 


102  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

MacFarland.    Then  what's  the  matter? 

Dolly,    The  New  York  officers  are  coming. 

MacFarland.     {Amazed)     What? 

Dolly.    The  New  York  officers  are  coming, 

MacFarland.     {Excited)     When? 

Dolly.  They  are  on  their  way  up  here  now. 
Give  me  your  ankle. 

MacFarland.  {Obeying  eagerly)  Why  didn't 
you  tell  me  before? 

Dolly.  {Unlocking  wristlet)  We  weren't  ex- 
pecting them  until  noon,  {Rising)  Go  to  your  cell. 
{Crosses  c.) 

MacFarland.    I  shall  do  no  sUth  thing. 

Dolly.  {Facing  him,  stamping  foot)  I  told  you 
to  go  to  your  cell. 

MacFarland,  Yes,  but  I  have  something  to  say 
to  you,     {Crosses  c.) 

Dolly,  I  don't  want  to  hear  it.  {She  is  now  at 
desk) 

MacFarland,  {Rapidly,  earnestly)  I  insist 
I'm  no  criminal,  I  made  a  bet  of  thirty  thousand 
dollars  with  Art  Sole  and  Thornton  Brown  tihat  I 
could  commit  a  crime  and  escape  every  officer  of  the 
law  for  one  year.  I  forged  a  check  on  my  friend 
Brown — and  here  I  am, 

Dolly,  {Amazed)  Are  you  telling  me  the 
truth? 

MacFarland,    Yes. 

Dolly,    Honestly  ? 

MacFarland,  Upon  my  honor.  They  chased 
me  from  Portland,  Me,  to  Puget  Sound;  from 
Newark  to  New  Orleans,  but  they  couldn't  keep  in 
sight  of  me.  And  I  would  have  won  if  it  hadn't 
been  for  you. 

Dolly.    I'm  awfully  sorry  I  caught  you. 

MacFarland.  I'm  not.  I'm  glad.  It's  worth 
thirty  times  thirty  thousand  dollars  just  to  meet  a 
girl  like  you.     {Clenching  hands)     What  I  regret 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  103 

is  that  Sole  and  Brown  didn't  have  sense  enough  to 
stay  away  from  the  Atlantic  Ocean.  They're 
the  ones  that  are  sending  me  to  prison,  not  you. 

Dolly.  (With  quiet  determination)  If  you  are 
not  a  criminal,  you  are  not  going  to  prison. 

MacFarland.  How  can  I  help  it?  The  only 
men  who  know  the  truth  are  gone  and 

Dolly.    You  are  not  going  back  to  New  York. 

MacFarland.    (Dumbfounded)    What? 

Dolly.  (Quickly  and  anxiously)  Can  you  ride 
a  horse  ? 

MacFarland.    If  it  is  old  enough. 

Dolly.  Go  back  to  your  cell.  Hurry.  (Forcing 
him  up  c.) 

MacFarland.  (Backing  slowly  towards  rear 
door)     What  are  you  going  to  do? 

Dolly.    Keep  you  out  of  prison. 

MacFarland.    How  ? 

Dolly.    By  letting  you  escape. 

MacFarland.    You  are  not. 

Dolly.  (Emphatically  indignant)  Whose 
prisoner  are  you,  anyway? 

MacFarland.    Yours,  but 

Dolly.  Go  back  to  your  cell.  (MacFarland 
shakes  head.  Dolly  tries  to  pull  him  up-stage  to- 
wards rear  door.  Exasperated)  Every  second  you 
stand  here  talking  puts  you  that  much  nearer  Sing 
Sing. 

MacFarland.  (Nodding  slowly)  And  before 
I  would  let  you  disgrace  yourself  by  turning  me 
loose,  I  would  walk  all  the  way  to  Sing  Sing  and  put 
on  my  own  ball  and  chain. 

(Re-enter  Wrenn,  r.  4,  with  rug.) 

Wrenn.     (Re-entering)     What's  next,  Dolly? 
Dolly.    Er — er — Get  Mr.  MacGinniss'  breakfast. 
Wrenn.    (Puzzled)    But  I  thought  you  said 


I04  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly.  Never  mind  what  I  said.  Get  his  break- 
fast.    {She  opens  door  R.  4) 

Wrenn.  All  right,  Dolly — ^breakfast  she  is. 
(Looks  for  the  place  to  put  rug  donm.  To  Mac- 
Farland)  Here,  you  hold  it.  (Wrenn  gives 
rug  to  MacFarland.  He  throws  it  on  floor  as 
Wrenn  runs  off  r.) 

MacFarland.  (As  Dolly  closes  door)  What 
are  you  trying  to  do  ? 

Dolly.  (Coming  down)  Keep  him  away  until 
you've  escaped. 

MacFarland.    I  am  not  going  to  escape. 

Dolly.  (Earnestly.  MacFarland  to  l.  of 
desk,  she  at  up  side)  Mr.  MacGinniss,  you 
are  my  friend.  You  proved  it  that  night  up  in  the 
cabin  when  you  had  me  dead  to  rights.  You  proved 
it  when  you  saved  me  from  Simp  Calloway  and 
helped  me  catch  him.  You  proved  it  the  day  you 
brought  me  that  key.  You  are  my  friend,  and  as 
my  friend,  I  would  rather  see  the  sage  brush  grow- 
ing above  you  than  to  have  you  wearing  prison 
stripes.  (Laying  her  hand  gently  on  his  arm)  Now 
I  have  lots  of  friends  over  in  Arizona  who  will  do 
anything  I  ask.    I  want  you  to  go  there. 

MacFarland.  (Musingly)  Just  how  far  is  it  to 
Arizona  ? 

Dolly.    A  seven  days*  ride. 

MacFarland.    Horse  back? 

Dolly,     Yes. 

MacFarland.    Count  me  out. 

Dolly.    But  it  means  your  freedom. 

MacFarland.  (Laying  his  hand  gently  on  her 
forearm)  I  would  rather  be  a  live  convict  in  Sing 
Sing  than  a  dead  free  man  in  Arizona. 

Dolly.  (Cross  l.)  Mr.  MacGinniss,  I  have 
reasoned  with  you,  I  have  pleaded  with  you.  Now 
it  is  gonig  to  be  either  Arizona  or  the  graveyard. 
Which  will  you  take? 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  105 

MacFarland.    Let  me  think  it  over. 

Dolly.     (Drawing  Colts)    Which? 

MacFarland.  (Swallowing  with  difficulty) 
Arizona. 

Dolly.  (Holstering  Colts)  Run  into  the  cell 
room  and  wait  till  I  call  you.  Hurry !  (She  runs 
to  rear  d.  c.  and  opens  it) 

MacFarland.  (At  door  c.)  I  won't  budge  an 
inch  until  you  promise  to  give  me  a  gentle  horse 
with  three  big  pillows  in  the  saddle. 

Dolly.  A  dozen  if  you  want  them.  And  I'll  give 
you  a  letter  of  introduction  along  the  line,  (She 
takes  his  arm  and  starts  up  with  him)     But  hurry! 

MacFarland.  (To  Dolly,  who  stands  beside 
the  open  door)  I  feel  as  tho  something  dreadful 
was  going  to  happen  when  I  get  on  that  horse. 

Dolly.  Nonsense.  (Shoving  him  off,  she  closes 
door  and  bolts  it,  hastens  back  to  desk,  picks 
up  'phone.  In  'phone)  24,  please — Send  a  horse 
down  to  the  jail  right  away — Something  gentle  but 
fast.  That's  it.  A  cross  between  a  Standpatter  and 
a  Progressive — Hurry.  (She  shoves  the  receiver 
on  hook,  grabs  a  pad  of  writing-paper  from  desk 
drazver  and  dipping  pen  in  ink-stand  writes,  rapidly 
but  carefully.  Pause  of  several  moments.  There  is 
knocking  at  r.  4.  Gruffly)  Come  in.  (Enter 
Brown  and  Sole,  r.  4.  Dolly  keeps  on  writing. 
Brown  goes  toward  her.  Sole  inspects  bulletin 
board) 

Brown.  (Affably  to  Dolly  who  does  not  look 
up)  I  beg  your  pardon,  but  is  the  deputy  sheriff 
in? 

Dolly.    Yes. 

Brown.     May  we  see  him? 

Dolly.  Yes.  (Sole  joins  Brown.  They  are  r. 
of  desk.  They  glance  at  their  watches,  then  at  each 
other;  then  at  Dolly.  Returning  watches  to  pocket, 
they  glance  again  at  each  other  then  at  Doll,y, 


io6  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

writing,  again  take  watches  from  pockets  and 
glance  at  them.  Dolly,  writing,  seems  oblivious  of 
their  presence.    Pause) 

Sole.  (Watch  in  hand,  sternly)  When  may  we 
see  him? 

Brown.     (Pleasantly)    Yes,  when? 

Dolly.  (Writing)  You  have  been  looking  at 
him  ever  since  you  entered. 

Brown.     (Amazed)     Are  you? 

Dolly.  I  am.  (Blotting  letter)  I  suppose  you 
are  the  New  York  officials? 

Sole.    We  are. 

Dolly.  (Taking  envelope  from  drawer)  Then 
why  didn't  you  introduce  yourselves?  (The  men 
stroke  their  chins  uncomfortably  as  Dolly  folds 
letter.  Putting  letter  in  envelope)  I  am  a  lady 
even  if  I  am  a  deputy  sheriff.  (She  seals  the  letter 
zvith  a  blow  of  her  fist) 

Sole.     (Stiffly)     We  beg  your  pardon. 

Brown.  We  offer  you  our  humble  apologies. 
(Extending  cigar  case)     Smoke? 

Dolly.  (Taking  cigar  without  looking  at 
Brown)  Thanks.  (She  lays  cigar  on  desk  and 
addresses  envelope.  Brown  makes  long  face.  It 
was  his  last  cigar)  I  suppose  you  would  like  to  see 
Mr.  MacGinniss? 

Sole.  (Somewhat  sharply)  That's  what  we 
came  two  thousand  miles  for. 

Dolly.  (Blotting  envelope)  He's  out  at  the 
Fair  Grounds. 

Brown.    The  Fair  Grounds? 

Dolly.  Yes — out  on  the  race  track.  (She  lays 
cigar  on  envelope) 

Sole.  I  'phoned  up  not  fifteen  minutes  ago  and 
you  said  he  was  here. 

Dolly.  (Replacing  writing  pad)  He  was — ^but 
he  is  taking  his  exercises  now. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  107 

Brown.  (Smiling  broadly)  Just  what  kind  of 
exercise  ? 

Dolly.  Breaking  broncos.  (Brown  laughs 
Dolly  glances  at  him  sharply) 

Sole.     (Quickly)    Where  are  the  Fair  Grounds? 

Dolly.  Two  miles  and  a  half  straight  north. 
You  can  see  them  from  here.     (Points  to  window) 

Sole.  (Looking  from  window)  Is  there  a  taxi- 
cab  in  this  town? 

Dolly.     No. 

(Auto  horn  heard  off  r.) 

Brown.    There's  one  now. 
Dolly.    That's  an  automobile. 
Sole.    (Rushing  to  door  r.)    Stop  it! 

(Sole  and  Brown  rush  to  door  and  off  shouting 
Stop  that  car!    Stop  it!) 

Dolly.  (Running  to  door  c.  and  calling  off) 
All  right.  (MacFarland  enters  wearing  hat  as  in 
Act  I.  A  horse  is  heard  coming)  Did  you  hear 
us? 

MacFarland.    Not  a  word. 

Dolly.  (Going  quickly  to  desk  r.,  gives  Mac- 
Farland letter  she  has  written)  Here's  the  letter 
of  introduction.  And  here's  a  cigar  from  New  York 
City.  (Giving  him  cigar.  MacFarland  puts  letter 
in  pocket.  Kisses  cigar  and  puts  it  in  mouth.  Dolly 
running  to  door  R.)    Goody!    There's  your  horse. 

MacFarland.  (With  a  sickly  smile)  Oh  yes, 
my  horse. 

Dolly.  (Extending  hand)  Good-bye.  (Holds 
her  hand  out  to  him) 

MacFarland.  (As  they  shake  hands)  Miss 
Dolly,  won't  you  step  over  into  Arizona  once  in  9. 
while  for  Sunday  dinner? 


lo8  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly.  (Smiling  as  she  tries  to  get  him  away) 
This  is  no  time  for  dinner  arrangements — Hurry. 

MacFarland.  Dolly,  if  I  get  out  of  this  alive, 
won't  you  take  all  of  your  meals  with  me  sometime  ? 

Dolly.  Yes — ^but  this  is  no  time  for  sentiment 
Hurry!  (She  runs  to  cabinet)  Wait  a  minute — • 
your  spurs. 

MacFarland.     Gee,  have  I  got  to  wear  spurs? 

Dolly.  (Giving  MacFarland  spurs  which  he 
puts  on  wrong)  Now,  listen:  Keep  up  a  steady 
trot  every  day  from  sun-up  to  sun-down  for  a  week. 
But  whatever  you  do,  don't  spur  your  horse  in  the 
flank. 

MacFarland.  Where  are  his  flanks?  I'll  bet 
five  thousand  dollars  I've  drawn  a  bucking  bron- 
cho! 

Dolly.  No  you  haven't,  but  be  careful.  Don't 
spur  too  far  back.  (Opening  door  r.)  Now  re- 
member— ^three  days  West — four  days  South,  and 
you  are  there. 

MacFarland.     Dolly,  I  love  you. 

Dolly.  (Shoving  him  tozvard  door)  I  like  you 
too,  but  this  is  no  time  for — confessions. 

MacFarland.  (Turning  in  doorway)  Dolly,  if 
I  get  out  of  this  alive,  I'll  come  back,  but  it  won't 
be  on  horse-back.  Good-bye,  Dolly,  and  God  bless 
you.  (MacFarland  exits  r.  Dolly  closes  door. 
MacFarland's  voice  is  heard  off.  MacFarland 
off-stage)  Is  this  the  horse?  Nice  horsie.  Nice 
horsie!  I'm  not  going  to  hurt  you.  Nice  horsie! 
(There  is  a  violent  noise  of  horse's  hoofs.  It  clat- 
ters and  then  breaks  into  a  wild  gallop)  Whoa! 
Stop  him !    Stop  him !    Whoa ! 

Dolly.  (Calling  from  door)  Take  your  spurs 
out  of  his  flanks !  (Slams  door  and  rushes  back  to 
desk  and  grabs  telephone)  24.  Gord!  What  kind 
of  a  horse  did  you  send  down  here?  — You  did 
not.     Don't  try  to  explain.     Send  me  my  MoUie 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  109 

mare  the  quickest  you  ever  did  anything  in  your  Hfe. 
I  told  you  I  wanted  a  gentle  horse.  You  did  not, 
(Slams  receiver  on  hook) 

Kamman,    (Entering  r.  3,  laughing)    Ha,  ha,  ha ! 

Dolly.  (Surprised)  I  thought  I  told  you  to 
take  a  nap. 

Kamman.  (Closing  door)  A  cup  of  coffee  and 
a  cold  wash  made  me  a  new  man.  (Crossing  to 
desk  laughing)  Did  you  see  that  tenderfoot  going 
down  the  road  a  minute  ago? 

Dolly.     (Anxiously)    What  about  him? 

Kamman.  Funniest  sight  I  ever  saw.  Horse  on 
a  dead  run — cloud  of  dust — tenderfoot  hanging  on 
to  the  saddle  horn  hollerin'  "  Whoa !  Whoa  ? 
Whoa!" 

Dolly.     (Coming  down)    Did  he  fall  off? 

Kamman.  (Lighting  cigar)  He  was  still  stick- 
ing on  the  last  I  saw  of  him. 

Dolly.    Good. 

Kamman.     (Puzzled)    What? 

Dolly.    I  always  did  feel  sorry  for  a  tenderfoot 

Kamman.  (Starting  towards  door  c.)  Guess 
I'll  take  a  look  at  our  five  thousand  dollar  part- 
ridge, 

Dolly,  (With  forced  calmness)  Who  do  you 
mean? 

Kamman.     MacGinniss.     How  is  he? 

Dolly.    All  right,  the  last  time  I  saw  him. 

KalMMAn.  That's  good.  (He  exits  c.  Dolly 
stands  at  desk,  hands  clenched.  Kamman  re-enters, 
quickly  and  angrily)    Dolly!    Where's  MacGinniss? 

Dolly.  You  should  know  better  than  I.  You 
saw  him  last.     (She  crosses  to  desk  r.) 

Kamman.  (Following  her)  Answer  me! 
Where's  MacGinniss? 

Dolly.  The  last  I  saw  of  him,  he  was  going 
down  the  road  in  a  cloud  of  dust. 

Kamman.    (Dumfounded)    Was  that  him? 


no  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Dolly.    Yes. 

Kamman.     (Raging)     Where's  Wrenn? 

Dolly    Getting  Mr.  MacGinniss'  breakfast. 

Kamman.  So,  that  was  it?  Wrenn  on  an 
errand ;  the  old  man  in  bed ;  and  his  deputy  turning 
the  prize  prisoner  loose!  So  that  was  the  game, 
was  it! 

Dolly.      It  looks  that  way,  doesn't  it? 

Kamman.  {With  awful  calmness)  Well,  well 
soon  knock  that  little  romance  in  the  head.  {He 
reaches  for  the  telehone.  Dolly  snatches  it  from 
him)    Give  me  that  'phone. 

DoLi  y     I'll  do  no  such  thing. 

Kamman.  Dolly — {He  goes  towards  her.  She 
is  at  L.  of  desk  as  far  as  the  'phone  cord  will  permit) 
Give  me  that  'phone  {She  jerks  'phone  from  con- 
nection) Dolly!! 

Dolly.  {Calmly)  Mr.  MacGinniss  is  an  in- 
nocent man.     {Tosses  telephone  in  waste  basket) 

Kamman.  I  am  Sheriff  of  this  County.  {He 
starts  for  door  r.  Dolly  gets  to  it  first,  locks  it 
and  stands  with  her  back  to  door)  Let  me  out! 
Let  me  out !  Unlock  that  door !  I've  got  to  get  that 
man! 

Dolly.  Father,  we  are  going  to  talk  it  over 
calmly  first. 

Kamman.  Dolly  Kamman,  you  unlock  that  door ! 
IVe  got  to  get  that  man ! 

{Tense  pause,  then  sharp  knocking  at  the  door.) 

Dolly,    Who  is  it  ? 

Sole.    {Outside)    The  New  York  officers. 

Kamman.  {Amazed)  What!!!  {Crosses  i..  in 
dismay.  Dolly  unlocks  the  door.  Enter  Sole  and 
Brown  mopping  faces  and  fanning  selves  with  their 
hats) 

Sole.     {Coming  down  angrily  to  Dolly)     Mac- 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  III 

Ginniss  is  not  at  the  Fair  Grounds.  He  never  was 
there.     {Mops  face  with  handkerchief) 

Kamman.  (Now  at  left  center)  Officers,  as 
Sheriff  of  this  County,  it  is  my  painful  duty  to  in- 
form you  that  the  prisoner  has  escaped. 

Brown,     (r.)     What? 

Sole.     (Louder,    r.  c.)     What? 

Kamman.    MacGinniss  is  gone. 

(Tense  pause.  Kamman  ashamed  but  brave,  Sole 
angry.  Brown  amused,  Dolly  resolutely 
calm.) 

Sole.     (To  Dolly)     Say,  you're  behind  this! 

Kamman.  (To  Sole)  If  you  have  anything  to 
say,  say  it  to  me — I'm  Sheriff  of  this  county. 

Sole.     But  your  deputy  let  the  prisoner  escape. 

Kamman.  (Going  to  him)  It  don't  make  any 
difference  what  my  depuj:y  did.  If  you  have  any- 
thing to  say,  say  it  to  me.  Don't  try  to  jump  on  my 
little  girl. 

Sole.  (Now  close  to  and  face  to  face  with  him) 
If  we  were  alone,  Sheriff,  I'd  give  you  the  worst — 

Kamman.  (Angry)  Well,  it  won't  take  very 
darned  long  to  git  alone.  (To  Dolly  kindly) 
Dolly,  you  just  step  down  and  get  the  mail. 

Dolly.  I  will  do  no  such  thing.  (She  crosses 
to  Sole)  I  am  the  cause  of  all  this.  I  turned 
the  prisoner  loose.  I  don't  deny  it.  I'm  proud  of  it. 
He  is  as  innocent  as  a  dove! 

Sole.  (With  supercilious  smUe)  How  do  you 
know? 

Dolly.    Instinct  tells  me. 

Sole.     (Looking  at  Brown  cynically)     Instinct? 

Dolly.  (Indignant)  Well,  whose  prisoner  is  he 
anyhow  ?  I  caught  him,  didn't  I  ?  You  didn't  catch 
him.  You  never  would  have  caught  him.  (Brown 
and  Kamman  laugh)    And  yet  you  come  out  here 


112  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

and  try  to  tell  me  what  I  can  and  what  I  can't  do 
with  my  own  prisoner.  I  may  be  a  lady,  sir,  but 
when  it  comes  to  getting  personal,  I  can  be  just  as 
much  of  a  man  as  you  are. 

Brown.  (Drolly  serious)  Sheriff,  just  what  is 
your  deputy's  name  ? 

Dolly.    Dolly. 

Brown.  Miss  Dolly,  permit  me  to  introduce  you 
to  your  vanquished  foe,  Mr.  Arthur  Sole.  Mr.  Sole 
will  treat  the  crowd  immediately. 

Dolly.  (Staring  at  Sole  in  blank  amazement) 
Sole?  Arthur  Sole?  (Sole  nods)  I  thought  you 
were  drowned? 

Sole.  No, — I'm  one  of  the  souls  that  were 
saved. 

Dolly.  But  someone  telegraphed  Mr.  Mac- 
Ginniss  that  you  had  been  lost  in  the  Atlantic  Ocean. 

(A  horse  is  heard  approaching  off  rear.) 

Sole.  That  was  a  little  joke  on  the  part  of  my 
friend  Brown.     (Sole  indicates  Brown) 

Dolly.  (Casing  at  Browi^j)  Brown?  Thornton 
Brown  ? 

Brown.    Who  told  you? 

Dolly.    Then  neither  of  you  was  drowned? 

Sole.    No. 

Dolly.    Not  at  all? 

Broown.    Not  once. 

Dolly.  (Rushing  to  cabinet  for  her  hat)  Oh, 
what  have  I  done !  What  have  I  done !  (She  ^starts 
for  door) 

Kamman.    Where  are  you  going? 

Dolly.  To  Arizona,  to  bring  that  poor  lamb 
back. 

Sole.  (Astonished)  Did  you  send  him  to 
Arizona  ? 

Dolly.     (Jamming  hat  on  her  head)    Yes. 

Brown.    Horseback  ? 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  113 

Dolly.    Yes.     (She  dashes  out) 

Kamman.  (Following  to  door)  Dolly!  {There 
is  the  sound  of  clattering  hoofs  on  a  dead  run  which 
dies  away.  Brown  laughs.  Kamman  looks  at 
them  puzzled.  He  then  hastens  to  desk  and  awk- 
wardly tries  to  connect  telephone  wires) 

Brown.     (Down  l.)     How  far  is  it  to  Arizona? 

Kamman.  (Busy  with  wires)  Seven  days. 
(Receives  shock  from  wires  and  drops  them) 
Ouch ! 

Brown.    Horseback? 

Kamman.  Yes.  (Brown  roars  with  laughter, 
and  Sole  who  is  down  r.  smiles  broadly)  I  don't 
see  anything  so  darned  funny  about  it. 

Brown.  You  don't  know  George.  (He  dives 
into  couch  face  down,  and  roars  with  laughter) 
Seven  days  on  a  bucking  broncho !  (Ad  lib  business 
and  laughter.    Imitates  bucking  broncho  rider) 

Kamman.  (To  Sole)  Will  you  tell  me  who 
the  devil  is  MacGinniss? 

Sole.  (Down  r.,  lighting  cigar)  George  Mac- 
Farland,  one  of  the  richest  young  men  in  New  York. 

Kamman.    That  kind  of  a  crook,  eh? 

Sole.  No  crook  at  all.  He  never  stole  anything 
in  his  life. 

Kamman.  Then  what  in  thunder  are  you  chas- 
ing him  for? 

Sole.    On  a  bet. 

Kamman.    A  what? 

Sole.  He  said  he  would  escape  every  officer  of 
the  law  for  one  year.  So  we  faked  up  a  crime,  he 
beat  it,  and  we've  been  chasing  him  ever  since. 

Kamman.    Is  that  straight  goods  ? 

Brown.    Yes,  sir. 

(Enter  Martha  r.  walking  backwards  and  carrying 
the  end  of  a  lariat.  She  pulls,  keeping  the  line 
taut,  and  about  ten  feet  behind  her  comes  Mac- 


114  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Farland.  His  arms  are  zvrapped  tightly  to  his 
sides  hy  the  lariat.  He  is  hatless,  dirty  and  torn. 
But  the  New  York  cigar,  altho  broken,  is  still 
in  one  corner  of  his  mouth.) 

MacFarland,  {When  Martha  has  hauled  him 
on  and  doimi  c.  Dazed)  Whoa!  Nice  horsie!  I 
won't  spur  you  in  the  flanks ! 

Brown.     {With  rising  inflection)     Georgie! 

Kamman.  {To  Martha)  Where  did  you  find 
him? 

Martha.     Hanging  on  our  picket  fence. 

Kamman,     {As  the  others  laugh)     What? 

Martha.  I  recognized  him  as  the  New  York 
criminal,  and  wrapped  him  up  and  brought  him 
back. 

MacFarland.  {Stupidly  looking  at  Brown) 
Zree  days  westh — four  days  souf — 'don't  spur  him 
in  the  flanks. 

Brown.     {Holding  out  his  hand)     Georgie. 

(MacFarland  looks  at  Brown.  Blinks,  looks 
at  him  again.  Turns  his  head  away,  then  tries 
it  again.    He  seems  to  he  hypnotised.) 

MacFarland.  I'm  seeing  things.  Brown! 
{Turns  and  sees  Sole)  Sole!  Pinch  me,  some- 
body. 

Brown.    Georgie. 

MacFarland.  Thornt ! — {Laughs  hysterically 
and  falls  on  Brown's  shoulder)  How  did  you  get 
out  of  the  Ocean? 

Brown.    Did  you  get  to  Arizona? 

{Horse  approaching.) 

MacFarland.  No,  it  was  fenced  in.  Take  me 
down  to  Rector's. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  115 

Sole.  (Going  to  him)  Mighty  glad  to  see  you 
George.     Shake. 

MacFarland.  (Whose  hands  are  tied.  Indicat- 
ing Brown)    Give  it  to  him — I  don't  want  it. 

Dolly.  (Rushing  in  very  excited)  Well,  I 
found  his  horse,  but  I  can't  find  him. 

MacFarland.    Here  I  am,  Dolly. 

Dolly.     (Amazed)    Where  did  you  come  from? 

MacFarland.    Off  the  picket  fence. 

(Clock  strikes  nine.) 

Sole.  (Down  r.)  Nine  o'clock,  the  year  is  up. 
It  was  a  fair  bet,  the  strong  arm  of  the  law  has 
you  and  you  lose. 

MacFarland.     Yes,  I  lose. 

Dolly.    He  does  not  lose. 

Sole.  You  caught  him  and  you  are  a  deputy 
sheriff. 

Dolly.  I  wasn't  a  deputy  sheriff  when  I  caught 
him. 

Sole.     (Quickly  and  anxiously)    What? 

Dolly,  Father  made  me  a  deputy  sheriff  after 
I  caught  him. 

(Kamman  and  MacFarland  laugh.) 

Sole.  (Looking  at  Brown  and  stroking  chin) 
Oh,  hell. 

Brown.     (Same  business)     Oh,  ditto. 

(Brown  and  Sole  take  checks  from  wallets.) 

Sole.  You  won,  MacFarland,  but  the  next  time 
we  bet  on  the  strong  arm  of  the  law,  women  won't 
count. 

MacFarland.  Women  always  count.  Thirty 
thousand  dollars  please,  gentlemen.     (Both  hand 


ii6  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

MacFarland  checks  and  Brown  crosses  to  Sole  at 
R.)     Many  happy  returns  of  the  day. 

Brown.  (Smiling)  Same  to  you  and  many  of 
'em. 

Sole.  (To  Brown)  Come  on,  this  is  no  place 
for  a  nervous  man. 

Brown.  (To  MacFarland  who  is  handing 
checks  to  Dolly)  Georgie — we'll  be  waiting  at  the 
church. 

(Brown  and  Sole  start  for  door  r.  arm  in  arm. 
They  exit  arm  in  arm  during  following.) 

MacFarland.    Won't  you  please  kiss  me,  Dolly  ? 

Dolly.  (To  Kamman)  Is  that  one  of  the 
duties  of  the  deputy  sheriff? 

Kamman.  (Who  is  near  door  r.  with  Martha) 
I  did  it,  when  I  was  one. 

Martha.  (Shocked)  Bertram!  (Kamman 
laughs  as  Martha  pushes  him  off  r.  and  follows 
him  off) 

MacFarland.^  Dolly,  I  want  to  be  your  prisoner 
for  life.  May  I?  (As  MacFarland  embraces 
Dolly,  Wrenn  enters  from  r.  with  basket,  sees 
situation,  puts  basket  down  and  exits  through  c. 
door  throwing  up  his  arms  in  disgust) 

Curt€m 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  117 


THE  SYNOPSIS  OF  SCENES 


ACT  I 

Oct.  7th.     MacFarland's  apartment  in  New  York. 

ACT  II 

Sept.  30th.     A    hunting    shack    in    Southwestern 
Colorado. 

ACT  III 

Two  days  later.    The  County  Jail  at  Delta,  Colorado. 

ACT  IV 

Four  day«  later.    The  same. 

Place:     New  York  and  Colorado. 

Time  :      The  present. 


ii8  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 


DESCRIPTION  OF  CHARACTERS 


George  MacFarland,  28  of  New  York,  well 
dressed,  well  built  clubma;i.  Well  fed  and  per- 
fectly satisfied  with  himself  and  apparently  dis- 
satisfied with  everything  else.  After  the  first 
act,  play  "  MAC  "  for  all  the  romance  possible. 

Simp  Calloway,  35,  is  a  wiry  man,  with  several 
days'  growth  of  beard  (this  is  optional  with 
the  actor  playing  the  part,  though  he  should 
not  be  "clean")  He  is  quick  as  a  cat,  a  bit 
stoop-shouldered;  every  line  of  his  body  sug- 
gests alertness,  and  apprehension.    Has  a  drawl. 

Arthur  Sole,  45.  Detective.  Tall  slender  man, 
with  deep  set  eyes,  a  stern  face  and  quiet 
manners.    Smooth  shaven. 

Thornton  Brown,  30.  Friend  of  MacFarland. 
Jovial  and  breezy  young  lawyer.  Bright  and 
with  a  keen  sense  of  humor. 

"  Buck  **  Kamman,  50.  A  Colorado  Sheriff.  A  big 
bronzed-skinned  man.  Rough,  but  tender- 
hearted.   Has  a  gruff  voice. 

"  Wrenn  "  RiGLEY,  40.  The  Jailer.  A  bulky  bald- 
headed  man,  smooth  shaven,  red  faced,  good 
natured. 

William,  35.  A  quiet  manservant,  used  to  the 
whims  of  MacFarland  and  meets  each  situation 
with  the  stoic  sense  of  humor  that  is  a  genuine 
treat  in  a  valet. 

Martha,  40.  A  lovable  and  motherly  woman,  very 
tender  and  thoughtful,  and  careful  to  say  the 
right  and  proper  thing  at  all  times.     A  bit 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  119 

perturbed  and  apt  to  be  frightened,  but  at  peace 
with  the  world  in  general. 

Violet,  35.  A  chemical  "blonde"  of  uncertain 
vintage,  and  the  type  of  "  woman "  that  the 
cow  men  "  take  up  "  with  for  a  time.  Breezy 
and  slangy,  and  not  over-burdened  with  morals 
and  view-points.  In  the  last  act  all  the 
"  steam  "  is  gone. 

Dolly  Kamman,  18.  A  splendid  type  of  the 
Western  girl,  full  of  life,  and  with  an  air 
and  manner  that  would  break  a  bronco  or  blaze 
her  trail  into  a  drawing-room.  She  speaks 
quickly,  thinks  quickly,  and  when  a  tense  situa- 
tion presents  itself,  can  master  and  dominate  all 
others.  A  broad  mind,  a  tender  heart,  believes 
in  romance,  and  has  a  disposition  and  manner 
that  makes  her  a  "  winner  ". 


120  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 


COSTUMES  PLOT 

George  MacFarland: — 

Act      L  Tuxedo  suit.    Loose  dressing  gown. 

Act  II.  Badly  torn  hunter's  uniform. 
Heavy  walking  boots.  Four 
days'  growth  of  beard.  Hunt- 
ing belt  containing  Colts  in 
holster  on  one  side  and  large 
knife  in  holster  on  the  other. 
Between  them  are  cartridges. 
He  carries  a  big  Winchester 
rifle,  38.70  calibre. 

Act  III.  Same. 

Act  IV.  Same,  with  hat  from  Act  I.     For 
last  entrance,  arms  are  wrapped 
tightly     with     lariat,     hatless, 
dirty  and  torn. 
Arthur  Sole  : — 

Act      I.  Wears  dark  blue  clothes  all  through 
play. 
Thornton  Brown  : — 

Act      I.  Conventional  clothes  for  lawyer  all 
through  play. 
Buck  Kamman: — 

Act  II.  Heavy  sandy  moustache,  much 
used  suit  of  corduroy,  riding 
boots,  and  a  "  Sheriff  "  Stetson 
hat.  Revolver  and  watch. 
Bandana. 

Act  III.  Fresh  shaven.  Clean  suit  of  light 
green  corduroy.  Well  oiled 
boots  with  tops  under  trouser 
legs.    A  new  Stetson  hat. 

Act  IV.  Haggard  and  dirty.    Week's  growth 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  121 

of  beard.  The  new  hat  of  Act 
III  is  now  battered  and  torn, 
a  limp  felt  thing.  One  coat 
sleeve  is  ripped  from  wrist  to 
shoulder. 
Simp  Calloway: — ^ 

Act  II.  Several  days'  growth  of  beard. 
Stoop  shouldered.  Faded  blue 
riding  jumper  and  overalls.  An 
old  pair  of  plain  leather 
"  schapps ".  Large  Colts  in 
holster.  Blue  bandana  about 
the  neck  and  Mexican  boots. 

Act  IV.  Old  blue  flannel  shirt  and  overalls 
without  schapps. 
Wrenn  Rigley: — 

Act  III.  Smooth  shaven,  red  face.  Loose 
fitting  black  linen  coat,  black 
baggy  kneed  pants,  and  a  black 
sateen  shirt.  Green  tie.  Blue 
bandana. 

Act  IV.  Lay-down    linen    collar.      Orange 
colored  tie. 
William  : — 

Act      I.  Black  suit,  black  tie. 
Martha  : — 

Act  III.  Calico  house  dress  and  sun-bonnet. 
Violet  : — 

Act  III.  a  very  flashy  bright-colored  skirt, 
many  rings,  much  rouge  and  a 
large  picture  hat  with  large 
plumes. 

Act  IV.  Denham  "  Mother-Hubbard '^ 

Rougeless  and  wan. 
Dolly  Kamman  : 

Act  II.  Neat  buckskin  skirt  and  leggins. 
Blue  flannel  shirt.  Dark  leather 
jacket,  hat,  gauntlets. 


122  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Act  III.  Dark  skirt,  light  shirtwaist,  bare- 
headed. 

Act  IV.  Kimono,  handkerchief.  Back  of  the 
screen  change  to  white  skirt, 
shirtwaist,  and  colored  necktie. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 


123 


124  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 


PROPERTY  PLOT 


ACT  I 


Hardwood  floor  cloth  to  cover  stage 

Large  medallion 

Rugs  to  dress 

Large  fur  rug  front  of  fireplace 

Baby  grand  piano 

Duet  seat  for  same 

Popular  music  on  piano 

Library  table  5  ft.  long 

Oblong  table 

2  Round  tables,  24  in. 

I,  4  ft.  bookcase 

I,  6  ft.  bookcase 

1  Cabinet 
Mantel 

Mirror  over  mantel 

Iron  fire  irons,  dogs,  etc. 

Large  brass  fender  for  fireplace 

2  Extra  large  arm  chairs 
I  Arm  chair 

4  Straight  chairs 
I  Settee 
I  Pedestal 

1  Statue  for  pedestal 

Heavy  plush  curtains  for  windows 
Lace  curtains  for  windows 
Mahogany  clock  for  mantel 

2  Large  brass  candlesticks  for  mantel 
I  Tobacco  jar  on  mantel 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 


125 


« 


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EJ 


Ei 


^'VtjLf/yw  aoou  '\ 


•"d  *'V^i»lt 


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126  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE     . 

Box  of  cigars  on  table  c. 

Matches  in  stand 

Ash  receivers  about  stage 

Cheque  book 

Writing  materials  on  desk 

Large  desk  blotter,  etc. 

Fountain  pen  for  "  BROWN  " 

Fountain  pen  for  "  MAC  " 

Cigarettes 

A  "  $100.00  bill  "  for  "  SOLE  " 

Pocketbook  for  "  SOLE  " 

Silver-plated  tape  measure  for  "  SOLE  " 

Note  book  for  "  SOLE  " 

Nickel-plated  pocket-size  flashlight  for  "  SOLE  " 

Magnifying  lens  for  "  SOLE  " 

Small  pair  of  silver-plated  calipers  for  "  SOLE " 

Large  batch  of  photographs  for  "  MAC  " 

Small  pocket-size  kodak  for  "  SOLE  " 

Desk  telephone  set 

New  York  Telephone  book 


ACT  II 


Ground  cloth  to  cover  stage 

Hood  mantel 

Rough  hand-made  furniture  throughout 

Table  48  in.  x  30  in. 

4  Chairs 

Washstand  and  water  bucket 

Cupboard  with  dishes 

Rustic  beadstead,  made  out  of  pine  saplings  roped 

together  and  provided  with  rope. springs  upon 

which  are  pine  boughs 
Canvas  covered  camp  bed,  rolled  up  and  tied  ready 

to  use 
Bendi 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE     .       127 

I  Blue  steel  45-70  Cal.  Colt  revolver  in  holster. 
Army  and  Navy  model.     New — "  MAC  " 

6  Cartridge  belts  with  loaded  cartridges 

I  Winchester  rifle  for  "  DOLLY  " 

Wooden  candlestick  with  candle 

Matches 

Large  hunting  knife  in  sheath  for  "  MAC " 

Matches  for  "  MAC  " 

Tin  dipper  for  water  bucket 

Small  badger  for  "  MAC  "  (or  squirrel) 

Pipe  and  tobacco  for  "  MAC  " 

Wash  basin  , 

Towel,  on  back  of  cupboard  door 

Bar  of  soap 

Piece  of  gunny-sack 

Tin  basin  in  cupboard 

Several  pieces  of  kindling  wood 

Silver  match  safe  for  "  MAC  " 

Tooth  brush  for  "  MAC  " 

54  bushel  of  potatoes  in  sack 

I  Sharp  potato  knife 

Heavy  bolt  and  lock  on  c.  door,  with  key 

A  small  size  22  cal.  Winchester  is  concealed  in  the 
blankets  of  the  camp  bed 

Tin  coffee  pot,  in  cupboard 

Tin  coffee  can  containing  coffee,  ground;  in  cup- 
board 

Large  box  of  parlor  matches  in  cupboard 

Cigarettes  for  "  SIMP " ;  (preferably  cigarette 
papers  and  tobacco) 

Deck  of  playing  cards  in  cupboard 

Another  wooden  candlestick  with  candle  in  cup- 
board 

2,  45  cal.  single  action  revolvers  for  "  KAMMAN  " 
and  "  SHERIFF  " 

I,  32  cal.  blue  steel  Smith  &  Wesson  revolver  for 
"DOLLY" 


128 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  129 

ACT  III 

Ground  cloth  to  cover  stage 

4  Navajo  blanket  rugs 

I  Flat-top  desk,  oak 

I  Swivel  chair  for  same 

I  Leather  cushion  for  same 

I  Office  safe 

I  Old-fashioned  desk 

I  High-back  swivel  chair  for  same 

I  Leather  cushion  in  same  • 

I  Clothes  cabinet 

1  Rifle  or  gun  rack,  with  rifles  and  handcuffs  hung 

on  pegs 
Great  quantity  of  papers  on  desks 
Materials  for  writing,  etc.,  on  both  desks 

2  Waste  paper  baskets,  almost  filled  with  material 
Heavy  iron  bolts  on  doors 

White  sign  printed  "  NO  ADMITTANCE  " 
Black  bulletin  board  on  which  are  thumbed  tacked 
notices  of  "  REWARD  ",  "  LOST,  STRAYED 
or  STOLEN  "  notices,  etc.    Also  boldly  printed 
circular  reading: 

$5,000.00  REWARD 

FOR  THE  CAPTURE  OF  GEORGE  MAGGIN- 

NISS 

Description 


Door  R.  2,  sign  painted  "  COUNTY  JAIL  *',  below 

that  "  SHERIFF'S  OFFICE  " 
Large  faded  map  of  Colorado,  on  r.  wall 
Large  map  of  the  United  States  on  l.  wall 
Stack  of  old  record  books  on  top  of  safe 


130  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Old  spittoon 

6  Remington  rifles — 38-70  cal. 

Whiskey  flask  in  drawer  of  desk 

Tumbler  for  "  WRENN  " 

Key 

Box  of  cigars  for  "  BUCK  " 

Telegram  for  "  BUCK  " 

Desk  telephone  set  on  desk 

Old-fashioned  faded  couch  down  r. 

Pair  of  large  spurs  in  closet 

Clothes  of  various  sorts  in  closet 

Matches 

Cell  key 

Horse  effect  oflF  r. 

Concealed  in  the  tin  foil 


Curtains     and     shade 
on  window  r. 


is   a   large   skeleton   key, 
and      small      3-cornered 
file. 
Newspaper  cornucopia  containing  immense  bunch  of 

mountain  flowers,  "VIOLET" 
The  stem  of  bouquet  is  long,  wrapped  with  tin- foil. 

and  black  thread 
Iron   ball    and    chain,   prac,   with   iron   band    for 

"  MAC  "  ankle 
Large  pocket  knife  for  "WRENN" 
Pencil  and  paper  in  drawer  of  desk 


ACT  IV 

(Same  set  as  Act  III) 

Rooster  crow  off  r.,  three  different  effects 
A  new  roll  top  desk  and  chair  are  now  r. 
Small  gold  framed  landscape  picture  over  desk 
Pretty  wicker  waste  basket  near  desk 
A  wolf  rug  in  front  of  couch  which  is  now  l. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  131 

A  large  bear  skin  rug  in  front  of  it 

The  entire  room  is  more  orderly  and  the  maps  hang 

straight  on  the  walls 
The  books  are  arranged  neatly  on  a  scalloped  edge 

doth 
New  neat  white  blotters  on  desk 
Spittoon  removed  and  replaced  by  small  stand  upon 

which  rests  an  Indian  flower  pot  with  a  fern 
Bobcat  rug  in  front  of  c.  desk 
The  windows  are  now  draped  with  short  lace  cur- 
tains tied  with  pink  ribbons 
Vase  of  flowers  on  desk 
Horse  effect  oflF  r. 
Large  white  pillow  on  couch 

Large  Navajo  blanket  to  cover  "  DOLLY  "  on  couch 
Green  portable  screen  leaning  against  the  wall  in 

corner,  above  couch 
Dog  bark  off  r. 
Shots  off  R. 

Empty  shells  for  "  BUCK  "  in  Colts 
Telegram 
Box  of  cigars  in  desk  drawer,  3  cigars  wrapped  in 

tin  foil 
Set  of  field  glasses 
Box  of  matches 
Ten  feet  of  dog  chain  with  lock  and  ring  on  one 

end 
Chain  hobbles  for  "  MAC  " 
Pail    of    water,    sponge    and    drying    cloth    for 

"  WRENN  " 
Order  pad  for  "WRENN" 
Hand  towel  in  desk  drawer 
Pad  of  writing  paper  in  desk  drawer 
Envelope  in  desk  drawer 
The  desk  telephone  in  this  act  must  be  prac.  to  break 

connection 
Long  lariat  which  is  used  to  tie  up  "  MAC  " 


132  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Broken  cigar  for  "  MAC  " 

Qock,  and  clock  strike 

Cheques  in  waUets  for  "  BROWN  "  and  "  SOLE  " 

Basket  for  "  WRENN  " 

Auto  horn  off  R. 

Train  whistle 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  133 


ELECTRICAL  PLOT 


ACT  I 


NOTE:  The  arrangement  of  your  footlights  and 
ceiling  border  for  this  play,  should  be  as  fol- 
lows: 

In  your  footlights  have 

The  first  Six  (6)  globes  RED 
The  next  Four  (4)  globes  PINK 
The  next  Ten  (10)  globes  AMBER 
The  remainder  of  the  globes  STRAW 

In  your  ceiling  border  have 

Tha  first  Four  (4)  globes  RED 
The  next  Four  (4)  globes  PINK 
The  next  Eight  (8)  globes  AMBER 
The  remainder  of  the  globes  STRAW 

By  using  the  lights  in  this  manner  the  best 
lighting  and  results  can  be  obtained. 


At  rise  :  HANDSOME  INTERIOR. 

Footlights  FULL  UP 
Ceiling  border  ^  UP 
Blue  arcs  outside  window  at  back  c. 
AMBER  bunches  in  r.  u.  e.  and  l.  u.  e. 
ORANGE  glow  in  fireplace  r.  i. 
4,  2-light  brackets  with  ROSE  silk  shades  on 

walls,  LIGHTED. 
2  stand  lamps  on  tables,  LIGHTED. 


134  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

Electric  wall  plate  switch  on  wall  u.  L. 

Desk  telephone,  with  PRAC.  bell  box  on  set,  to 

ring  from  prompt. 
Electric  vest  pocket  flash  light  to  be  used  by 

character. 
"  Your  lights  work  changes  in  this  act  ". 


ACT  II 


At  rise  :  ROUGH  INTERIOR 

Footlights  5^. 
Ceiling  border  ^. 
RED  Arcs  outside  window  and  door  at  back,  to 

change  to  Blue. 
Dull  AMBER  glow  from  room  l.  u.  e. 
Fireplace  r.  u.  is  practical. 
"  Your  lights  work  changes  during  this  act." 


ACT  III 


At  rise  :  INTERIOR  OF  JAIL. 

Footlights  FULL  UP 
Ceiling  border  FULL  UP 
Back  border  AMBER  FULL  UP 
AMBER  Arc  outside  window  and  door  r. 
AMBER  bunches  outside  door  at  back  c. 
Desk  telephone  set,  and  Prac.  bell  box  on  set. 
**  Your  lights  stand  throughout  this  act." 


ACT  IV 
At  risb:  (Same  as  Act  III) 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  135 

Footlights  y^  to  work  up  with  the  Sunrise  effect 

to  FULL 
Ceiling  border  same  to  work  up  with  the  Sunrise 

effect  to  FULL 
Back  border  same  to  work  up  with  the  Sunrise 

effect  to  FULL 
BLUE  FROSTED  over  AMBER  Arcs  at  r.  to 

work  Sunrise  to  STRAW. 
In  this  act  the  telephone  connection  is  "  broken  " 

on  stage. 
Entrance  lights  as  before. 
**  Your  lights  work  in  this  act" 


136  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 


MEMO  AND  STAGE  MANAGER'S  WORKING 
PLOT 


ACT  I 


Footlights  FULL  Ceiling  border  ^,    Brackets  and 
lamps  and  fire  ON. 

No  Music. 

Curtain. 

if  I  could  catch  them,  sir. 

READY  DOOR  BELL 

Not  that  I  know  of,  sir. 

DOOR  BELL 

as  if  you  were  immune. 

READY  DOOR  BELL 

in  spite  of  high  tide  or  Hell. 

DOOR  BELL 

, watch  this  house  all  night. 

READY  LIGHTS 

Turn  them  out.     BUS. 

LIGHTS  OUT 

Turn  on  the  lights.    All  right. 

LIGHTS  ON 

Where  is  he  ? 

READY  TELEPHONE 

Where  is  he?     (Second  time) 

WARNING 

I'm  not  excited. 

TELEPHONE 

What.     He  stole  my  hat. 

CURTAIN  (Ring  Act  II  on  the  word  "  What ") 

Foot  lights  and  ceiling  border  at  ^ 

RED  Arcs  on  back  drop  ready  to  come  to  BLUE. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  137 

No  Music. 
Curtain. 

It  isn't  safe. 

DIM  LIGHTS  TO  1/3. 

if  I  have  to  sleep  on  the  floor. 

READY    LIGHT    CHANGE    TO    BLUE    OK 

BACK  DROP. 

' a  week  if  you  want  to. 

BLUE  ON  BACK  DROP. 

hobbled  and  your  guns  loaded. 

DIM  LIGHTS  TO  %. 

don't  be  slow  about  it. 

DIM  LIHTS  TO  Ys. 

straight  home  and  tell  me.    Under- 
stand ? 
DIM  LIGHTS  DOWN  AND  OUT. 

Does  anybody  live  here  ?    BUS. 

ON  THIS  BUS.  WORK  YOUR  LIGHTS  UP  TO 
REQUIRED  PLAYING  LIGHT. 

■  —  Anybody  home  ? 

READY  FIRE  LIGHT. 

to  eat  you  raw.    BUS. 

ON  THIS  BUS.  BRING  ON  YOUR  FIRE. 

absolutely  alone  all  night. 

READY  LIGHTS  OUT. 

Pleasant  dreams.     Nighty,  nighty. 

BUS. 
LIGHTS  OUT. 
Mr.  MacGinniss.    Mr.  MacGinniss. 

Mr.  MacGinniss. 
READY  LIGHTS  ON. 

Light  the  candle.    BUS. 

LIGHTS  ON. 

Have  you  got  a  gun  ? 

READY  LIGHTS  OUT. 

Throw  up  your  hands.    BUS. 

LIGHTS  OUT. 

Don't  shoot.    Don't  shoot. 


138  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

READY  LIGHTS  ON. 

Who  ever  heard  of  gas  up  here? 

BUS. 
LIGHTS  ON. 

if  he  kicks  me,  shoot  him. 

WARNING. 

couple  of  bucks  before  the  season 

closed. 
CURTAIN    (Ring  on  the  word  "  Before  ") 


ACT  III 

Footlights  and  ceiling  border  FULL 

AMBER  Arcs  outside  window  and  door  r. 

No  Music. 

Curtain. 

She's  a  deputy  sheriff  now. 

READY  TELEPHONE. 

•  —  and  if  I  don't  like  it 

TELEPHONE. 

What  do  you  know? 

READY  HORSE  EFFECT  OFF  r.  2  cues. 

getting  the  best  of  you. 

READY  VOICES  OFF  r. 

Oh,  you.     You.     You. 

HORSE  EFFECT.    No.  i. 

Something  doing. 

VOICES  OFF  r. 

Whoop-ee. 

HORSE  EFFECT.     No.  2. 

swam  to  her  assistance — and  there 

you  are. 
READY  TELEPHONE. 

That's  all  I  had  time  to  do. 

TELEPHONE. 

by  a  flock  of  pearls. 


BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE  139 

READY  TELEPHONE. 
WARNING. 

Thank  God  Sole  is  still  alive. 

TELEPHONE. 

then  both  went  down.    Sing  Sing. 

CURTAIN. 


ACT  IV 


Lights   at    % ;    Sunrise   effect  to   work   outside 
window  and  door  r. 

Horse  effect  ready. 

No  Music. 

Curtain. 

Do  you  wish  to  see  the  Sunrise  ? 

BY  THIS  CUE  YOU  HAVE  WORKED  YOUR 
LIGHTS  TO  FULL. 

Page  8  in  the  Act. 

Simpson  we're  here  to  work. 

READY  TRAIN  WHISTLE. 

Did  you  know  them? 

TRAIN  WHISTLE  FAINT. 

dish  of  strawberries  and  cream. 

READY  TELEPHONE. 

be  a  prisoner  in  this  jail.     BUS. 

TELEPHONE. 

We  beg  your  pardon. 

READY  AUTO  HORN  OFF  r. 

taking  his  exercise  now. 

READY  HORSE  EFFECT  OFF  r. 

Is  there  a  taxi-cab  in  this  town? 

No. 
AUTO  HORN. 

All  right,   (Dolly  calling  off  door) 

HORSE  EFFECT. 

— . have  I  got  to  wear  spurs  ? 


I40  BELIEVE  ME,  XANTIPPE 

READY  HORSE  EFFECT. 

I'm  not  going  to  hurt  you.     Nice 

horsie. 
HORSE  EFFECT.  ' 

step  down  and  get  the  mail. 

READY  HORSE  EFFECT. 

had  been  lost  in  the  Atlantic  Ocean. 

HORSE  EFFECT. 

part  of  my  friend  Brown. 

READY  HORSE  EFFECT. 

■ Horse  back  ?    Yes.     Dolly. 

HORSE  EFFECT.   CLATTER  OF  HOOFS. 

DEAD  RUN. 

1  won't  spur  you  in  the  flanks. 

READY  HORSE  EFFECT. 

I'm  seeing  things.     Brown. 

READY  CLOCK  STRIKE  NINE. 

-Did  you  get  in  Arizona? 

HORSE  EFFECT. 

Off  the  picket  fence. 

CLOCK  NINE  (9) 

Women  won't  count. 

WARNING. 

to  be  vour  prisoner  for  life.    May 

I? 
CURTAIN  (Ring  on  the  word  "  Life  ") 


THE  GHOST  TBMN 

A  mystery  thriller  in  3  acts.  By  Arnold  Ridley.  Pro- 
duced originally  at  the  Eltinge  Theatre,  New  York.  7 
males,  4  females,  i  interior  scene.  Modern  costumes. 

The  story  is  laid  in  a  peaceful  village  in  Maine  where  there  lives 
a  superstition  of  twenty  years  standing  about  a  ghost  train  which 
flashes  by  in  the  dead  of  night,  swinging  the  scythe  of  death.  Rum- 
runners use  this  superstition  to  their  own  advantage  in  the  transporta- 
tion of  liquor  from  Canada.  As  the  night  train  draws  into  the  small 
station,  some  passengers  get  off  and  the  train  moves  on.  These 
passengers  are  compelled  to  wait  all  night,  for  they  have  missed  con- 
nections. And  what  a  night  they  spend.  When  the  decrepit  old 
station-master  tells  them  about  the  terrifying  "Ghost  Train,"  bring- 
ing death  to  all  who  observe  it,  they  just  poo-pooh  the  idea.  But 
everything  happens  as  forecast.  The  station-master  is  stricken  dead 
mysteriously.  The  signal  bell  rings.  The  engine  whistles.  The  train 
roars  through  the  junction  and  one  who  rashly  gazes  upon  it  appar- 
ently succumbs.  Lovers  of  mystery  plays  will  £nd  here  a  piece  to 
their  liking. 

"If  you  want  a  hair-raising,  seat-gripping  ride,  buy  your  tickets 
early  for  'The  Ghost  Train.' "  New  York  Mirror. 

(Royalty,  fifty  dollars.)  Price  7j  Cents. 


THE  SPIDER 

A  mystery  play  in  3  acts.  By  Fulton  Oursler  and  Lowell 
Brentano.  Produced  originally  at  Channin's  Forty-Sixth 
Street  Theatre  in  New  York.  21  males,  3  females.  5  in- 
terior scenes.  Modern  cost;mies. 

Here  a  a  novelty,  if  there  ever  was  one,  replete  with  chills  and 
fevers.  The  authors  have  represented  the  dastardly  murder  of  Carring- 
ton,  not  on  the  stage,  but  in  the  audience.  While  Alexander,  assistant 
to  Chatrand  the  Great,  is  reading  the  initials  on  your  watch  the 
lights  go  out,  a  shot  is  fired  and  when  the  lights  go  up  again  Car- 
rington  is  discovered  mortally  wounded  on  a  runway  over  the 
orchestra  pit  and  immediately  the  theatre  is  loud  with  excitement. 
Who  fired  the  shot?  As  the  play  goes  on  through  the  succeeding 
scenes,  bringing  doctors  and  policemen  up  the  aisles,  bidding  the 
audience  to  remain  seated,  and  posting  o£Bcers  at  every  exit  to  pre- 
vent escape,  suspicion  rests  on  the  magician,  the  girl  and  others. 
Shots  bark  here  and  there.  House  lights  go  on  and  off.  Ghastly 
objects  swing  across  the  darkness;  strange  faces  and  eerie  voices. 
And  all  in  good  time  the  slippery  scoundrel  is  discovered. 

(Royalty,  thirty-five  dollars.)  Price  yj  Cents. 


THE  RALE  McCOY 

A  mystery  comedy  in  3  acts.  By  M.  J.  J.  MacKeown. 
4  males,   3    females,    i   interior  scene.  Modern  costumes. 

The  story  of  the  play  is  that  of  Robbie  John  McCoy,  a  gentleman  of 
apparently  no  fixed  occupation,  who  is  married  to  Rose  Ann  McCoy, 
a  woman  of  property  and  of  very  fixed  ideas  as  to  handling  a  hui- 
band.  He  returns  to  his  home  after  an  absence  of  three  days  and  has 
only  dim  ideas  as  to  all  he  had  done  during  the  time,  but  he  does 
recall  that  he  had,  with  great  difficulty,  arranged  a  match  between 
Billy  McCandless  and  Maggie  Robinson.  This  tale  and  an  unusual 
theory  advanced  by  a  stranger,  concerning  death  and  ghosts,  fails 
to  interest,  much  less  mollify,  Mrs.  McCoy,  who  wants  a  better 
explanation  of  her  spouse's  protracted  absence.  Left  alone  Robbie 
John  dozes  in  his  chair  and  turns  around  after  a  moment  to  find 
that  a  stranger  has  arrived.  She  is  garbed  in  the  dress  of  the  ancient 
Egyptians.  The  strange  thing  about  the  story,  so  far,  is  that  Robbie 
John  it  not  asleep.  He  is  not  dreaming  and  the  visitor  is  real  flesh 
and  blood.  What  actually  happened  is  too  good  to  unfold  here,  but 
su£5ce  it  to  say  that  the  rapidly  occurring  situations,  led  up  to  by 
sparkling  lines,  hold  your  interest  from  start  to  finish. 


(Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)  Price  75  Cents. 


THE  WASFS  NEST 

Mystery  comedy  in  3  acts.  By  Adelaide  Matthews  and 
Martha  Stanley.  Produced  originally  at  Wallack's  Theatre, 
New  York.  7  males,  5  females,  i  interior.  Modern  cos- 
tumes. 

Roger  McDowell  comes  to  the  deserted  home  of  his  dead  grand- 
father at  midnight  to  meet  a  prospective  buyer.  At  the  same  time 
a  train  en  route  to  New  York  is  held  up  and  robbed  by  two  bandits, 
who  later  seek  refuge  in  the  abandoned  house.  Henry  Fifield,  the 
executor  and  mortgage  holder  of  the  estate,  also  comes  to  the  house 
this  night  to  seek  the  original  documents  and  bonds  on  which  he 
has  been  embezzling  funds.  These  bonds  rightfully  belong  to  the 
McDowells.  The  presence  of  these  various  persons,  in  addition  to  a 
colored  maid;  a  young  attractive  girl,  who  has  escaped  from  the 
robber  train;  the  prospective  buyer  and  others,  makes  for  an  ex- 
ceedingly funny  situation,  since  each  group  believed  themselves  to  be 
alone  in  the  place.  There  are  mysterious  disappearances,  knockings, 
groans,  weird  rushing  sounds,  ringing  bells,  apparitions,  everything 
that  a  first  class  mystery  play  should  have. 


(Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)  Price  js  Cents. 


THREE  STRIKES— YOU'RE  OUT 

A  comedy  in  3  acts.  By  "Wilbur  Braun.  5  males,  6 
females,   i  interior.  Modern  costumes. 

\rhen  Samuel  Phelps  returns  to  his  home  after  a  business  trip 
bringing  with  him  one  of  the  greatest  baseball  players  in  the  United 
States,  interest  runs  riot.  Especially  since  "Dizzy  Wynne,"  the  base- 
ball player  in  question,  has  saved  Phelps'  life.  "Dizzy"  has  been 
invited  to  stay  for  dinner,  but  after  catching  a  glimpse  of  charm- 
ing Lois  Phelps  he  decides  to  make  it  an  extended  visit.  Russell  Swade, 
a  typical  American  youth,  is  in  love  with  Lois,  but — poor  fellow — 
what  chance  has  he  got  against  the  famous  "Dizzy"?  You  will  thrill 
with  surprise  at  the  novel  last  act  wherein  a  baseball  game  is 
enacted  before  your  very  eyes.  You  will  howl  with  glee  at  Minnie 
Hanks,  the  maid  in  Phelps'  household,  at  Mrs.  Lavinia  Phelps  who 
has  never  seen  a  ball  game  in  her  life,  and  who  is  superstitious  to 
a  degree,  you  will  chuckle  heartily  at  the  supreme  egotism  of 
"Dizzy"  Wynne.  Sure  to  be  one  of  the  most  popular  plays  of  the 
season. 

(Royalty,  ten  dollars.)    Price   jo  Cents. 


LITTLE  MISS  FORTUNE 

A  comedy  in  3  acts.  By  Charles  George.  4  males  and  7 
females,  i  very  simple  interior  setting.  Modern  costumes. 

The  Gx)per  family  consisted  of  a  widowed  mother  and  her  two 
children,  Katharine,  aged  eighteen,  and  William,  aged  sixteen.  Their 
entire  life  had  been  a  struggle  for  a  bare  existence.  Mrs.  Cooper 
made  and  sold  potato  chips  and  Katharine  made  a  candy  that  had 
achieved  fame  in  their  town  as  "Kitty's  Kisses,"  which  were  sold 
at  a  local  candy  store  run  by  a  young  man,  whom  everyone  sup- 
posed Kitty  would  marry  one  day.  But  he  had  ideas  of  wealth  and 
social  position  and  had  shifted  his  affections  to  the  daughter  of  a 
wealthy  man.  Life  seemed  colorless  and  drab  for  Kitty,  when  sud- 
denly they  were  informed  that  their  father's  brother  had  died  in 
the  far  West  and  that  they  were  the  heirs  to  his  fortune.  In  an 
instant,  everything  changed  for  the  Coopers.  Shops  begged  them  for 
accounts.  They  had  arrived.  During  a  stay  at  a  summer  camp,  Kitty 
had  met  a  young  man  whom  she  liked.  He  was  a  quiet,  unassuming 
chap,  presumably  very  poor. 

A  later  will  left  by  the  Coopers'  uncle  is  discovered,  wherein  all 
his  money  is  left  to  charity  and  they  are  right  back  where  they 
started.  Their  credit  is  withdrawn  and  their  newly  made  friends  cut 
them.  They  face  life,  once  again,  with  poverty  staring  them  in  the 
face  when  the  poor  boy  turns  out  to  be  the  son  of  a  very  wealthy 
family,  and  learning  of  their  misfortune,  proposes  to  Kilty  and  all  ends 
happily. 

(Royalty,  ten  dollars.)    Price   50  Cents. 


BUNTY  PULLS  THE  STRINGS 

A  comedy  in  3  acts.  By  Graham  MofFat.  Produced 
originally  at  the  Comedy  Theatre,  New  York.  5  males, 
5  females,   i  interior,   i  exterior.  Modern  costumes. 


University  of  California 

SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 

405  Miigard  Avenue,  Los  Angeles,  CA  90024-1388 

Return  this  material  to  the  library 

from  which  it  was  borrowed. 


THE  F 


A     000  1 26  566 
UPSTAIRS 


Comedy  of  American  life  in  3  acts.  By  Harry  Delf. 
Produced  originally  by  Sam  H.  Harris  at  the  Gaiety 
Theatre,  New  York.  4  males,  5  females,  i  interior.  Mod- 
ern costumes. 

Joe  Heller  is  a  streec-car  inspector  on  $42.50  z  week.  Louise  it 
his  eldest  daughter,  an  office  worker,  now  aged  twenty-one  who 
hasn't  managed  to  land  a  husband  yet.  Her  mother's  one  anxiety 
is  to  get  her  properly  married,  while  father's  ambition  is  to  get 
his  son,  Willie,  to  work.  Sister  Annabelie,  the  "kid  sister"  of  the 
family,  has  one  passion,  and  that  is  getting  out  of  doing  her  piano 
lessons.  It  is  a  typical  average  American  home  that  we  look  into: 
Annabelie  practising  on  the  tin-panny  piano,  Willie  making  a  tele- 
phone date  with  a  girl  friend,  father  coming  home  from  work  in 
his  uniform,  fagged  out,  mother  bossing,  Annabelle's  playing,  every- 
one wanting  dinner,  and  so  forth.  Charles  Grant  comes  to  call  on 
Louise  and  after  embarrassed  introductions  all  around,  he  is  left 
alone  with  her.  They  are  in  love  with  each  other,  and  before  the 
evening  is  out  they  are  engaged.  But  mother  puts  her  finger  into  the 
domestic  pie.  She  tells  the  neighbors  what  a  wonderful  fellow  Louise 
has  won  and  that  he  is  a  big  banker  (in  reality  he  is  making  $40 
a  week).  And  the  game  of  blufiF  goes  on.  Having  heard  all  this 
"propaganda,"  Grant  begins  to  wonder  what  sort  of  a  family  he  is 
getting  into.  There  is  an  unhappy  half-hour  when  the  en>>agement 
feems  to  be  oS,  and  then  Grant's  mother  appears  on  the  scene.  Mra. 
Grant  is  just  the  blufEer  that  Mrs.  Heller  is,  and  both  sec  through 
all  the  bluffs  and  discount  them.  Everything  ends  happily. 

(Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)   Price  jj   Cents. 


A  FULL  HOUSE 

A  farcical  comedy  in  3  acts.  By  Fred  Jackson.  7  males, 
7  females,  i  interior  scene.  Modern  costumes. 

Imagine  a  reckless  and  wealthy  youth  who  writes  ardent  lovt 
letters,  an  attorney  brother-in-law  who  steals  them  and  then  gets  his 
hand  bag  mixed  up  with  the  grip  of  a  burglar  who  has  just  stolen 
a  valuable  necklace  from  the  mother  of  the  indiscreet  youth,  and 
the  efforts  of  the  crook  to  recover  his  plunder,  as  incidents  in  the 
story  of  a  play  in  which  the  swiftness  of  the  action  never  halt* 
for  an  instant.  Not  only  are  the  situations  screamingly  fuoay  but 
the  lines   themselves   hold   a  fund  of  humor. 

"Uncorks   a  laugh   a  second."  N.   Y.  Press. 

"Hustling,  bustling,  reckless  fun."  N.  Y.  American. 


nustimg,  Dustimg,  reciuess  tun.     IN.    i.  Americ 
(Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)  Price  75  Cents. 


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George  Ade 

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Lewis  Beacb 

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Guy  Bolton 

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Marc  Connelly 

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Robert  Housum 

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Salisbury  Field 

^^^^1 

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Georse  Kaufman 
Martin  Piavbi 

Leo  Dietrichtsteln 

"^^^^1 

Eden  Phllipotts 

^m^^ 

Sir  Arthur  Conan  DoyI* 

1  ;,, 

Victor  Mapea 

Brandon  Tynan 

Kate  Douglas  Wlftia 

Clayton  Hamilton 

Rol  Cooper  Mecrnc 

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Un 

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